Adventures in Real Parenting: The Most Dangerous Game

I am working from home today. MathMan is back in the salt mines. Yesterday you should have seen the row we got into as we launched The Commute Together, Season 2. Too bad that didn't get on film. He whined about having to wear pants again and I rudely responded by pulling out my sad violin and sang "some of us didn't get a vacation at all."

We are so ugly when we fight. I don't know which is worse - the hair pulling or the scratching. Anyway, today he drove in relative peace since I stayed behind to manage the crazy people and cats.

Right now I am enjoying the quiet. The Pussies for Peace are creeping about on their little cat feet, The Dancer is gone and the other two are still asleep. (Glances at the clock, sees that it is now 11:02am, shrugs.) After the kids are awake, I will likely be called upon to referee fights, make so and so stop breathing the other's air, retrieve the television remote from atop the ceiling fan, scrape gum off whatever random surface Garbo has stuck it to, ward off cries for food, and any number of other petty, annoying things that kids ask moms to do, but would never dream of asking their dads to do.

I don't care if it is raining, I will send them outside. I mean, I don't hear thunder, after all. No matter - I need to keep them busy and out of my hair. Seriously, what are the odds that they would get struck by lightening anyway?

It's not all fun and games, though. In between the paid work, I will try to get some of those long planned and never achieved things completed. So far, I've managed to sort out Garbo's big bag of markers, pens, pencils and crayons. I was looking for something and had a hunch that it would be there. It was. But so was a lot of other crap. By the time I finished, I did have the items sorted by type. And the dead and dried up pens and markers were tossed. That accomplishment was topped only by a thorough and giggling read of The Fatal Lozenge by Edward Gorey. I love reading Gorey in the bathroom.

A quick check of my To Do list shows that I must find just the right outfit to wear tomorrow night when I attend the Author! Author! event at our local library. Georgia writers Lauretta Hannon and Terry Kay are going to be recording a special event for NPR. I can't decide between the toned down Dominatrix or the Rock and Roll Fantasy Chick outfit that makes me look like Tawny whatshername in the Whitesnake video. One has to make a good impression, you know. Whatever I choose, will also probably be what I wear to the school meet and greets next Tuesday. Why go through the trauma of finding just the right outfit all over again, right?

Speaking of glamor and good impressions, I must tell you about this website I recently found. Some of you might not know this, but I love the eras of 1920 - 1950. I am especially a fan of the 1930s movie. I love them for their stories, their costuming, the glamor, the hair, the voices and facial expressions. The architecture and settings. All of it. And I love the scritchy scratchy quality of the black and white film. One of my great pleasures about working from home is being able to watch old movies while I work.

I was especially pleased this morning, when I turned on Turner Classic Movies to find that The Most Dangerous Game was being shown. MathMan noted that the movie's storyline had been spoofed by The Simpsons. Indeed it has. It's also been done on Gilligan's Island and, I do believe, Fantasy Island, as well. Anyway, the best part, the most serendipitous part of seeing that movie this morning was that it gave me me an idea for how I could keep the kids occupied this afternoon.

That is, if I can find my bow and arrow set.