Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Good idea, bad idea


Good idea:  Introducing your spouse to Ancestry.com

Bad idea:  Introducing your spouse to Ancestry.com just prior to handing him/her a list of long-deferred household chores you'd like him/her to complete whilst he's on Spring Break.

The downside:  Door slamming, murmuring under one's breath, oaths to someone else's diety, martyred sighs and a whole host of other passive-aggressive manifestations about which you'd be embarrassed if you had a lick of sense. And worse - to which he affords no notice.

The silver lining:  He finds his grandfather's naturalization card and the ship's manifest from his grandmother's immigration from "White Russia."



Good idea:  Recycling

Bad idea: Thinking you can do your part by spitting your gum into some toilet tissue while you go pee and then using the tissue to wipe without ensuring you've completely encased the gum within said tissue.

The downside:  If you're neither pubically denuded nor prepubescent, you may find yourself in a rather painful and sticky situation.

The silver lining:  Minty fresh privates

Your turn.

38 comments:

  1. You are one hell of crack up, Golden. Muah!

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    1. I'm glad you think so, Suzy V. I have to keep the goofball reigned in pretty tightly these days so it spills out here.

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  2. Replies
    1. I know, D. Sometimes it's a bit too -------

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  3. Well that's one way to describe events, and leave your reader a little unsettled, but only just a little.

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    1. Hi, Elisabeth. Unsettling is a good way of putting it.

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    1. Phil, I might have won, but the prize is pretty, um, sketchy.

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    2. Phil - But why couldn't I win that $560 million lottery?

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  5. You could market that idea. If you ever spot new gum made by Massengil, you should call a lawyer.

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    1. I'll keep an eye out for cool mint douche by Massengil, Jennifer. They better not steal my idea.

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  6. That's a good drink. You were drinking, weren't you.

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  7. ouch ouch ouch....that second one sounds painful to say the least...yikes! oh my...i may have nightmares now...

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    1. Brian, I hope you don't have nightmares of gum stuck in untoward places.
      A fabulous poet such as yourself doesn't deserve that.

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  8. That's not recycling, that's re-use.
    I've heard that ice cubes with help remove gum form hair??

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    1. You're right, Kulkuri! And I guess I repurposed something while I was at it.

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  9. Now there's an image that will "stick" with me all day!

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    1. Laura - Thank you for taking that gum and running with it. We couldn't just let it sit there, could we? What would be the point of that?

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  10. Generally I'm in favour of recycling and trying to lessen my ecological footprint but I draw the line at recycling toilet paper. There is a time and place fro first use operation

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    1. Bandobras, definitely don't ever change your first use ways.

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  11. Oh, I love you. In the best way possible.

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    1. And I love you, Renn. You and your rockstar girlfriend hair.

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  12. Ahahahhahahhah!

    "The silver lining: Minty fresh privates"

    Ahahahahhahahahha

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    1. I love to make you laugh, Meleah. xo

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  13. Ha! Love to hear that stuff happens to other people, too.

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  14. You bring new meaning to the term *gumming up the works*.

    ~Fran

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  15. Good idea: Going vegan.

    Bad idea: Trying to get husband onboard.

    The downside: Slowly congealing tofu curry on the stovetop, with only one portion missing.

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  16. Haha! Minty fresh privates, hilarious! Tell Mathman my father's ancestors also came here from White Russia - maybe we're related.

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  17. I don't think I can top yours - let me chew on it for awhile....

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  18. My guess is minty fresh privates is a much better thing than a Brazilian wax!

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  19. *dies* ACK! Gum in the pubes sounds SO painful. And i thought it was bad when the cheap pad sticky stuff misbehaved.

    Cool about your husband's family!

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  20. Well, don't get Mathman a 23andme subscription if you want to see him in the month that follows, as he will be too busy sorting through his 1,000 new "relatives." Ok, they are relatives, but try 7th cousins twice removed, etc. Still, it's compelling. More so if you have any jewish ancestry--lots of matches (many go to the site for the health info b/c there is a privacy policy and insurance companies can't find out and discriminate against them).

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  21. As for the gum trick, think of it as being efficient--a pee and a wax (sorta) at the same time.

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  22. Ha Ha! That's cool MathMan found out some cool genealogical information about his grandparents.

    When I first signed up for Ancestry.com I blew an entire day!

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And then you say....

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