Like pie. Or cheese.
Needs a stronger prescription.
It's been hot, but hey, it's summer in Georgia (I don't know what to say for the rest of you sweltering away where you are.) Heat is to be expected. The real problem is the humidity. But then, that's expected, too. Expected, but still lamented.
I step out of the shower, towel off and I can't get dry. It's disgusting. And it makes pulling on those Fanx (faux Spanx) an unpleasant, curse-word laced activity. Before I even attempt it, I aim to rid myself of some of this moisture. And then there's the fact I despise under-boob sweat. One's chest should not be a swampland.
MathMan is still in bed with his eyes closed. I assume he's asleep. I quietly pick up the box fan next to the bed and hold it in front of me. The air feels deliciously cool on my skin.
"You can just stand there and do that all day."
The sweet man. Of course, I can't take a compliment. "Good thing you're not wearing your glasses. I'm so fat and gross."
"I stand by my statement."
Interactive
Don't you think we need some more word play based on Fifty Shades of Grey?
I mean, in this age of online reality, nothing is a phenomenon until it's been parodied four hundred and seventy-two different ways.
Here
Fifty Shades of Kiss My Ass.
Okay, that's it for me. Do something with this. I know you're dying to.
Pointy
I'm listening to the audio book Jennifer Egan's Look at Me. (Salon review from November 14, 2001)
First - Egan is an excellent wordsmith.
Second - Egan was incredibly prescient or I have truly forgotten how deep we already were into the internet in 2000.
Third - I'm an impatient reader/listener. Although Egan's writing is beautiful, blah, blah, blah, I am often thinking "Get on with it! Get to the point! Tell the damn story!"
Do you do this or am I just an asshole?
Holidaze
I'm going to take the month of August off from the internet. I've got some work travel coming up and a stack of books to read. School starts back up and that's a busy time at Golden Manor.
All of which is to say, expect me to blog every single day next month because whenever I say I'm taking a break is precisely when life presents me with all sorts of writing material.
Crank it wide open and let your thoughts spill out, yo.
And this because I love the lyrics, that's why.
I am normally into much louder stuff, but that new Brandi Carlisle release is stellar.
ReplyDeletezombie - I agree. I've listened to Bear Creek many times and it's a winner.
DeleteI am also a very impatient reader. I skip when I get bored.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it's not just me, Lisa. The only thing keeping me from skipping on this audio book is the fear that after all this time, I'll miss the critical scene. What a trap!
DeleteGod I hate humidity. You have my sympathy.
ReplyDeleteI've not read 50 Shades of Grey and don't think I want to based on all of the poop I see flying by on the internet. As for Egan, I often get annoyed with books that don't move along.
I hope you will take your August break, you deserve it!
Susan - Thank you. I hope I take that break, too. I feel like I need to read more to be a better writer. Also, I'm glad to see you introducing yourself over at Teri's!
DeleteFifty Shades of WaysTo Leave Your Lover.
ReplyDeleteSteve! I love that. Well done, sir.
DeleteComing from you, I feel honored. By the way, Bammer humidity is much worse that Georgia humidity. Why, you ask. Because I'm in Bammer. #stillmorebackwardthanGeorgia
DeleteAre you subconsciously saying Mathman is cheesy? I can't speak to/against your assholery because everyone on the interwebs is a lying liar of liarnesse, but since I'm less about plot and more about purple, I don't mind such stylistics.
ReplyDeleteAugust avoidance over/under: the 14th.
Randal, you would like the purple. I've turned into such a immediate satisfaction type of person. It's sad really. I used to read things like Anna Karenina and Gone with the Wind and never once shouted at those very looooong books
DeleteThis better not mean you're dumping the blog for a tumblr of nothing but Google image thievery.
DeleteNever! I mean, I do have a tumblr of this and that, but it could never replace ze blog, Randal.
DeleteFifty Shades at a Ray-ban Kiosk?
ReplyDeleteFifty Shades of a Very Small Forest in the Sun?
Sarah W, you rock it, my friend. Fifty Shades of Color Your Gray? Fifty Shades of Why Didn't I Think of That First? Fifty Shades of Grey Martha Steward Paint?
DeleteI'm a bit sugared up. You can tell, right?
Fifty Shades of I've Never Actually Participated in this Activity?
ReplyDeleteFifty Shades of Say WHAT?
Fifty Lamp Shades and Other Stupid Party Tricks.
We finally cooled off this week to the 80s and it's SO NICE. Much more my speed. How's your job going, by the way?
Hi, Hart! I'm so glad you're getting some more humane weather.
DeleteMy job is going well. I love it. It's nice to be able to say that.
Mathman should be cloned. A Mathman for every woman, and a solution for under-boob sweat. I could win on that platform.
ReplyDeleteAveril, MathMan is a wonder. I keep wondering when he's going to put on the soft shoes and pick up the pillow.....
DeleteI'd vote for you on that platform of a MathMan for every woman and a solution to under-boob sweat. Heck, I'd vote twice!
Fifty Shades of It's Cool Here Today Am I Going To Play Golf (And Bring My Camera, Of Course!)
ReplyDelete~
Thunder, I must come see what you and your camera saw at the golf course.
DeleteFifty Shades of WTF?
ReplyDeleteYup, that's all I got.
MathMan rules. Is he also cloneable
Fragrant Liar, if I could clone MathMan, I would. In a heartbeat.
DeleteMoving back to New York has shown me what a person really means when they say, "hot and sweaty."
ReplyDeleteIt just. doesn't. STOP. All day long, you're walking around outside and worrying to yourself, "is my swamp ass noticeable?!"
JustMe - Yuck. City heat and humidity. All that concrete makes it seem so much more close and gritty. You have my sympathies.
DeleteMy hiatus lasted a whole weekend and resulted in some Internet changes. Surely you can top that! ;) I'll miss you while your gone!
ReplyDeleteHi, O~! It seems like you appreciated your short internet hiatus nevertheless. I'll miss you, too.
DeleteThe warmest summer day so far in my just below the arctic circle locale, 70 degrees. That was a warm day. Today it's 60. But don't despair, the valve to the heater in the bathroom is broken so it's 90 degrees in there and I get to have the same out of the shower experience as a Georgian.
ReplyDeleteOne plus is 50 Shades hasn't hit the bookstores here. Yet.
Deb! I was all set to feel some envy until I read the part about the heater valve in the bathroom. It's such a drag to get out of the shower and start sweating immediately.
DeleteFifty Shades of A Bunch of Middle Aged Women Who Have Never Had Interesting Sex So Middling Not-Quite Soft Core Porn Feels Nasty.
ReplyDeleteOr did I give away my feeling too much.
I make it a point each morning when Lisa is showering to join her, to hug her just before she steps in, or at the very least, ogle as she strips. There is no sight more wonderful than the naked body of my wife. Not even yours, no offense.
If you take time off, I shall pout but carry on. Oh, and are you headed to the Land of Lincoln or not? Message me.
Geoffrey - You have the right idea about your wife. I think it's wonderful that you appreciate her naked form even as it changes over the years you've been together. I should give MathMan more credit for his appreciation. (I wonder in what form he might want that credit?)
DeleteI laughed at your take on Fifty Shades. Do you think that's really the case? Are so many of us so repressed? I don't know. Maybe? I know one of the reasons I haven't read it is because I'm, um ----- I prefer -----
Let's just say I'm visual.
The trip to IL was cancelled due to a lack of funds and priorities such as a new washing machine, blah blah blah. Being a grown up really blows sometimes.
When we can make the trip, I'll let you know.
happy travels, happy reading!
Deletei'll still be here when you return.
wait--you said august, that's at least two more blog posts away, right?
Judging by the reactions some of my female FB friends have made about Fifty Shades, I'm guessing that, yeah, these folks needed to have a bit more fun when they were younger. Or maybe need to have such fun now.
DeleteI adore my wife. She is my best friend. She is the most awesome mother. She works harder than any five people anyone could name. She is funny. She laughs at my jokes. That I can still get hot when the clothes slip from her body after nearly 20 years together is a plus I would never take for granted.
Sorry about the trip. Next go 'round, then.
If MathMan is anything like me, all I can say is "Be more creative than the repressed person who wrote 50 Shades when offering your thanks." Of course, I know you are.
Fifty shades of rain. That's all I got - that's all bloody ENGLAND has.
ReplyDeleteOh, Downith. If only I could send sunshine via internets. I would.
DeleteI was cracking up at the end ---- OF COURSE you will post everyday when you say you're taking a blog-cation. Hahahaha!
ReplyDeleteAnd to Downith above, I wish you some sunshine. My word.
Teri, you know me well. I'm sure I'll be blogging, too. When I should be reading!
DeleteWhen the humidity reaches 90% even 75F feels uncomfortable. Does '50 Ways To Stay in a Cool Bath' count? I have a husband who says 'the more wrinkles, the more fascinating the territory to explore'.
ReplyDeleteps: Even if you were sitting on an iceberg on the North Sea, you'd still be waiting for Telstar to be in range so you could post.
susan, another person who knows me well. You've seen me try to scale back before. It's a losing game.
DeleteI love what your husband says about wrinkles. What a gift that is.
I hate under boob sweat too. So, my sister told me what she did and it works. I now not only put deodorant under my arms, but put it under my breasts as well. I'd consider putting it in my butt crack too, but would have to buy it's own bottle, I suspect. Who wants to roll on deodorant that has cozied up ass crack?
ReplyDeleteMaria! You crack me up.
DeleteI use powder (foot power no less) and I've never tried deodorant. I'm going to give that a whirl!
Sturdy Girls, unite! I have tried deodorant (stings), powder (cakes), and Anti Monkey Butt (don't ask); none of it worked. The combo of under-boob sweat and pre-existing skin issues was AGONY. I finally gave up the ghost on the Mo-Fo's known as Underwires (tools of Satan himself) - and went whole hog with the sports bra.
ReplyDeleteGranted, I now sport a mono-boob...but it's a BIG ONE. The upside? I'm married to a sci-fi Nerd. It doesn't bother him at ALL.
Fanx! Brilliant
ReplyDeleteAnd I spend most of my time reading books flipping pages because THEY JUST WON'T GET ON WITH IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
Don't read 50 Shades if you haven't already. You will hate it only because it is so poorly written and you can get REAL lady porn on the internet.
"Fifty Shades of Why the Hell Didn't I Write That Shit?" With the temperature in Ohio hovering around 100 the past couple weeks, I'm feeling totally hot enough to write something I would never want to read.
ReplyDeleteFifty Shades of corporate bullshit!
ReplyDeleteI ditched the corporate town hall meetings this week & went to the local hippie fair instead.
Don't think I missed anything, stuff I brought up 5 years ago has still not been fixed.
Shit runs downhill.
Did I mention I literally work on a Dead End street?
As for weather, Oregon has been in the high 80's, cools off when the sun goes down....
you triple digit folks have bragging rights. Hot as hell & twice as humid.
That's just perfect!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lisa-- thank you.
:)
Oh, and--under-boob sweat SUCKS!
ReplyDelete