Saturday, February 7, 2009

Well, It Ain't the Ritz


But it's home.....

To wrap up our trip to Lake Oconee. After we learned that the car was possessed - okay, the electronic locks were all cattywampus - I ruled that The Dancer was not going to drive to Athens by herself. Imagine, if you will, she's driving alone for an hour, nervous, on unfamiliar roads, on her way to a really important audition, still feeling sick and no sure how often she'll need an emergency bathroom break. Add to the mix, being locked into the car and well - I wasn't having it. It seemed like an invitation for more trouble.

So she extricated herself from the car and went back to the room to sleep while I attended my meetings. The University emailed us and someone is supposed to call about possibly rescheduling the audition. Here's hoping.

Finally, The Dancer and I got on the road. It was a quiet, uneventful trip, punctuated by the sound of an occasional received text message or me asking her if she was still doing okay. We zoomed along in the possessed car, sealed in tightly and all locked up.'

We arrived home and I pulled into the garage. The Dancer exhaled a long breath. "Man, do I have to pee," she said.

I switched off the ignition. "Me, too," I agreed, undoing my seat belt. "This stuff is going to have to wait." I gestured over my shoulder at the luggage.

Automatically,we both reached for the car doors. Click. Click. They weren't budging. Oh, fuckery. Having to pee is great motivation to move quickly. We bumped heads as we clambered over the car seat and went tumbling out of the passenger's side rear door (the only one that had stayed unlocked). Shoving and fighting each other all the way up the stairs, we reached the top, and ran down the hall to the bathroom.

25 comments:

  1. That car is wicked! But, you made it home safe and that is good. I hope you enjoy your weekend.

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  2. There is nothing worse than having to pee and having a locked door or some other obstacle standing in your way!

    Welcome home.

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  3. Good luck with rescheduling but it's not ever a good sign for the auditionee to cancel. I'm just sayin'.

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  4. I'm thinking it might be a worse idea to go to an audition having the runs and projectile puking. Just saying...

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  5. If they can't understand that stuff happens in life screw them anyway, but I'm sure they'll be understanding.

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  6. I have never seen the word 'cattywampus' before.

    If they don't understand about real life and all that, and end up being extra jerky, I wouldn't be averse to sending them some sternly-worded letters on your behalf. It worked for Congress.

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  7. Quick, name your car. Then, when you call to reschedule, tell them that you couldn't come, because a member of the family had just suffered from a seizure and insisted that you stay close.

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  8. Too freaky Lisa! The lock thing is one of those things I suspect, just the timing of it all sucks.
    It will all work out.
    Always does right?

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  9. Glad you made it home safely, now you can rest and heal... hopefully the car will get well too...lol

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  10. That's why I hate electronic doodads that control the windows and locks on a car.

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  11. Hey, any school that worships a bulldog is a fallback school in any case.

    Maybe the projectile vomiting was her body's way of telling The Dancer she can do better than UGA.

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  12. Now where's the camera when a good picture is waiting to be taken??? Seeing two women scampering OVER the seats to get out a single door - to pee...had to be great.

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  13. Having to pee is great motivation to move quickly.

    truer words have never been spoken

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  14. cat⋅ty⋅wam⋅pus also catawampus

    Chiefly Midland and Southern U.S.
    –adjective
    1. askew; awry.
    2. positioned diagonally; cater-cornered.

    –adverb
    3. diagonally; obliquely: We took a shortcut and walked catawampus across the field.

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  15. It is far better for one's car to be "possessed," than to be RE-possessed.

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  16. Oy, what an adventure. Maybe that's why some people wear diapers on long car rides?

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  17. You mean you both had to run for the same bathroom? Who won?

    suzi - Trust you to remember that story.. thanks, it's still a favorite.

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  18. hoping for your sake, there are two toilets in your house??

    glad you got home safely and you didn't come down with whatever afflicted your lovely daughter! hoping she hears soon on the audition reschedule...fingers crossed!

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  19. Nothing worse than to have something important to do and have the flu. There will be other opportunities if this doesn't pan out I'm sure.

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  20. Is your car one of those with automatic door locks (locks when you put it in gear) or one that locks after a certain time period?? The solution may be as simple as lubricating the door lock mechanisms or as complicated as having to reprogram the computer in the car. The Old Lady and I have had troubles with rental cars that would lock themselves (and one or more of us out) at inopportune times. The last time was when the temp was below zero UP on the tundra. Luckily she got cold and got back in the car that we had left with the key in it and the engine running before it locked itself.

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  21. Home again home again jiggety jig. Glad you made it and that the car didn't win.

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  22. John Cowper Powys says in his Autobiography that he was astounded that he'd never found in any other autobiography even a mention of having to go to the bathroom when no bathroom was around!

    And Leonard Cohen famously said in his novel Beautiful Losers: "Never make a decision when you have to pee."

    Twice this winter coming home late at night I have been forced to run down a side-street when nature called. I did not take the time to write my name. Pee happens.

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  23. Damn thing sound possessed, if you ask me!

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  24. damn, How does one get an exorcism for a car??
    Sorry to read about the Dancer's problems, I' working my way backwards in dates, probably not smart,but I'm way behind....nothing new there.
    Glad you arrived home safely

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