Sunday, May 17, 2009

Adventures in Real Parenting: Trivial Pursuits

I am supposed to be ironing.

Ironing is of the utmost importance at the moment because there is a very busy week in store for us here at Golden Manor. Knowing that, I could really use the comfort and meditation of ironing.

Since it's already 10:53 p.m. and I have to get to work early tomorrow for a drive to the north Georgia mountains with my boss, it's rather unlikely that I'll get to iron much. Thank goodness MathMan had the forethought to grab some blueberry scones today at the grocery store so we can have something to go with the coffee that won't be left sitting on the counter when we go blazing out of the house in the very early a.m., shouting instructions to the still half-asleep spawn over our shoulders.

MathMan knows that feeding me carbs in the early morning will keep me from gnawing on his arm as we drive.

The Spawn will be so morning dreary that I predict we'll be on I75 before we get our first unpleasant call from one of them. I'll be driving so I can leave it to MathMan to referee. He's much better with tears than I am anyway.

Despite the morning difficulties and the ongoing jockeying for most preferred child status, it's really not all bad. Last night, we even managed to have family game night and not a single punch was thrown. There were no pistols at dawn nor monkey knife fights. It helps, of course, when the parents remember to put away all the sharp objects before they commence getting totally lit.......

His alter-ego.....

The evening actually took shape in a rather organic way. We tossed around the idea of a movie, but that just seemed too passive for some of us. When The Dancer brought up the idea of playing Trivial Pursuit, we just went with it. I was a bit astonished, frankly, when The Actor wanted to join in. Lately, it's hard to disconnect him from his XBox.

So there we were, being all wholesome and shit. It was a real Norman Rockwell moment for the Goldens......

In a strange twist of events, I swept the first game, getting the easiest questions. I won with an ease and speed that was a bit spooky. So we played a second game and the alcohol must have kicked in because I was no longer be-boppin' and scattin' my way to Trivial Pursuit stardom. In fact, it seemed I couldn't answer a single question correctly, not even using the old fall back answers Josef Stalin or The SALT Talks.

Nevertheless, I was able to offer my expertise to each child at some point, taking care to help each of them the exact same number of times so that there would be no screeching about who I loved the most. Besides, they all know deep down the answer would be a major disappointment because it's one of the cats.

I did go too far, though, in attempting to help Garbo a second time which would make it one time too many according to the other children. I immediately knew the answer to her question and after watching her struggle for a couple of minutes, I leaned over and whispered as quickly and quietly as possible. She took a deep breath and gave her answer...."Mrs. Vinyl Tap."

Close, but no cigar........

P.S. Busy couple of days coming. I won't be around, but I hope you'll go visit my pals on the blog roll. See you soon......


  1. Mrs. Vinyl Tap?
    She's your favorite. The Baby is always the favorite.

    -the baby

  2. Good luck with whatever is keeping you busy . . .

    I wonder if you ended up getting anything ironed? I always iron on Sunday afternoons if we are home. Yesterday I watched The Piano, which I thoroughly recommend as a hypnotic, totally engrossing ironing film.

    Even though spawn of all kinds seem to be permanently linked to their XBox/Wii/cell phone or whatever, it is interesting to observe how much they actually enjoy playing family board games.

  3. The heck, woman...I'll skype you or email you...just you try and get away. Ha!

  4. I've been absent in commenting you, no good excuses, just lazy or preoccupied........but ironing and Trivial Pursuit, right up my ally! I hate to iron, but hate wrinkled clothing more. I love Trivial Pursuit, but my own husband refuses to play with me, since a win too often...LOL.
    And yes, you love Garbo most...........she's the baby, said from a baby herself!

  5. I usually iron on Saturday during Robin Hood (or Dr Who depending which season it is) but I had to do Sunday morning cos of the rain on Saturday nothing was dry. So turned the music up load and sung along

    John and I used to play Trivial all the time but need some new questions now.

    Have a good week

  6. That was sort of a modern and much more upbeat version of Tillie Olson's I Stand Here Ironing... except you weren't ironing. Anyway, it made me think of that story. And your story made me think of how we played lots of games-- chess, parchesi, monopoly, scrabble-- when I was growing up and they are some of my best memories. Sounds like a fun house.

  7. Ironing? What does an iron look like? I know I might have one here...somewhere. But game night is always a nice break from the rut.

  8. I loathe ironing, so I don't. In fact, I'm pretty sure I threw our iron into the trash.

    I only wear cheap, synthetic clothing anyway. There's really no need to iron polo shirts or Dickies.

    I highly recommend the purchase and playing of "Battle of the Sexes". I, apparently, am the Queen of Liquor and Fishing.

  9. If it weren't for the tinfoil bra up top, I'd think you were going all wholesome on us. Actually in Mormonism, one evening every week they have what is called "Family Home Evening." During Family Home Evening, there is no TV, no computers, no phone calls, no XBox, just good old fashioned family togetherness, game playing and such. I'm pretty sure they work in some scripture. Maybe they have Mormon Trivial Pursuits with quotations from the Book of Mormon. Not the Bible, mind you, but the Book of Mormon.

    Garbo would be my favorite too. Not that I have anything against the other kids, or the cats, but Garbo sounds like my kind of girl.

    And doesn't Mathman look handsome. Even with goofy glasses that man's a hunk.

    Have fun on your business trip and take pictures so we can gossip about the boss when he's not around. Smooch!

  10. Oh, and Ironing? What the fuck? Ironing? How very 1950's of you all. I say he or she who wants to wear clothes that actually NEED ironing, iron them him or her self. You're sounding very 1950's. Is the Fluffington Post getting inside your head and making you do such odd things?

  11. Mrs.Vinyl Tap???? Toooooo funny!

    I think if Rob Reiner had heard that line he would have used it in the movie himself.

  12. I haven't played Trivial Pursuit in

    Be careful and have fun on your

    See you when you get back..

  13. Memories. I remember having friends over (still lived with my grandparents while in college), breaking out the trivial pursuit. My mother and I were not allowed on the same team because we kicked ass. Lots of food, some beer...good times. Hope the week isn't too busy.

  14. no monkey knife fights?
    ok if that's what you and yours enjoy but my family roll a different way!

  15. I LOVE Trivial Pursuit, but alas, Bing detests board games and Liv is not quite old enough yet to be a challenge, so we are stuck with checkers. I am teaching her chess.

    We did go see the new Star Trek movie last weekend and even clueless me loved it.

  16. For some reason, I have absolutely no problem seeing you gnaw on MathMan's arm if you leave the house with an empty stomach. After all, isn't that what husbands are for?


  17. You might need to have a monkey knife fight knife at the ready. Sometimes those pie pieces stick.

    Utah is frightening me with that Family Home Evening garbage.

  18. Is your Trivial Pursuit game at least 20 years old? Our is. i find if you answer all the history questions with "Gen. Billy Mitchell" you're in the ballpark.

    I used to call my mom at work ALL THE TIME to tattle on my brother. She was an RN in the post-op wing of a hospital -- you know, life and death stuff -- and I would call her to say, "Paul took all of the Swiss Miss and didn't leave any for me!" It boggles my mind to think of it now.

  19. Family game night--fun! :)

    I once beat Iwanski at Trivial Pursuit. That was a great day. :)

  20. My dad always maintained the answer to the Science and Nature question would be Isaac Newton at least once in every game, so you might as well answer with it if you didn't know.


And then you say....

(Comments submitted four or more days after a post is published won't appear immediately. They go into comment moderation to cut down on spam.)