Friday, June 26, 2009

Aunts on Facebook - Caution Warranted




Regular readers are painfully aware of the fact that I do not like to self-censor. However, out of respect for my aunts (okay, it's fear), I do try to be mostly careful when posting on Facebook. And poor old Twitter - it's like the forgotten child. No, not you, MathMan, whose mother changed her phone number and neglected to tell him. The metaphorical forgotten child.

So here are some recently considered, but ultimately dismissed Facebook status updates and Tweets. Some come with bonus fill in the blank opportunities in case you want to print this off and make a little exercise out of it next time you go potty.

Lisa Golden....
...thinks there's little that separates us from the _____________________
...still thinks farts are funny. Except for cat farts. Those are highlarious.
...won the lottery, but isn't telling anyone. She needs that five dollars.
....will put some clothes on when she damned well feels like it.
...is considering a new fetish.
...makes funny noises when she ________________
...was born to be wild. In a Midwestern kind of way.
...has finished assessing the most recent pictures of herself. Drastic measures must be taken.
...won't stop til she gets enough.
...is lying on the bed petting her pussy........cat.
...still hasn't painted the fingernails on her right hand. Just call me a trend-setter.
...feels uncomfortable when she watches What Not to Wear with her kids. I just know they are thinking they should submit my name to the show for a makeover.
...knows how to play the game. She just doesn't like to.

Okay, back to the serious work of researching fetishes.....

24 comments:

  1. this is a great post, although I think all your posts are great posts.....thanks for the laughs!

    now...as you were...

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  2. Well, be careful. You sound like you might be turning into me. And I did get enough. Now I'm content with the memory of a scent.

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  3. I know exactly what you mean.. but mine is a daughter, granddaughters and a cousin...lol all on FB and all very unapproving and very prudish. I guess I shouldn't care, but I do..and have to be careful...So I respect your wishes Lisa..

    Thanks for your post yesterday too. It was much needed and much appreciated.

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  4. I don't even know if I have any aunts that aren't six feet under. Sometimes it pays to avoid family.

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  5. Luckily Mama doesn't have a computer but my evil cousin does and got from my Facebook to my blog and then all hell broke loose in the family

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  6. Born to be wild ... in a Midwestern kind of way. I like that very much.

    Here is what Grace (the young teen in a play that features a DILDO for cripes sake!) says when I make racy comments or fart jokes: "Mom, HOW old are you??" But she doesn't give me the time of day on FB.

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  7. My relatives would appreciate these kinds of updates, especially the fill in the blanks. Cat farts are more dangerous than hilarious.

    Strange sounds . . . the mind boggles.

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  8. I was 'followed'/'friended' by someone that often made the content of my comments the subject of What is Wrong with People...

    ...in front of large groups of people.

    I settled it by blocking them from, well, pretty much everything I'm involved with.

    I mean, really. My FATHER reads my blog and is my FB friend. The most I get out of him is a sigh and an eye-roll.

    That said, only the comment about your cat made me raise my eyebrows. I laughed, but I did pause first. The rest made me snicker and giggle.

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  9. I have recently compiled a list of fetishes for you to reveiw. Can I have an appointment?

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  10. Whatever you do, avoid reading about forced feeding. Someone I knew a million years ago was apparently into that (and mummification). I was given a very quick primer into what these fetishes involved. Left me wondering why?

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  11. ...is chuckling, chortling and smiling

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  12. I jumped on the bandwagon with a bunch of writer buddies, and I got Facebook and Twitter accounts. But I just don't want to be that much in touch with people, so I have rarely been back to FB and never been back to Twitter. I'd like to keep SOME privacy about my life.

    I do like your list of would-be tweets, and it's actually a little cleaner than I thought it would be, which probably says way more about my lack of censorship than yours. :)

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  13. I think it's a great post too and thanks for giving me even more reasons for keeping a low profile.

    Now don't forget your appointment with mathman.

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  14. I've almost given up on Facebook, I'm a twitter gal now, but I still like blogs, although I find them to be a different world than twitter

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  15. Please unfriend your aunts immediately. Or set up a separate FB account for those of us who want the uncensored you.

    xoxo

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  16. Farts ARE funny!--and anyone that doesn't think so, just doesn't have a sense of humor. :)

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  17. you crack me up

    you probably would crack my aunt up but she is dead

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  18. we should create a midwestern group of people and go all out.
    i'm thinking dipped cones at the DQ
    (make of that comment what you will)

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  19. Great post - even rejected Facebook status updates make great fodder when you write them!

    I'm careful on both Facebook and my blog - unfortunately people from work, including my boss, are among my friends on Facebook, and some work people also read my blog occasionally. My aunt has never been on a computer in her life and my mom doesn't know how to use the one we gave her, so no worries there!

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  20. I'm going off Facebook for this very same reason! What are we going to be able to talk about other than the weather and other drivel-aties. My mother's elderly bridge partner has now befriended me!

    I made a crack about bad food at a BBQ and got totally busted. Is there any room in this world for silly bitchery?

    (I'm addicted to Wordscraper, though.)

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  21. Ultimately, FB just speeds up the possibility of being found out saying something not meant for all ears. That's why I never say anything I wouldn't want everyone to hear. Heh. That is a lie. I really just don't care. Because when they were passing out inhibition, I thought they said nuclear fission and I said I want none whatsoever.

    As Popeye said, I yam what I yam.

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  22. So many of my aunts, et cetera are unaware that I a) have become an adult and b) developed a sense of humor and c) tend to be snarky and/or naughty that I cannot in good conscience accept their FB friendship.

    I just skirt around the issue at family gatherings then ignore requests ad infinitum.

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  23. funny, since twitter, Facebook has become my forgotten child,

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And then you say....

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