Aunts on Facebook - Caution Warranted

Regular readers are painfully aware of the fact that I do not like to self-censor. However, out of respect for my aunts (okay, it's fear), I do try to be mostly careful when posting on Facebook. And poor old Twitter - it's like the forgotten child. No, not you, MathMan, whose mother changed her phone number and neglected to tell him. The metaphorical forgotten child.

So here are some recently considered, but ultimately dismissed Facebook status updates and Tweets. Some come with bonus fill in the blank opportunities in case you want to print this off and make a little exercise out of it next time you go potty.

Lisa Golden....
...thinks there's little that separates us from the _____________________
...still thinks farts are funny. Except for cat farts. Those are highlarious.
...won the lottery, but isn't telling anyone. She needs that five dollars.
....will put some clothes on when she damned well feels like it.
...is considering a new fetish.
...makes funny noises when she ________________
...was born to be wild. In a Midwestern kind of way.
...has finished assessing the most recent pictures of herself. Drastic measures must be taken.
...won't stop til she gets enough.
...is lying on the bed petting her pussy........cat.
...still hasn't painted the fingernails on her right hand. Just call me a trend-setter.
...feels uncomfortable when she watches What Not to Wear with her kids. I just know they are thinking they should submit my name to the show for a makeover.
...knows how to play the game. She just doesn't like to.

Okay, back to the serious work of researching fetishes.....