Thursday, June 4, 2009
A Sudden Fondness for Sticky Things
Yes, that's me doing the look up while wearing the paper gown. What else do you expect me to do while I'm waiting for the doctor to come in and service me?
I'm a lying liar. I told a big fib on Pissed in NYC's blog the other day. With complete insouciance, I announced that I no longer required to have annual mammograms. Turns out, I was talking out of my rear end. I don't know where I got the idea that I didn't need an annual Mash for Good Health, but I was wrong.
Let me back up. I had my annual wellness check with cute Dr. Jason this morning We began with a review of my medical record.
"So I see that you're still using meth and coke," he noted as he gazed at his computer's screen.
"Oh, no, change that. I've dropped cocaine and added an occasional LSD tab," I corrected him. "Coke doesn't mix well with my speed."
A few minutes later, he was feeling me up on the table while we discussed bra fittings. (Long story.) Then there I was, all smug while cute Dr. Jason was doing his thing under the sheet, and I asked how many years between mammograms for me now. He reacted with some measure of surprise.
"You need one every year, Silly," he laughed.
"Well, I'll be," I said to myself as I stared at the air duct over my head. I really thought I was off the annual cycle. Oh well, I thought with a shrug and then wondered if the good doctor could just finish me off while he was down there doing whatever he was doing with his hand.
A few minutes later, Dr. Jason handed me a sheet of paper and instructed me to go to the first floor to have my blood drawn and then mosey on across the hall to the imaging center for my mammogram.
I tipped him appropriately and bade him adieu until next time.
The imaging center scheduled an appointment for me later in the day with the added bonus that it would be my favorite technician(? what's the proper term here?) Em performing the procedure. She is the same professional who performed last year's mammogram.
As she prepped me, Em explained the new digital technology. Then she applied the little nipple protector stickies to the ends of my nips. I couldn't help myself. I told her how I smuggled out the ones she applied last year so that I could take them home where I stuck them to the F and J on my keyboard. That served as an effective kid repellent.
Em laughed at that and we discussed how entertaining it might be to learn what other women do with those little sticky things. I told her about how I blogged about the stickers last year.
The mammogram didn't take long at all. I thanked Em and went into the little room to get dressed. I put my bra on without removing the stickers. As I left, Em offered me a couple of extra nipple stickers.
"You're keeping the others, too, aren't you?" she asked.
I nodded. "I'm wearing them home so I can show my husband before I stick them to the keyboard. It's becoming tradition."
So have you had your mammogram yet this year? Seriously. Have you? You can get some fun stickers, you know. And if you have, did you keep your little nipple thingies? I know Pissed in NYC kept hers and stuck them to her fridge last year. What did you do with yours?
Men may be at a risk for breast cancer, too. It's not just a chick thing.
Public Service Announcement over. Oh, and Em, if you're reading this - hi! You did a great job today. I didn't say "owie" a single time. Thank you.