Dear Google May I Have My Blogs Back!

Dear Google,

Please let me have my blogs back. I was wrong to delete them, I know, but now I am sorry and I want them back. The truth is I am an idiot who didn't understand that one of her email accounts didn't have full access to the blogs in question. I thought I'd done everything right, but when I finally pulled the trigger, hoping to eliminate duplication, I was wrong. I killed PoliTits, Unglued, Have Camera Will Travel, and Unglued Blue.

I am distraught. Four years of writing gone in the push of a single submit button.

What I was trying to do was once and for all kill off DCup. Perhaps that was my mistake. She is me. I am her. We are. I only meant to delete her profile, it seems, but instead when I deleted my blogger account, I was denying her existence in irrevocable ways.

Gone. It is all gone. I dutifully completed the request for access three times. Still you deny me. You want dates of when I started using the account, what other applications I used and dates when I started using them. Seriously? I am nearing senility, off my meds, have three kids, five cats, a husband, a house, a full time job, two part time jobs, and was once a blogger who blogged in several places and often twice a day or more. You want me to tell you when I started using Picassa as DCup? Medic!!!!

I know that you are only doing your job, trying to protect the integrity of everyone's account, but please, where I can I appeal? You will not provide me with a way, other than the form, to contact you. And the form provides no space for evidence outside of the strict criteria you set. I am not going to get nasty with you, but I am definitely frustrated beyond belief. I mean, it's been quite a day already. I ate leftover birthday cake for breakfast. The rain and traffic were so bad this morning that I got part of the way to work and had to turn around and come back home to annoy a cat who had taken up her usual spot in my office chair. I haven't cried yet, but there's still a serious possibility that there will be tears before bedtime.

Is this really all that you're going to say to me? You know, after having completed the form three times, this response is losing its charm....

Thank you for your report. We've completed our investigation and cannot
return your account at this time. We were unable to verify that you own
this account based on the information you provided.

If you can provide additional information to verify that you own this
account, please visit
http://www.google.com/support/accounts/bin/request.py?ara=1 and submit
another report. Whether we can return access to this account depends on
the strength and accuracy of your responses, so be sure to provide as much
information as possible. If you're unsure about specific dates or
information, provide your best guess.

To create a new account, please visit
https://www.google.com/accounts/NewAccount

We apologize for any inconvenience and appreciate your cooperation and
understanding.

Regards,
The Google Team

You, dear Google, tell me that I cannot have it back because you cannot verify that those accounts are mine. Let me show you the evidence. How's this - a cut a paste from the emails I'm now getting. Even there, I am haunted by DCup....and this comes from you.

This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification
Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:

Received: from mr.google.com ([10.103.64.19])
by 10.103.64.19 with SMTP id r19mr5113606muk.8.1255374081337 (num_hops = 1);
Mon, 12 Oct 2009 12:01:21 -0700 (PDT)
Received: by 10.103.64.19 with SMTP id r19mr2642197muk.8.1255374081321;
Mon, 12 Oct 2009 12:01:21 -0700 (PDT)
X-Forwarded-To: dcup84@gmail.com
X-Forwarded-For: lisahgolden@gmail.com dcup84@gmail.com
Delivered-To: lisahgolden@gmail.com

Received: by 10.103.137.5 with SMTP id p5cs254376mun;
Mon, 12 Oct 2009 12:01:20 -0700 (PDT)
Received: by 10.211.131.8 with SMTP id i8mr7574137ebn.68.

1255374080738;
Mon, 12 Oct 2009 12:01:20 -0700 (PDT)
Return-Path: <bounce-20-525598726@trakken.google.com>
Received: from smtp-out.google.com (smtp-out.google.com [216.239.33.17])

You see, because I had my newish email (lisahgolden@gmail.com) linked to my old one (dcup84@gmail.com), I am still receiving the bouncebacks after having deleted the DCup84 account.

May I pretty please have access to my google account again? I promise not to kill off DCup ever, ever, ever.

The problem may have arisen because in my infinite wisdom, I did at some point last year or maybe early in 2009, change the DCup nickname to lisahgolden (still under the DCup84 email address), thus muddling things further. I repeat - I am an idiot.

You don't really want to punish me for being a technological moron, do you? I mean, I know that you might think I'm cool (I am not) and that I was part of the crowd of people who tortured you in high school (I really wasn't! Promise!), but I was too busy being friends with everyone and getting laid to harass anyone that high school hierarchies define as uncool.

So please. I'm offering you the most information I can to prove that this google account belongs to me. And pictures as evidence. And my first, second and third borns. Five cats? The use of the Unglued tag Hot Married Sex. The lacy black bra avatar. Take it all, please, just give me access to my blogs.

I will delete no more. My cyber world will be as crammed full of stuff as my computer's recycle bin. Old pix, downloaded porn, draft after draft after draft of emails, letters, poems, screenplays and stories. None of it will be dispatched into the great beyond. You have my word. Heck, you can even have my favorite word - FUCK!!!!!!

Please reconsider your hardline. I will be forever grateful and will do a monthly post about how incredibly awesome Google is. And I won't tell you to go fuck yourself. Ever.