Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Sick or Depressed?

Or same thing?

Something has rendered me quiet (except for the complaining), chock full of the mehs, and feeling like doing nothing at all. Or at least nothing productive. Even my cherished act of ironing - the domestic engineering equivalent of Xanax, isn't working it's typical magic today.

The fun has even been taken out of comfort food. Chloe, the Dancer, has taken up her post next to the kitchen door and I can feel her silently judging me as I drift in and out of there hunting for something to make me feel right again. I know that she looks at my growing ass and thinks "dear lord, is that what I have to look forward to?" right before she starts clearing her throat and throwing disdainful glances at my bowl of ice cream or glass of soda or that Duggar-Family sized bag of cheese doodles I'm pulling in the wagon behind me.

Nothing tastes right, I'd really rather just sleep, passively watch old movies or kinda sorta read. And there's this nagging sense that I should be doing something. It's an internal nag, not an external one. Except for the moment when MathMan very sweetly wondered aloud if I'd be joining him at the gym today, I damn near took his head off in a most unpleasant growl "Did you not just hear me say I don't feel like doing anything?" I hit almost every word in that sentence so hard for emphasis that I don't even know where to place the italics.

I'm sorry MathMan. As if you need a grump of a wife to deal with now.

So my question is out there - sick or depressed? Please discuss. Before I make another attempt at the ironing, I'm going to don a disguise and sneak into the kitchen for some pudding. I think there's whipped cream, too.......


  1. I'd say depressed ... which is what I've been dealing with for a few weeks now. And what's really frustrating is that I no longer have a "safe space" to go, since the major source of my depression now lives with me.


  2. I was looking through the archives of my blog today, trying to find a picture. One of the things I found instead was this.

    I say depression, perhaps coupled with an under-producing thyroid.

    I would indulge yourself for a day or so more, then take up MathMan on his offer of exercise. Maybe even walk outside or something. Force yourself to do it.

  3. The fact that nothing tastes good suggests "sick," IMO. But I suggest that you keep experimenting just to make sure.

    And then go for a brisk walk with MathMan later today.


  4. It's a situational depression. Losing a job is a major life trauma. Add to that the standard post-holiday anticlimax blahs.

    And the thing is, what you're doing is perfectly okay. Comfort food, sans exercise, not feeling content, whatever.

    It only becomes a problem if you're in exactly the same place a month from now or 6 months from now.

    We're at the shortest days of the year so seratonin's low, as well.

    Be easier on thyself. You're in a processing mode. You'll find fresh motivations soon enough without anyone nagging, because you care.

    If you stay in the rut, then it's time to consider counselling and St. John's Wort. But for now, veg a little. Find a few things that trigger laughter, even passive activities.

    You're still decompressing from the big life changes, you have a safety net (Unemployment/severance) so cut yourself some slack. The rebound usually comes. If you're feeling the same in Feb, then you might need to consider seeking some outside answers.

  5. I'll tell the one thing that hits with a wallop, and its the bugaboo of aging. We have various tipping points in our lives, for the first decades just about everything seems reasonable, possible and correctable. But there are moments when aging creeps in and we realize the upside is smaller and less obtainable. Call it depression, call it crappy, call it aging (and I don't mean old) but years and experiences become sandpaper and it takes some adjustment to deal with it.

    And I''m not saying you're old - perhaps just sensing mortality.

  6. lisa, my dear, it's a crappy time of year and you have had a major change in lifestyle and you finished your novel too, it's anti-climatic, and can lead to feelings of sadness and depression...but true depression lasts awhile so i would eat whatever and worry later about weight control, for gawd's sake, give that a break, do what YOU want to do, period.

    one caveat, eating sugar and caffeine will make it all worse but some people can handle it, not me, but some...but i bet you know that drill...

    ((((((((((kisses and more kisses)))))))))

  7. Oh Lisa, I think you've just got the blues. Job loss coupled with holiday letdown. Two perfectly good reasons to act like me, I mean, to do what you said you were doing--wandering aimlessly around finding food as comfort and not being in the mood for anything. (welcome to my annual year end letdown-a-thon)
    Give it a couple of days. If you can force yourself out of the house and get some fresh air, it'll probably do you some good. Kids are great for that sort of thing: go toss the football or a hike in the woods. (I really have to take a few days off carbs too--that helps a lot)
    Or you could just stay on the schlub train and come up for air when the time is right.
    :) This too shall pass. Hang in.

  8. Have you thought about peyote?

    Cures everything, lemme tell ya.

  9. I noticed the comics post x mas all had this after x mas let down theme. Here they have been shoving X mas down our throats since before Halloween.... they even make "news stories" about how shopping rescues the retail world & puts them in the black (ink), trying to guilt us into buying. Of course when jobs run out, you can't buy, but frankly, after so many years the whole ritual becomes tiresome.
    It was easier to relate to when the kids were little.
    My 21 year old college student came home sick as a dog w flu. He'd otherwise been fiercely independent-- but now he wanted to be home, and cared for. Also broke.... I did the parenting thing & paid for all the co pays... Doctor, & 2 prescriptions & later on 20% of the bill. I am thankful he did not land in ICU or worse.... but it was an unexpected "holiday surprise" if you will.

    You never hear any holiday songs waxing poetic about being up to your elbows in Disinfecting wipes & truckloads of Kleenex, chicken soup, ginger tea & lemons, now do you? No these are not things happy holidays are made of. But you roll with the punches.

    After all the hype, I feel exhausted.
    Who cares about another sale? I need to get RID of stuff. Politics are frustrating as hell, and sometimes you feel the best thing to do is give it a rest. Unless we are going to engage in a full fledged revolution, the same corruption, and dirty dealings will be repeated.

    So each day is a fresh start. I know my husband likes to go to the park pool w me, but sometimes he comes up to chat when I am in the middle of my routine & just want to be left alone. I am not one of those couples who just loves to do everything together. A little space is a beautiful thing. Maybe a solo bike ride or walk will give you time to chill & breathe & not have conversation. We all need space. All of the sudden everyone is back home @ your place, right? Right in the middle of you adjusting to your new circumstance.
    Probably feels like too much.

    It's OK to take a break from the routine.
    Maybe you just need to get out, & go by yourself to an art museum, or coffee shop, or walk in the park to just have some time for you, & to chill.

    As much as we love our families, time apart is good too. Plus you might just have others take turns putting meals together.... even though you are not working, you need a break too.
    Maybe you need to announce... I'm taking Thursday off from cooking & dishes. Let someone else step up.

    Break out of the routine & do something different.

    J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter author) sat in a tea shop for hours scribbling down notes & ideas for her books.

    Maybe you just need to escape to the library or some quiet place to have time for you?

    I notice often Moms put together all the holiday stuff, gift getting, food shopping, cooking, cleaning, serving & more cleaning- maybe don't get much in return. I think all Mom's sometimes have that feeling of constantly giving.

    Sounds like you need to replenish your kettle... if you kept ladling out love, care, etc...
    you need time to restore.

    Are you a water baby?
    Maybe a nice soak in a hot tub (park??) might melt away the stress & blues?

    Hope you get some relief soon!

    Step away from the ironing board!

  10. Sounds like you've got a good case of the blues, darlin'. Your book is done, and it's in that nagging "don't edit me yet" stage, just sitting there, taunting you. You're not working, which probably nibbles around the edges of your sense of well-being. Been there and it can be yucky, to say the least.

    I offer no advice, just the hope that you will take the presence of all these comments as evidence that all sorts of people in all sorts of places love you and are pulling for you.

  11. Your fist shaking will not scare me away from asking you to exercise with me.

  12. See, it sounds like you have made New Year's resolutions. That is why you feel sick and depressed. My advice: step away from the resolutions, and live it up with that comfort food. You will feel better in no time.

  13. Wow, lots of great advice up there!
    A nice leisurely walk outside always does wonders for me.
    I agree with all your other friends - sounds like post-holiday, post-book, post-unemployment let down. Feel the pain, work through it. This too shall pass.

  14. mathman is birddogging you!!!!!

    give it up, girl! I wasn't gonna mention it, but hey, sex is a sure cure fer what ails ya, in my book. (at least for a half hour or so....)

    are you laughing yet?

    (we're gonna want details too--that's why we come here)

  15. Post Christmas blahs. I have them too. I'm hoping things improve in the new year...for both of us.

    I've been eating everything in sight too, plus drinking more than I should too. Sigh.

  16. Sick or depressed? I'd probably say a little bit of both. Could be partly to blame on the post-holiday letdown.

    Just remember that sometimes you just have to give yourself a break--it's important, in order to recharge your batteries.

    Hope you feel better soon... :)

  17. It's normal to feel depressed if you feel sick. I think they go hand in hand. Once you are feeling better your mood will swing back around. Concentrate on getting well - pleanty of rest or sleep, liquids and nyquil. You'll feel like your old self in no time. I hope so.

  18. sick or tired? perhaps a day in bed will do the trick.
    i know it is serious when even ironing ain't doing the trick
    hope Wednesday is better

  19. What everyone else said. Yep, depression. Things to do? I think Fran's idea of going to a library or coffee shop to write sounds great. Also, try to start the day with some stretches/exercise. It stimulates natural endorphins which should elevate your mood. It's worth a shot. Good luck, Lisa.

  20. Oh probably both... One can kinda lead to the other, especially this time of year... Hope you're feeling a lot better soon.

  21. You sound a bit lost to me. Understandable since your job ended(how's that for a euphemism?), the book is done and Christmas is over. Lots of scheduling that has run out.

    Give it a few days, get over your illness and then see what happens. Relax and then look for the timing to enter the next turning jump rope.

    BTW, is there any pudding left?

  22. Sending some hugs, smiles, and laughs your way.

  23. Classic post holiday letdown coupled with major trauma of job loss. I vote for depression, but wouldn't worry about it unless it persists into January.

  24. Do or don't do whatever you want or don't want. For a while. It often works for me to ride it out and not worry too much about it.

    Good wishes your way.

  25. I say depressed. I just finished version 20 of my novel. I should be over the moon with joy. All I want to do is crawl back in bed and pretend to read or watch any old crap on TV and sleep for days.

  26. Depressed. I would definitely say depressed. And I'm in agreement with the wallow for a bit, but keep a watch out for how long this lasts, and then get help if you need to.

  27. Ironing, really? Hmmm, I've never been one for ironing but I'm always looking for relaxation techniques.

    If I had to speculate I'd say post-holiday blues. My recommendation would be a day spent on the water fishing with a cooler full of beer. Or a day of retail therapy.

  28. I'm late to this, but I think depressed, too. I agree with everyone who says that you should wallow for a bit and then get going. Give yourself two days or so to watch old movies and nap and then make yourself get up and do something. Feel better and Happy New Year!

  29. What's weird is that we all seem to be in the same place. Eating too much, grumpy etc. I know like a million people who are felling the same way. Ugh.


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