The only constant in this life is change...
- Heraclitus and some French guy.
Just don't ask me when "then" was. I can't remember everything all the time, you know.
Morning sex
Then
"Shall we have a go before the kids are awake?"
"Lock the door."
Now
"Shall we have a go before the kids are awake?"
"Sure, just let me finish checking my Facebook first..."
Evening chatter
Then
"What are you working on?"
"A blog post. You?"
"A quiz for my Math Two class."
Now
"What are you working on?"
"My upper body. You?"
"Cardio."
Childrearing
Then
Scream! Curse! Tearing of hair! Gnashing of teeth! More screaming! Endless silent sulking punctuated by the occasional martyred sigh .....
Now
Buzz...buzz
"Hello?"
"Mom, it's me. I'm in the bathroom."
"Oh, hello. How's it going in there?"
"Fine. Thanks. Can you bring me some toilet paper?"
"Uh...right this minute?"
"Um, yeah."
"Well, I guess I could. I mean, maybe."
"Mo-om!"
"Tell you what. Remember how much you helped me with all that yardwork the other day?"
SILENCE
"Remember?"
"What's your point?"
"Well, I'll be just as helpful to you as you were to me. I'll move with the same alacrity with which you moved when I asked you to help me with all those leaves."
"What does alacrity mean?"
"Can't you figure out? Hang on, I'll bring you the dictionary so you can look it up."
"Fine. While you're at it, will you bring me some toilet paper?"
"Awwww! That would require me to walk all the way to my bathroom, open the cabinet, bend down for goodness sake and walk all the way back to your bathroom. Geez, Nate! What do you think I am?"
"Mo-om."
"I love you, my precious boy."
"I love you, too. Will you bring me some tp now?"
"In...a...little....while....."
snicker.
ReplyDeleteNow *that* is parenting.
ReplyDeleteNow *that* is parenting.
ReplyDeleteAwesome.
ReplyDeleteMom's everywhere are standing on their chairs cheering!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhoever uses up the last roll has to make sure the supply is replenished. The problem with that is what you so aptly demonstrate here. Sans TP, bad news.
ReplyDeleteSo good!
ReplyDeleteOn a cold and rainy day, this was just the sweet humor I needed. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteYou mean it's not a rule that the mother has to make sure there's always an extra roll handy? ..or did you just take it away after the gardening incident?
ReplyDeleteThen: "I'm not in the mood."
ReplyDeleteNow: "Is that all you think about?"
Mom knows best!
ReplyDeleteCan you spare a square?
ReplyDeleteChuckle....
Along with alacrity he can look up reciprocation...
ReplyDeleteditto emery..lol
ReplyDeleteUm, I hope Nate learns that when one is in the bathroom it is more important to remember to get another roll of toilet paper than to have one's cell phone handy. Just saying.
ReplyDeleteLoving the life lessons.
ReplyDeleteDude, that cell phone is flagged!
ReplyDeleteLOL!!
ReplyDeleteIn your pic, you're feet are supposed to be on the outside. Forget how? ;-)
i love this. although at my house it would have all been text messages.
ReplyDeleteOh My God! These were friggen HYSTERICAL!!
ReplyDelete