Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Don't You Know There's a War On?

I sat on the can reading an ancient Erma Bombeck that I picked up the Friends of Library book sale the other day and  laughed so hard that the kid sprawled across my bed watching some Disney Channel something or other called in to make sure I wasn't finally melting down to nothing.  It's not like they're waiting for me to finally once and for all lose it, but let's just say a few days after such an event, one of them would say "Well, that was bound to happen sooner or later, wasn't it?"  To which they'd all self-consciously agree no doubt.


"Laughing or crying?"

"Laughing!"  I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to go back to reading.  Too difficult.  I'd reached the laughter point of no return.  You know the one?  Can't stop long enough to focus.

I put the book down, finished my business and stood staring at my blotchy face in the mirror. While I washed my hands, I realized that by not really writing much about MathMan, I'm missing out on a lot of material.  Sure you may think I write a lot about him, but oh baby, I barely scratch the surface.  And it's not bad stuff.  It's funny stuff.  The man is full of delightful one liners and spoonerisms, and what's more, he's a constant source of physical comedy.

Don't judge.  It wouldn't exactly be like I'm picking on him.  Besides, like he's always telling me, he chooses to be here.  It's not like the madness is news to him.

Now if you'll excuse me, there's a cat on my lap who keeps trying to scratch behind her head without falling off.  I guess that's my cue to start picking fleas.  Good thing I've grown out my talons again.

So tell me, what have you missed out on lately?


  1. I remember when laughter was common, it was back in the pre-Reagan years. Since then, laughing costs and arm and leg so pennies must be cautiously spent.

  2. What have I missed out on? Lord, so much. The older daughter becomes a teenager in a few weeks, and I wonder where the time went. The younger one just turned nine, a little girl no longer.

    My wife and I have spent the past few years so entangled in our various life-stuff that we only recently realized that we needed to close that distance, and had an opportunity to do so because the kids were older now. Funny how you realize that the person who shares your name, your bed, sometimes even your shirts (never hers for some reason), is pretty wonderful after all.

    Oh, and I completely missed out on the whole Avatar thing, but that probably doesn't count, does it.

  3. I like domestic comedy too. I think it's what you write best. I can see by the picture here why you married that man. God, he's really nice looking in that tall, dark and handsome way! Okay, gotta scoot and get back to work. See ya :)

  4. I agree with Liberality. Your lessons on parenting are screamingly funny.

  5. I am missing out on freaking Sears delivering a dishwasher. Our existing machine is under a fire hazard recall (go Maytag!).... but the latest of this "how many screw ups can one company make within one transaction marathon)... was calling to make sure my first internet order was canceled....

    Me: Tell me the status of this order #
    Sears: That item is scheduled to be delivered June XX, you will receive a call the day before regarding delivery time.

    Me: I need to talk to a supervisor.

    The thing about this call w Sears rep "Jackson", was that I had canceled this order 7 days ago. I did follow up calls on days 4, 5 & 6 because my instincts told me they did not cancel/get it right, process the refund.
    So now they are telling me @ 6 pm, they will deliver the machine today & will call me yesterday with a delivery time!

    I have already jumped ship & decided my best how was to order the machine from a human @ the store.

    We ordered it, everything set.....
    2 days later the clerk calls & said did you want black or white???
    She'd ordered the wrong color.

    She'd redo the order, and I just need to come down & get the new paperwork.
    I come there the next day, only to discover no one can find the paperwork.

    Later after I called them, they said they found it & I should just come back again (has a debit gift card rebate, should not just be in mail) .

    I decided my need to go to extra mile for Sears did not exist... after all they are fixing yet another screw up.

    Send it certified or via Fed X......
    I'm done.

    Apparently, Sears does NOT have everything!

  6. I'd say very little gets past you, Lisa, but now that you mention it I enjoy the posts where Mathman appears, rolling his eyes at you, etc. Maybe you should channel some more Erma Bombeck, she's clearly good for you. ;)

    As for what I've missed lately, um, let's see... a couple of clients who are retiring -- and of course central air!

  7. I can tell you what I won't miss and that's paying money to Public Storage to hold the stuff we didn't have room for here but couldn't decide what to do with. Over the course of the past few weeks we collected a few things to bring home and gave all the rest away. It felt good that the only thing we carried home today was the padlock. Maybe I'll get a bicycle because I do miss having one of them.

  8. Oh my gosh, Lisa, I just bought two used Erma Bombeck books at used booksales too! I thought with the type of writing I do on my blog I could probably use some tips from an expert (I guess she would have been a blogger now and never paid!) I haven't read them yet but you've inspired me!


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