|They wanted a picture of me, so here it is.|
I missed the deadline because I thought all day yesterday was July 25th. FAIL is my signature color.
And I won't be at the NYC event because I am, as usual, broke. This being laid off and having no disposable income has really worn thin. And that killjoy MathMan is not amused by my offer to turn tricks for some fun money. Or airfare.
I realize most of you aren't even aware of my blogher aspirations. I started as a political blogger who shifted to relationship and bad parenting blogging. I never identified as a "mom" blogger or a female blogger. Sure I did blog as a decidedly female writer with the lacy black bra avatar, but that was just a way to lure mostly male readers back to PoliTits. Ah, the good old days.
But here you are, still visiting and for that I am grateful. So grateful that I keep my clothes on now.
But what if I didn't miss the deadline? How would I sell myself? I could say that I have three well-adjusted, bright, funny children who are important to me, but not the center of my life. I believe you can be a mom without letting that aspect of who you are overshadow everything else. I'd say that I've been married forever to MathMan who is my best friend and totally hot. I'd lie and say that I'm well-adjusted, too, except for the delusions about becoming a famous novelist, the Gaslighting of my children, the collection of cats, the mild OCD that kicks in after I clean, my lifelong addiction to sugar and ongoing battle with my weight, my murky past as a high school cheerleader, and my desire to be British.
To demonstrate my onscreen persona, I'd show them my facelift video from my aborted attempt to become a beauty consultant and the series of Commute Chats we made with the camera wedged between the dashboard and the windshield. (Note: I don't have a lisp, but if you need someone with a lisp for the show, I can do that! I'm a great mimic!)
And, of course, I'd mention that what I'm in the middle of is writing my first novel and attempting to find a literary agent so that it can be published and won't they hate it if this all turns out uncharacteristically awesome and they made the mistake of passing me up when they had the chance?
Except it's not their fault that I can't read a calendar, is it?
So what do you think? Shouldn't they make an exception for me? Don't you guys want to see me, MathMan and those wickedly photogenic children of ours on TV? Careful with your answers, I'm emotionally "delicate" at the moment. Which also means sober.
Love and thanks,