Tuesday, July 27, 2010

My Too Late Submission for Project Mom Casting

They wanted a picture of me, so here it is.
This is my late submission for the Project Mom Casting. The idea is that the producers of a reality TV show will be in New York City at the Blogher Conference auditioning potential cast members.

I missed the deadline because I thought all day yesterday was July 25th.  FAIL is my signature color.

And I won't be at the NYC event because I am, as usual, broke.  This being laid off and having no disposable income has really worn thin.  And that killjoy MathMan is not amused by my offer to turn tricks for some fun money.  Or airfare. 

I realize most of you aren't even aware of my blogher aspirations.  I started as a political blogger who shifted to relationship and bad parenting blogging.  I never identified as a "mom" blogger or a female blogger.  Sure I did blog as a decidedly female writer with the lacy black bra avatar, but that was just a way to lure mostly male readers back to PoliTits.  Ah, the good old days.

But here you are, still visiting and for that I am grateful.  So grateful that I keep my clothes on now.

But what if I didn't miss the deadline?  How would I sell myself?  I could say that I have three well-adjusted, bright, funny children who are important to me, but not the center of my life.  I believe you can be a mom without letting that aspect of who you are overshadow everything else. I'd say that I've been married forever to MathMan who is my best friend and totally hot.  I'd lie and say that I'm well-adjusted, too, except for the delusions about becoming a famous novelist, the Gaslighting of my children, the collection of cats, the mild OCD that kicks in after I clean, my lifelong addiction to sugar and ongoing battle with my weight, my murky past as a high school cheerleader, and my desire to be British.

To demonstrate my onscreen persona, I'd show them my facelift video from my aborted attempt to become a beauty consultant and the series of Commute Chats we made with the camera wedged between the dashboard and the windshield. (Note: I don't have a lisp, but if you need someone with a lisp for the show, I can do that! I'm a great mimic!)

And, of course, I'd mention that what I'm in the middle of is writing my first novel and attempting to find a literary agent so that it can be published and won't they hate it if this all turns out uncharacteristically awesome and they made the mistake of passing me up when they had the chance?

Except it's not their fault that I can't read a calendar, is it?

So what do you think?  Shouldn't they make an exception for me?  Don't you guys want to see me, MathMan and those wickedly photogenic children of ours on TV? Careful with your answers, I'm emotionally "delicate" at the moment.  Which also means sober. 

Love and thanks,

Lisa

18 comments:

  1. I heard about that reality show. Probably going to make everyone involved look completely crazy!

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  2. Lisa, did you read abdpbt's post on the "high train wreck potential factor" with Project Mom Casting?
    Here's a link:
    http://bit.ly/9IBoGP
    The followup comments are good too.

    I love your videos :-).

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  3. Will it be filmed before a live studio audience?

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  4. Seems to be another way to go crazy and learn regret all over again. I vote skip it. But that's just me ;~)

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  5. Ha ha ha you are sooo lucky we are both married !!! 5 always suggest my wife could close the budget gap with a nice MILF website. Also I believe that they should, if they really want a true Mom, accept only late applications since that's how real world Mommas roll. And speaking for real Dads I missed court for the speeding ticket I got returning home from dropping momma at work for her night shift. Thought the court date was today but it was yesterday, arrrgh. Oh and I screwed up my oldest today by not having my drivers license on me for her road test. I also told the little retired teacher nerd who scores the driving test he had shitty manners when he got snippy with me. This tv show doesn't deserve you anyway, they always end up sucking and making you hate the people in them...

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  6. I'd say good luck if I knew exactly

    WHAT IN THE HECK we are getting ourselves into

    ;)

    Thanks for reading annsrants.

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  7. Lisa, you deserve the best the world has to offer, and I'm not sure this Project Mom gig is it.

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  8. When you come to NY I can put you up and MathMan of course (provided you don't turn tricks out of my apartment). Nice digs, 2 blocks from Central Park, 2 blocks from Riverside Park.

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  9. When you come to NY I can put you up and MathMan of course (provided you don't turn tricks out of my apartment). Nice digs, 2 blocks from Central Park, 2 blocks from Riverside Park.

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  10. If you get on, I may have to get a tv. Ok, I'll look for an alternative. That said, I think the others are right. The goal will be to make you look crazy. Screw that. Unless, that is, they pay enough so that you can write for a living at a higher standard of living (that you will soon embrace).

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  11. Oh, you wouldn't want to go there really, would you? All that snarky mean stuff and invasive crap? Not worth it at all...be happy your subconscious was looking out for you.

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  12. I'm upset about not being able to make the BlogHer conference too.

    But I think you dodged a bullet by missing the deadline for getting in on that Project Mom reality deal. The producers just like to make people look crazy. And while I do enjoy most reality train wreck shows...YOU? Are so much better than that.

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  13. Nah! You don't want to go all Kate Gosselin & have to have babies in litters.
    It's kind of like a gateway drug-- first some crappy reality show, then on to Dancing with the stars. It's humiliating.

    Keep your dignity, amiga.

    The missing of the deadline was a Zen thing!

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  14. I'm totally with Fran on this one: missing that deadline was "a Zen thing." I just popped away to read about this show, and although I haven't had a television for almost two years now (best decision of my life), I have a bad, bad feeling about this project. And frankly, I hope they don't turn it into a train wreck, because I *like* several mommy bloggers and wouldn't like to see them hurt -- even though I'm not a regular consumer of their work b/c, well, we strange people with no kiddies aren't quite so fascinated with how little Ethan's development compares to the pediatrician's targets, and what Rachel's next word has turned out to be.

    Your parenting posts are different because really anybody can get into them. Just one more reason I'd hate to see you trashed on screen, Lisa.

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  15. Project Mom? Sounds sorta dull, booj-wah even.

    Project...Bi-Mom. ahhyeahhh--y'd be rollin' in the shekels.

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  16. I TOTALLY think they should cast you and MathMan and the kids. Totally engaging!

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  17. You would SO be perfect for Project Mom Casting!! Really--you have so many interesting parenting stories to tell! :)

    Also, that picture of you is adorable. :)

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  18. It might be fun, and then it could turn out to be a nightmare.

    I say do a weekly loll around in bed with you and Mathman web-cast. I'd watch!

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