Thursday, July 8, 2010

Work the Kidney, Work the Kidney

Something tells me it's hot out there.

Even so, that sadist MathMan dragged me into the heat and forced me to go to the gym.  'twas upper body day so I pumped iron with the Beefy Boys.  They don't smile much.  They didn't even giggle when I made that "So do steroids really make your balls shrink?" joke.  I guess steroids shrink the sense of humor, too.

And wouldn't you know, that same sadist drove me home in a car with air conditioning in perfectly good working order, but did he use it?  Heck no.  It's only 98 degrees according to my desktop thingy.  That little thing even has sweat droplets on its upper lip.  But no, we had to ride with the windows cranked all the way down so the supercharged hot wind could whip our tired bodies.  With a situation like that, maybe I don't need Bikram Yoga.

I fixed him though.  I reeked of sweat and surly attitude as I hung my head out the car window.  After yesterday's soap incident, though, I remembered to keep my tongue in.  All I needed to complete my afternoon was a bug in my mouth.

But you're sitting there melting in your own damn chair so what am I bitching about?  It's hot.  Deal with it.  I'm saying that to me, not you.  In fact, it's so hot shut up in this little office that I haven't managed word one of my word goal yet today.  Writing has not happened.  Staying up til three in the morning isn't conducive to my morning pages nor any other kind of writing so I'm still staring at my manuscript without a clue as to how to get started today.

But you know how it is around here during the month of July.  Any semblance of order disappears.  Without a routine, we're all running wild and even I have to be reminded to floss.  There's no school summer or otherwise to keep us on a schedule.  Baseball is essentially over.  We're too broke for a vacation.  So what do we do?  We stay up until all hours.  Chloe's out partying with friends or sleeping off exhaustion from waiting tables. (heh heh)  Nathan's screaming at his XBox Live.  Sophie's in her room creating art and bedlam while drinking Mountain Dew straight from the 2 liter bottle.  MathMan and I are trying to get comfortable on that slab of concrete we call a mattress and watching British coppers solve murders.  And then when the alarm goes off at five thirty because we forgot to shut it off before finally passing out, we know that's really just a signal to allow the R.E.M. sleep to kick in.

It's like someone steps on our circadian rhythms each summer.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

The good thing about being unemployed is that I don't have to go to an office and try to stay awake.  My bed may be uncomfortable, but it's better than trying to nap upright at a desk.

Okay, I have to go.  MathMan and I need to finish our debate over which is better - sweet or unsweet tea and I'm going to solve this heat thing by dropping a few ice cubes into my bra before I settle in to write.

Try to stay cool, lovers.


  1. Hey, it's a balmy 61 degrees here! The sun is actually out now that we don't have guests. I suppose I should be glad for that, but I just keep thinking that our summer is practically over in these parts.

    I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts! :)

  2. Oh, I am so ready for that funky grubby sweaty no-routine kind of summer day. Tomorrow is the LAST day of school . . . hurrah. My family LOVES to revert to that late-night routine.

    The historical novel (filled with descriptions of English flowers and similarly florid prose) is on its way!

  3. I did not notice the heat but I did not notice the cold those years in Chicago either. But I did feel that punch in my kidney. I will make a Palmolive Martini for you later.

  4. Shoot. In this kind of weather we run the car AC full blast. Of course, the house lacks central air, so we kind of feel entitled. And after a workout, too? Wow. Props to you, Lisa!

    It's cool that you let the kids relax and do their own thing in summer. Growing up, our family's ship ran pretty tight year-round, but I wouldn't have minded getting to stay up 'til 3 a.m. *before* I left for college. ;)

  5. So why, again, were you driving around in 98 degrees without the working AC running? I'm still trying to wrap my oven mitts around that one. I mean, isn't that what it's for?

  6. At least it's a dry heat. Somewhere.

  7. kkryno - for what you put up with during the winters, I'd say you earned that balmy 61 degrees.

    Bee - Your blog post about the return of summer is beautifully written and those garden photos are to die for. Enjoy your late nights and days lying in the grass.

    Pagan - Maybe not.

    MathMan - I've concluded that there is a direct correlation between listening to baseball and having to have the windows down. P.S. I'm finishing up my iced coffee right now. Waiting for that Palmolive Martini, yo.

    Meredith - Don't be fooled, we're lazy, not principled.

    Que - A/C is apparently just a tease. I did say he's a sadist, right?

    adpurple - Welcome to comments! and yes, I'm sure it's dry somewhere. On Venus.

  8. My sister-in-law hates the new school year more than the kids. It's the routine. Trying to ferry the kids to school, after school stuff, etc. And two of the kids and my sister-in-law are definitely night people. So she's in her glory now, but will start getting depressed in August. She has a part-time job where she can do the work pretty much when she wants (because she's paid for part time but seems to do more than required, if you ask me and my brother). That said, instead of replacing the mattress, you could get a topper to make it more comfortable. Just a thought.

  9. You had me at the steroid joke, then you really had me at the ice cube in the bra, but then you'll had me all along. I guess it wouldn't help that I was about to propose a joint writing venture for reals. That wouldn't help your word count, but it would mean we'd have to meet in person, so just play along. ;)

  10. Thanks for the workout. I needed that :-)

  11. You can be jailed for teasing angus steers that way. As for A/C, I'm surprised more people don't insist on having that in the wedding vows.

    And I'm sure D-Cup would remind folks how A/C makes bodacious things 'bumpy'.

  12. Finally warmed up here too. But can't complain too much. No humidity and hot days are few. I'm taking a 4 day weekend to recoop. I am up late also.

    Popcicles and sprinklers, Linda

  13. Tell Mathman that according to the Car Talk guys, you use less gas driving with the windows closed and the a/c on than you do with the a/c off and the windows down. So if he's being cheap, he's guessing wrong, and if he's trying to save the planet, he's still guessing wrong.

    Of course, if he's just being sadistic, he's nailed it.

  14. Unsweet.

    You're gonna crap thunder, Rock!

    If Nan's right, then I'm going AC from now on, dammit.

  15. I am usually the first to bitch about the heat. To hear me tell it Valencia is the center of hell and no place gets hotter than here. However this week it has been coolish. It is 9:30 a.m. and I still don't have the air conditioner on and that NEVER happens. So I can't complain, at least about the heat.

  16. Yah, I'm pretty sure nobody likes to be asked if the hormones they take to be big and beefy shrink their balls. Also, haven't you ever heard of roid rage? And speaking of, it is hot as balls out there! I'm not heading to the gym, no way. Good for you! Ballsy, even. (Like how I keep working it in?)

  17. hahaha I just love you. that is all. (that and I am about to slip into a summer coma, I mean afternoon nap, and I agree completely about the lack of summer routine...)

  18. You are funny and hot! Stay cool!

  19. Glad you survived yesterday's soap tasting incident! *smiles* That made me laugh. :)

    It's not bad here lately--mostly mid-80's--but the weather guy on Channel 9 this morning said that the 90's are on their way back here--boo!

    By the way, have you ever tried Bikram yoga? I've heard it's awesome, that the heat makes you muscles so much more pliable. I do my own version during Sat. morning yoga in the park--lately it's been sunny and low 80's and humid for morning yoga--HOT to exercise in...but still good. :)

  20. I am too broke to vacation anywhere as well. But hey, at least the house is paid off. Can't say that about those folks who are always going away on vacation I bet.

  21. Lisa, this is us in the summer too - a mass of bad habits. Let the kids stay up too late. Start a Netflix movie at 10 pm. Lay around watching a "Say Yes to the Dress" marathon on TLC. Brainless stuff. And I wonder why I'm an unpublished author? Duh. If I put the amount of work into my, um, work that I put into my leisure, I'd be published.

    I've been considering Bikram Yoga too, or have you gone? I don't know why I'm terrified. I mean, if it's 105 degrees in the room, that's actually cooler than Arizona in July, right? But this being trapped in there for 90 minutes kind of flips me out. But I'm intrigued. Maybe I'll get over my chicken-ness and go.

  22. Sometimes heat just shuts you down. It sureld did me in. Until late last night, my apartment had stayed over 90° without a break since Wednesday mid day and is now a comfortable 74°. It's cloudy and once the sun hits the breezeway, it may shoot right up again, but I'll enjoy it while it's here.

  23. UGH! Its been 100+ degrees complete with overwhelming humidity over here too. I feel your pain!


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