Friday, December 10, 2010

So Where Do I Spray This?



Oh man!  Today I'm craving cigarettes.  Candy cigarettes. Remember those?

Not that I'm stressed, but this whole Congressional/Presidential Death Match is killing me.  Am I or am I not getting cut off from my money?  Do I or do I not set up that pay for sex chat line?  Mama needs to pay some bills. Those of you accustomed to getting it for free may have to start paying.  Call your Congresspeoples and get it sorted.  I'm busy today.

Last night Nathan and I went a little crazy with some generic Chlorasceptic.  Our lips were numb, our mouths were numb, MathMan feigned disgust with the antics.  I love being a 15 year old boy.

Today begins a month long upset in my schedule.  I'm driving over to Brenau to get Chloe. And after next week, MathMan, Nate and Sophie will be home, too.  Shit! No more middle of the day naps or porn viewing.  Damn it.  Expect me to be writing passive aggressive Facebook statuses and tweets about how I'm looking forward to the return to normalcy by the end of this weekend.

Speaking of Chloe.  I hope she's wearing pants.  Last time we saw her, she was all Ugg Boots and leggings.  Granted, she's got a gorgeous, slim body, but really?

I'm dodging the begging about putting up the Christmas tree by blaming the youngest cat. Sometimes I love playing the Blame Game.  I 'll break down eventually, because that's what I do.  I'll huff about how this just causes me more work, I'll end up being the one to put all the crap away, etc.  But they're going to be grown and gone in a few years so....you know - this is going to be the year I don't bitch about it.  That will be memorable.

Speaking of games, pretty soon I'll be playing lots of Canasta.  That's what Sophie put on her holiday wish list (we're giving eacho other things that don't cost money).  She wants to play Canasta.  So we'll be sitting around looking like my neighbor Mrs. Benham and her old lady friends back in 1976.

I might need some cigarettes to go with the Shirley Temples.  Note to self:  check stock of vodka, olives, olive juice and vermouth.  And mixed nuts.

Oh, yes. In case you never saw this, here's Chloe in an unguarded moment.  Those of you who've watched her grow over the years, might like this because I think most of you know her as the least "out there" of the Golden children.  BTW, I was digging through PoliTits archives and realized that some of you really have watched these kids grow.  I'm thinking of people like Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein and others who were reading my stuff stretching all the way back to 2006.  Wow.  Thank you, all of you readers, but especially those of you who've stuck around over the years and transformations.

What's up with your weekend?  Plans for staying cozy?

18 comments:

  1. Another awesome post, Lisa. Write on. xo

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  2. my husband will get home around 6:30 this evening after ten days away on a work trip.

    in anticipation of his return, i will clean the house . AND VACUUM--that's probably third on his list of things he likes me to do for him. (the second involves sucking of a different type. is it too early in the a.m. for this comment? not here, right?)

    my plan is to have a dinner spread of his favorites, give him a big thank-god-you're-home hug before ducking into our bedroom for a late in the day, long overdue nap while he takes over kid feeding, uno-playing, and christmas movie watching. i should wake from my nap just in time for him to get the kids in bed.

    (i think my john stamos morning sessions are affecting my libido)

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  3. 1.OMGOMGOMG CLARK BARS!!!!
    2.Is Chloe watching Love, Actually? *idea*
    3. The girls'll be home for Xmas. I'm hoping that at no point will I feel like killing them both. But I dream.
    G

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  4. There is no "cozy;" the kitchen has melted down. That is, the kitchen sink drain is apparently moving out and the ceiling above the fridge is separating. I'm seamstering and trying not to think about politics because that is going to involve major tranquilizers that I don't have.

    Anyway, have fun, commit some porn, see you Monday.

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  5. Um, shouldn't Congressional/Presidential Death Matches have, you know, actual death or at least some old school 1980s bleeding? The Iron Sheik is rolling over in his grave.

    Why no porn viewing? There's a reason they invented locks.

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  6. I'm helping with my oldest grandaughter's 3rd birthday party this week-end. Talk about the need for vodka! ;)

    I've only benn here since 2007, but I'm so glad that you're still sharing your slice of life on the blogesphere!

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  7. Sometimes I crave real cigarettes.

    This weekend? I'm getting ready for our trip. Yay!

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  8. The pay for sex chat line? Oh hell yes. You may have to start smoking just to get the Kathleen Turner voice going.

    Today is my husband's birthday, and all he wants is a BJ (same as every occasion – yawn). I bought him slippers instead.

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  9. our plans include walking the dog, playing with the cats, and not working :) house work and laundry 'might' get touched. might not. have a nice w/end. *poet*

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  10. I wish I could come on over to your house and play canasta with you for candy cigarettes. My grandma and I used to play with my grandma for Oreos. i always won.

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  11. Thumbs up on the Uggs and tights. She's right about where that look works, and may not be for long, so let her have her coterie of drooling fools. ;)

    Canasta brings me back to my childhood at my Memere's house - how the HELL did Sophie come up with THAT????

    And as usual, thanks for sharing in such a way that I feel like I've known you forever, when it's actually only been... oh, wait... ;)

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  12. Thank you, Jenny! Congrats on your you know what!

    Amyg - I remember those days when I came home from business trips and MathMan would say "hi!" and disappear. I like the way you're handling it. Careful with that John Stamos. A little goes a long way. Enjoy your after nap.

    Gine - 1. I KNOW. They're so worth picking them out of our teeth.
    2. You guessed it!
    3. I'll pray for a sista.

    Dr. MVM - You're welcome, you hottie.

    D. - Your kitchen needs to knock it off. I hope that seamstering will prove to be relaxing. If not, try porn. It works for me. Have a good weekend, my friend.

    Randal - Shhhh. You're blowing my pious approach to motherhood. Good moms don't watch porn with kids in the house. Also, if the branches of gov't did do an old school death match thing, we could make C-SPAN pay-per-view and solve the budget deficit.

    kkryno - Oh! Happy birthday to your granddaughter! 3 is such a cute age. And thank you for being here since 2007!

    Susan T. - Yay! Have fun on your trip. And I crave real cigarettes, too, sometimes.

    Glasseye - Thank you! A reason to smoke! I need one. Happy Birthday to Drew. I hope he enjoys his gift. And his slippers.

    poet - your weekend sounds lovely and calm. Good stuff. Enjoy!

    La Belette Rouge - I so wish we lived closer. We used to play Canasta with Mrs. Benham when her granddaughter Peggy was visiting her. I don't remember if I ever won, but I got a kick out of feeling so grown up drinking ginger ale and shuffling cards.

    Cunning Runt - Ha! I just remembered you in your spandex pants! In your honor, I'll stop giving Chloe the business. But her friends at school were calling her "Pantsless McGee" today at their holiday party.

    Also, I bought a Canasta deck last year and Sophie fell in love with the game. We all get very competitive and loud.

    And it does feel like we've known each other for ever! How did that happen?

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  13. It's the weekend? With all that activity coming up and the ridiculous nature of the political infighting (who would have guessed it would be the Dem congress against the Dem President?) I'm imagining you're not craving candy cigarettes.

    I do have tights but hate Uggs so I'm opting for the knee high Blondos. What do you mean I should act my age? I am planning to wear a down filled quilted skirt.

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  14. i'd start the chat for sex hotline as a backup (it always pays to be prepared)

    if y'all get tired if canasta spades or hearts is always good and if ya want I can teach ya how to play Tunk (sounds dirty but it isnt sad to say lol)

    love the Golden tribe and wish you a great holiday season

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  15. Sophie is getting more and more beautiful.

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  16. I actually bought a pack of cigarettes, a half pint of Crown Royal and a bottle of ginger ale this week, and had me a couple of drinks & cigs. It might have had something to do with the week's political news. And retrograde Mercury. And bad weather. And...

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  17. I am headed to Chicago this afternoon on the pretense of attending a work seminar, at which I do plan to make an appearance, but am hoping to hole up in my hotel room and finish what may be the very last of 5,473 edits of my current novel, and I have a distinct feeling the process may involve a bit of liquor and lots of real cigarettes.

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And then you say....

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