Monday, August 22, 2011

Did we miss anything?

Dictators fall. No, not really. Like an old sitcom featuring Tom Hanks before all those awards cluttered his mantle, they scamper away dressed like women. Or maybe they slither. That seems more fitting. Oh, screw it, I do so enjoy the vision of them tottering away on high heels, confusion clouding their faces. Toe-heel or heel-toe?

Claimstakers and stakeholders clutch their Blackberries. A talisman for today. What does it mean? Perspiration trickles from somewhere to somewhere, a manifestation of their need to have it all interpreted into dollars, euros, small shiny things that mean the world. Hungry, greedy mouths open. Baby birds craving the spin. Up or down, damn it! The uncertainty is killing us.

I scratch at the mosquito bite on my leg. Disinterested in this week's BIG STORY. When is Masterpiece Mystery going to show something new? So who can dance whether they think they can or not? Who survives? What song of Glee? Whom shall I Idolize? What chef mastered, what Kardashian smoked, what did the chiseled-cheekboned forensics beauty say about the body in the library?

The internet is running slow again. The "R" on this keyboard has gone all wonky. How many days can we go before they shut off the water? Could those gas prices come down any sooner? What are we fighting for? How about a kiss. It was only a kiss. Who has the remote? Did you see my......? Got enough money on your account for lunch this week? I found the missing cable, should I send it to you? I've got no service where I am right now. I keep hearing R.E.M. in my head. What were you laughing at in bed last night while I was trying to sleep? Oh, man, which cat did that? Well, let's refreeze them, make sure we cook them well and hope for the best.

I think world domination is one of those things that sounds good in theory, but the practicalities of it are too taxing for the human spirit. Best to leave it to the aliens when they get here.

We would make great pets,


P.S. New post at PoliTits. A shorty.

P.S.S. If you've blogged today, please put your link in the comments. My feed reader is out of control and I don't want to miss your posts. Thanks.


  1. Fantastic.
    Now take a breath and step away from all of it. Turn off the news, go sit in a chair and get those headlines focused. Step off the damn wheel.

  2. On my home computer, the letter "m" sometimes works on the first try, sometimes doesn't. On my work computer, I am incapable of typing a capital Q. I can type a q. I can type uppercase letters of any other variety. But for a cap Q, I need to hit the caps lock. I do not understand this.

  3. Dictators fall? No, they often move to the Côte d'Azur or Texas.

    The slow ones get caught - sometimes - but after decades of pooping in golden toilets it's tough leaving the plantation.

  4. One day, we shall all make great pets.

  5. Here. I am out of control today too. I think I'd make a fabulous pet. Really I would:

  6. Yeah, I just missed something and it was your REM link. Apparently, it didn't pass the Canadian copyright censors. I hate that. Copyright is an example of all that's wrong in the world these days and it's not like it's even for the benefit of or protection for the artists and writers. It's all about grabbing what they can.

    Can the aliens have the money grubbers and power mongers first? I won't mind my collar and regular bowl of 'human kibble' if I can just see them being sent off for spaying first.

    Since you asked, yes, I did post today.

  7. Where is the retirement community for fallen dictators now? I thought Gaddafi was running one -- wasn't Idi Amin living in Libya for awhile? Where do retired dictators go when their landlord gets foreclosed?

  8. Wonky is now my new favorite word.

  9. Wow! I love this post. It is a synopsis of our unhinged world, brilliantly told.

    As for "Oh, man, which cat did that? Well, let's refreeze them, make sure we cook them well and hope for the best." ...I'm a little concerned that the one sentence followed the other. :)

    My post today is called "Quit Your Honking!"

    See you around!

  10. I spend a lot of Sunday mornings watching the political shows. Just a few weeks ago, I watched a very well dressed, tailored Michelle Bachman speak eloquently. Well, she SOUNDED all smart and sure footed and then I actually thought about what she said.

    "Well, what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne from Waterloo, Iowa. That's the kind of spirit that I have too!" This is right out of her perfectly toned, pink lipsticked mouth.

    John Wayne was not from Waterloo, Iowa. He was from my home town of Winterset, Iowa. John Wayne GACY was from Waterloo.

    Oh, dear. And she sounded so sure, so confident and so, so very boss.

    Boy howdy....

  11. Yea, it's all too much, as the Beatles said.

    Loved your politits piece, but alas I have *no access* to comment.

  12. Yep. It's overwhelming alright.

  13. Here's a Facebook post from one of my "friends" today:

    "FOX News is reporting that Obama is the first US President to be so unfeeling and disconnected from the American public that he played golf on Martha's Vineyard while the east coast was struck by one of the strongest earthquakes in history."

    I've been biting my tongue all day, which has grown even more difficult with the supporting comments that followed.

    Please help me.

  14. "all interpreted into dollars, euros, small shiny things that mean the world."

    This reminds me so much of the first chapter of Little Bee which I just finished last night.

    Great post Lisa.


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