Monday, September 12, 2011

Unemployment Diary: Swing Time

Another Monday.
Another week.
Another chance to do good, get something right.
The pressure of Monday and its promise of a shiny new week is making me wish for tired old Thursday where I can gaze lovingly back at Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and take stock of the week. More or less. WINNING? You betcha.
Today I go and play yet another round of Come on, lady, won't you even consider being a home health aide with the Department of Labor Dude.
He means well, but seriously? Take care of the needs of others and be paid precious little for the pleasure?
Now you're just describing my homelife,sucka.
 I'll whip out my long list of jobs applied for.
The Excel spreadsheet of shame, a life's work itself these days. A map of failures to make a great first impression.
And he'll nod and remember that oh, yeah! this is that woman who does that thing for a living he doesn't quite understand.
But her old title sounds important. Does it involve the mafia?
Well, you're doing everything you can by the looks of it.
I won't tell him about how I'm looking for work in the sex industry.
He'll smile. I'll smile. It's all we can do.
Given the constraints of the workplace and human decency.You know.
And I'll go home again, enthused not so much, but at least safe in the knowledge that I'm not alone.
The Department of Labor office is rocking.
Especially on a Monday.


  1. You're in good company. Unnamed Partner has to do the re-file dance today as well. Hang in there, friend.

  2. Hope it's a good week for you...the excel spreadsheet should be a source of pride, though (so productive!).

  3. Good luck, baby. I still like the phone sex idea. But freelance writing is good too. I just got some PR contract work because of a volunteering gig I did. Not much but something. PS love the Before I die wall. Thanks for sharing that.

  4. Man, I really wish you luck, Lisa. HWMNBMOTI is doing home healthcare, but then he has nursing aspirations, so it is at least relevant in the pittance it pays.

    And that fail IS so bad it's good again. (you writing that book, sister? Because you, too can inspire through hardship--and with humor, which is like that spoonfull of sugar, eh?)

  5. Hang in there sounds so lame, so trite, so cliched, so I'll try this instead:

    I have run a marathon where all I could do was focus on the spot eight feet ahead of me, eyes on the ground, chin straight ahead. I had enough Advil in me to painkill a horse, and still had a stabbing sensation running down the back of my leg. I slowed to a walk (slipped disc, shmipped disc), and finished behind the women who stopped to BREASTFEED her baby she was pushing in a stroller TWICE.
    Eyes forward. Eight feet in the distance, neither too close nor too far. Keep going because you can, because great things are out there, because you have no other choice. Every day you become stronger for it. Love.

  6. You are Kathleen Turner in Body Heat. You know this, right? I SO see you making a killing in the sex industry. Phone only, of course.

  7. Keep that spaghetti analogy going. Something is bound to stick.

  8. I recall when our kids were younger and something or other, negative of course, befell one of them. Their typical come back was, "That's not fair!"

    I always answered, "Fair? Nothing is fair!"

    What you're experiencing is not fair ... but what is? Somehow, as a society, we've created and maintained a type of meanness totally rigged and to the disadvantage of regular, common people.

    Keep looking for that back door, that side street, that hole in the wall all of which are not seen by the long, long unemployment lines.

  9. You should think about working for the Mafia. Sure, starting at the bottom means the pay ain't that great and the clothes are probably tacky, but man, getting to pop a few caps, nice vent for the rage, no?

  10. OK, this is SOOOOOO not true:
    "The Excel spreadsheet of shame, a life's work itself these days. A map of failures to make a great first impression."
    You are talented, smart, beautiful, caring and creative! It's the system that sucks and is not making a good impression... My fingers are always crossed for you!

  11. I actually did give in and apply for the home health aid jobs and I never got a single response back...then again, they didn't offer benefits even though the ppositions were paid by the benefits of the person being cared for...Bill's kids were right. It isn't fair.

  12. You are in good company. GOD THE LINE today at Fare For All - I had never been when it first opened in the morning. WOW. So crazy that this lady whopped her cart into Boo Boo's head and didn't even NOTICE. I mean you just BONKED a five year old with your cart lady???!!!!

  13. The Younger Daughter did the home health aide gig out of desperation right out of college when things were looking bleak. She was supposedly going to be a homemaking aide, no personal care, just make sure the dishes are washed and the trash is taken out. First place they sent her after "training" she's told she's going to be helping some geezer take a shower. Oddly enough, that was also the last place they sent her. . .

    She did get a really nice tote bag out of the experience.

  14. A family member had a friend who had a friend who sold "used" women's shoes to men who wanted to buy used women's shoes. So the family member's friend was a guy who helped his chick friend break in shoes. The buyers didn't know and they were happy and I think they made some decent money. No one got hurt. That said, I have no f*cking clue how one breaks into that online biz.

  15. Well at least the Prez is talking about extending unemployment benefits. That's a hopeful rumble.
    If only I had a magic wand to make it all better.

  16. Continuing to send the best work vibes and opportunities your way.


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