Thursday, December 29, 2011

This is not a nap, this is a strategy session

A golden oldie

Before the year winds down and you become bleary eyed from reading all the year end lists, I want to make special mention of a team of individuals who help make this blog what it is.

I'd be nothing without my pussies.

The cats, who began their long run on my old blog PoliTits, were then dubbed The Pussies for Peace because they were extremely vocal advocates for ending the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. You may have missed their most recent press release in which they took great pleasure in recapping their presence in the vanguard of peace protests that would eventually lead to a change in public opinion and ultimately the end of the war in Iraq. It is an unparalleled triumph for them only dampened by the ongoing war in Afghanistan.

As they mentioned in the official statement, they maintained their staunch oppositional activities toward the violence and their advocacy for a more peaceful world. In recent months, they have shifted their activities to focus on the biggest threat to peace. Income inequality.

In between lying around the house licking themselves, throwing up hairballs, fighting over the catnip mouse and stalking the sunny spots on the carpet, they managed to sponsor several successful fundraisers to help feed and keep warm the Occupy movement.

As they grow older, they find that it's harder for them to get out to join the protests, preferring instead to occupy their food bowl and brainstorm ways to help from the foot of our bed.

To wit:  The staging of the First Annual Pussies for Peace and Income Equality A Christmas Carol. Tickets for all three shows plus matinees sold out in record time. Since I was busy wallowing in my own crapulence of depression and job searches, Sophie took over the directorial and production duties. I must hand it to her for helping the felines produce such a successful event because it truly was herding cats. The casting alone took an unprecedented two weeks. The cat who eventually won the role of Ebenezer Scrooge did a superb job even with the debacle in the second show. He proved once and for all that a long pause to sniff Bob Cratchett's butt in the coal scene would slow the show's pace requiring a speed through of the act with the Ghost of Christmas past.

The reviews were mostly positive.

The PfP&IE also produced a comedy spectacular along the lines of Saturday Night Live Sketches including the musical guests Cat Power, the Pussycat Dolls and Yussef Islam (formerly known as Cat Stevens).

The skit receiving the most laughs was a take-off of the Republican Presidential Candidate debates. With only five cats now in the fold, we had enough players to cover Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, Michele Bachmann, and Rick Perry. It all worked out in the end. By the time the show was staged, Herman Cain had dropped out of the race with his infamous Pokemon Movie quote and no one could be badgered into playing Rick Santorum anyway. These cats know the score. That whole gay sex leads to man on dog sex has put them off Santorum forever.

Other fundraisers are being planned. They include a pet treat bake sale, a bikini car wash, a Spring Fling, and the opening of a Zazzle shop with all proceeds going to support the work of the Occupy movement. (Less expenses such as cases of Fancy Feast, caviar, and several tons of litter.)

I'd be remiss if I didn't thank the Pussies for all their work and support. And for providing me with so many hours of companionship, forced or otherwise. (They know they love it when I talk in that high voice and kiss their cheeks.) The cleaning up of cat yak and the scooping of their leavings is a small price to pay for the good works they do on all our behalf.


  1. "Cat Yak" - awesome.

    I think your cats should run for President. Collectively. Their campaign slogan would be a sure-fire winner: "Pussy Whipping America In To Line!"

    They're smarter than all the Republican candidates combines as it is. Plus, there's a built-in constituency, all those cat-ladies, LOLCat readers, and closeted cat people.

  2. We don't have cats anymore. We have Cankles and a The Wombat. I'm not sure what happened exactly. Something about buying friskies in 20 lb bags, opening the top and walking away until Cankles and The Wombat crawl forth on their bellies from the dark bowels of said 20 lb EMPTY bag demanding another trip (on my part) to Walmart. Cankles and The Wombat appear to be going through 20 lbs of Friskies at about the same rate Simon the 200 lb St. Bernard is going through 44 lbs of Purina which means I hit Walmart every 10 days... and if I stopped to do the math. Um. No.

    Anyway. I don't have cats anymore. I have Cankles and The Wombat but I have PLENTY of cat yak for some reason.

  3. So, yeah, you mind passing along the number of your dealer?

    if, you bastard. Now I'm going to have that song in my head all day.

  4. You're hysterical. I wish more people would thank their pussies.

  5. Geoffrey's line cracks me up. Pussies for President!

  6. So fantastic. A Happy New Year to you and your pussies!

  7. All 4 of them eating at once reminds me of when I had 4 cats and they would eat at once.

    Hope 2012 brings some greatness to you and your family.

  8. As usual, the cats are far more interesting than the dogs. Don't get me wrong. I adore my doggies. But come on. The dogs are all about eat-chase-the-tennis-ball-eat-run-run-eat-take-a-3-hour-nap. Kind of like the Republicans in Iowa this week. If I have to watch Mitt Romney talk for 4 years, I'll take a 4 year nap, I swear.

    Here's to your kitties...

  9. May the Pussies For Peace gain supremacy in the year ahead. I'd vote for them if I hadn't moved to Canada.


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