Monday, January 23, 2012

You make me wanna get up and scream

The vixen nudges the kits to the back of the den. The three survivors yip and jostle for the best spot. From her spot near the mouth of the burrow, she opens her jaws and snaps them shut quickly. The kits quiet and tuck their pointed noses into folds of downy fox fur, ears twitching. The smallest one yawns then closes his eyes.

With a last glance over her shoulder at the sleeping pups, the vixen scrambles out of the hole into the mossy damp of the late May evening. The air tastes of the fresh earth of the plowed field and the honeysuckle climbing over the fence. The vixen skims under the fence on her trek into the woods where she's had luck lately catching mice.

Beyond the great rotting body of the ancient white oak, the grass moves. The vixen freezes, her eyes keen, her ears trained forward until she picks up the telltale sounds of rustling. Faster than the human eye can process it, her muscles contract pulling her close to the ground and she launches high into the air.

Once in the air, she sees her target. A small snake. Too late to halt her landing, the vixen sees the glint of metal reflecting the glowering red of sunset. The snap is quick and fierce, the teeth grind into her hind leg.


"Are you ready?" The young woman smiles. Wearing a lavender uniform, she stands next to the tray.

Sinopa nods. The tip of her tongue traces her lips and she tastes the Chanel Kensington she applied before she left the office. He crosses her mind. What was it he'd said about that shade of lip color? Oh, yes.

She blushes.

The young woman steps closer to the table as she tugs on a pair of latex gloves and Sinopa settles back onto the futon-like chaise. She notes the young woman's name in a clean, simple font on the white name tag. Diana.

Diana moves the sheet covering Sinopa's lower body. "This is maintenance?" She asks.

Sinopa lets her eyes rest on the smooth eggshell wall and concentrates on her breathing. "Yes. And one of those - oh, what are they called?"

Diana cranes her slender neck to look at the form the receptionist handed her in the lobby. "Ah, yes. The Foxy Bikini. Have you chosen a color?" She lifts the lid off a jar and begins stirring the contents with a wooden tongue depressor.

"I'm hoping to get something that will match my lip color." Sinopa props herself up on her elbows.

Diana pauses mid-stir and furrows her brow. The two women regard each other in confusion until Sinopa lets out a sharp laugh.

"I mean my lipstick!"

Diana exhales. Her breath smells of the cinnamon gum she has tucked between her cheek and teeth. "Oh my god, I thought - " she places the jar on the tray suppressing her embarrassed laughter. "I'm sure we can find something close to that." She moves to the end of the bed. "Okay, please pull your knees to your chest."

Sinopa concentrates once again on her breathing as Diana silently spreads the wax. She bites her lip and winces as Diana pulls the strip of fabric away from her body. She closes her eyes and breathes deeply, thinks of him. He raved about the Swarovski jewels. He's going to love the Foxy Bikini.

"Are they really made of fur?" she asks spying a chip in her French manicure that's wrapped around her knee.

Diana's gloved fingers pull her open so she can a closer look at her work. "Mmmmhmmmm. Fox fur."



  1. Speechless...this is so telling about our society.

  2. Girl, you just made me choke
    I LOVE it

  3. Thanks, Mauigirl, we are a strange species.
    Thanks PENolan. And thank you for sharing this on Facebook.

  4. Until I read the "inspiration", I had no idea. Except for wincing.

  5. saw something on this about a year ago..then it was just jewels i think...this is a slight bit scary...

  6. It's widely accepted that the fall of Rome was due more to internal degeneration of its moral standards than to the strength of its enemies. A hedonistic, self-indulgent society is bound to fail. If it happens fast at least we'll be able to get on with something else.

    Nicely done.

  7. It's widely accepted that the fall of Rome was due more to internal degeneration of its moral standards than to the strength of its enemies. A hedonistic, self-indulgent society is bound to fail. If it happens fast at least we'll be able to get on with something else.

    Nicely done.

  8. gives a whole new meaning to "foxy lady"

  9. I am equally intrigued and horrified. Well done.

  10. and i thought there was no way you could top that nicki minaj cat photo! nicely done. seriously, i now want to read where sinopa goes next.

  11. inspiration: But a fancy hoo-ha don't come cheap -- starting price for the Carnivale is $195 and the Foxy is $30 extra.

    and here i thought we were in a recession!

  12. Removal has to be a bitch, no?

  13. So glad my man prefers natural.

  14. The Nicki Minaj Cat cracked me up. But this has to be the greatest waxing story ever told, Lisa!

  15. The lip color line cracked me up. You are one sick fox, Lisa.

  16. A strange thing to do to one's body, but I don't see it as any more hedonistic or consumerist than spending $45,000 on an ostrich-skin Hermes Birkin bag, just a whole lot cheaper -- and for sure not as visible a flaunting of too much money, not enough brains.

    I do wonder what happens to the feathers when a person decides to bathe -- they'd be a tad bedraggled looking after a shower.

  17. I have a friend who for a very short period of time worked in the very busy office of an Upper East Side gynecologist who specialized in "refreshening" the vagina and labial reductions for women of rich men who were trying anything to stay married to their monied sociopath. My friend said that the labial reductions were particularly prone to infection. Think about that.
    This is spot on.

  18. ah, labiaplasty, I think that's what it's called. First ran into that concept blog surfing about four years back. I'm still scarred.

    Lisa - Keeeerist on a Bike! Yowzers, that was most excellently disturbing.


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