Friday, March 1, 2013

Some people don't dance if they don't know who's singing

Signatures of Joan Collins, Fidel Castro, Picasso, Alfred Hitchcock, Roger Whittaker, Elvis Priesly,

When I used to work from home, was unemployed, lived in my little enclosed world, I was skeptical of the way the workplace was portrayed on television sitcoms.

Maybe I'd been working in tiny offices for too long. I mean, my last paying gig had its moments. Like the time I did a little breaking and entering for my boss. Or the time we had the tutorial on using Urban Dictionary to look up phrases to describe questionable sex acts. Yes, I'm judging.

Now that I'm working in a larger office with a cast of characters (several who will require pseudonyms at some point), I'm less skeptical.

Some of the pseudonyms are easy. For example, there's The Bossfriend and Monique. I work most closely with them. The Prankster shows up occasionally with his airhorn and duct tape. We have The Kid, Maxine, and Mr. Wholesome. We have the Former Mayor of Portland.

One of the characters, however, needs a name desperately and he seems to defy categorization. Recently, he had each of us sign a sheet of paper

I asked why.

"Can't I just get a little blind faith. Just this once?"

I signed. I hate to see a grown man cry.

Turns out he wanted to analyze our personalities using our penmanship. According to him, I'm creative, start strong, but have trouble finishing what I've started.

I swear, I haven't talked about my writing or lack thereof at the office at all, so maybe there's something to this signature analysis business.

Of course, according to him, we also have several staff with anger issues, short attention spans, too much work, too little work, trouble with the drink and one who would, in another life, be your sixth grade teacher. Such beautiful penmanship. A lost art really.

I couldn't deny how hurried and sloppy my signature is so I spent my lunch hour practicing new techniques like a girl in love doodling her boyfriend's name on her notebook. Well, that was a waste of a lunch hour. I didn't even come close to developing a signature signature. It still looks like

Lisa Gol(Ican'tbebotheredtowritetherestoftheletters).


People on Twitter and Facebook were oohing and ahhing over Shirley Bassey's performance during The Oscars on Sunday night. I had no idea who she was until someone tweeted that she was singing Goldfinger and then I remembered that voice. That voice.

So this got my attention this morning. It's rough and delicious and so very relevant. Micro and macro.


Is history repeating itself?

What does your signature say about you?


  1. That's Dame Shirley Bassey!

    God, that voice. You could not mistake that voice for anyone else's.

  2. Why he's The Mentalist, of course!

    1. Haha.

      That guy is so smug, he makes me laugh.

      So I kinda like that show.

  3. I adore Shirley Bassey---I would do almost anything to have her voice . . .

    . . . Except repeat high school. That's a bit of history I hope is over and done.

    (my signature probably says I'm twelve and using the wrong hand to write)

  4. My signature says that I'm 'far too left handed for my own good'. I pretty much write upside down...and I have arthritis. AWESOME.

    I name all of my co-workers, but not all of them know their names. I work with Travelocity, Sonic, Q-pie Doll, Mouth, Darlin', The Young Un' and Goat Boy - to name a few.

    I am a little sad that The Dumplin' is no longer employed there; he was a joy of a coworker. (He was a tattoo covered surfer...who was usually high.) Sugar Britches is in jail, right where he belongs.

  5. If history's repeating itself please wake me when flappers, speakeasies, and big band swing comes back around.

    My handwriting says I've spent too much time on a keyboard.

  6. GOALD-FINGAH WOO WOO! I love that shit, and the flick's good, too. I know zip about chirography, but I'm guessing my handwriting says I'm a lazy, moody bastard.

  7. I signed my name over and over for something for work a few years ago, and I made myself dizzy on my own name. Now, the signature we ended up using disappoints me. It looks like it's trying too hard. Story of my life.

  8. I don't like that signature deal....but, probably harmless. ;)

  9. I had my handwriting analyzed once at a tea shop, and in retrospect, WHY didn't we read our leaves as well?! The analyst said I'm confident and think fast or some such. I think they have to say that if you have legible handwriting.

  10. I work or worked (previously) w the following:

    • Mr Roboto... He's all business @ a social services job. Pffffft

    • Seriously?... She's been around for decades, has some attitude. Calls off sick on a slammed busy day, but later @ 3 shows up in the office w a barking dog & sticks around for 1/2 hour. (thus Seriously???)

    • Our Lady of Perpetual Meetings... She's a manager & stuck in endless meetings fer evah!

    • sHELLy- A manger soo bad she literally has the word HELL in her name.
    If the Sheriff's office says only drive if it is an emergency & you must.. demands workers risk their lives & come to work. (gave her the middle finger salute & called in sick. Not driving on ice for you babe).

    • Mismanager- No shit- she brought her kids to the site to respond to a *bomb threat*.
    Hey kids! Want a real adventure tonight???

    • The Royals- Whomever they are-- the ones who use the tissue toilet seat sanitary covers, then fricking leave them there on the seat for someone else to deal with. Must be frickin' royalty.

    As for handwriting- I spent my childhood with a smear of ink all along the pinky side of my hand...Southpaw. They tell me my handwriting looks like calligraphy... or they can't read it!
    Art or chicken scratch- you decide!

  11. I had my handwriting analyses once but it was a genrci kind of reading. Much about the fact I write pretty much up and down...

    When I leave my current job (I hope soon) I will blog about my current boss. He doesn't know about the blog, but I take no chances...

  12. Oh man, that Bassey style. Thanks for sharing the clip. I want to come back in my next life and be her.

    As far as my handwriting/signature, just that I'm careless and have poor fine motor skills.

  13. I remember trying out new signatures over and over until I got one I liked when I was in school. God, I loved that lined paper we used when taught how to write. These days, they don't even teach children handwriting in school. It's so sad. I'm not sure I'd want my boss analyzing mine though. Hmmm... maybe the schools are onto something.

  14. I have had my handwriting analyzed and found it shockingly accurate. Aloof, "cool brained" (not sure what that is, but I like it) and unemotional.

    Or as my partner calls it: Vulcan.


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