Sloooooow Saturday

If I were moving any slower, I'd be going backward.
I have now discovered that I can make at least fifty-eight different sounds when I yawn.
I do believe that candle burning at both ends just flamed out with a fingersnap and a whoosh!
The fact that the skies over Georgia are a hazy, taupey, gauzy melange of cloud and more cloud isn't helping.
Fifty-nine. That last yawn was in the key of C, I believe.
The Actor, Garbo and I discussed some pretty edgy plans for filling up our day since MathMan and The Dancer are on their way back from the Land of Hoosiers and Other Delights. We were going to go shop for a dress for Garbo and a pair of much-needed shoes for The Actor, make a trip to the library, the dump, Target and maybe the grocery store.
We are all so meh.
The trip has been whittled down to me going alone to the library to drop off dvds, pick up a couple of new ones and then stopping for an order of Mongolian Beef we'll split three ways.
This life rocks out loud. Oh, yes it does.
Sixty. Same key, but that yawn came in two notes. Aaaah. Ah.
There should be a blog rule that when lack of sleep reduces one to writing posts about yawns (which has become a bit of a running gag - paging Jack Benny, Oh, Mr. Benny!) and about how the gray skies have put a damper on errand running - well, I guess the rule should suggest strongly that one reconsider posting at all. Or maybe strolling over to YouTube to look for a video of the Jackass morons on yet another spin-off show called Wild Boyz, approaching a wild black rhino for the express purpose of giving it a massage. That would be good for a laugh.
And I guess that is what I like about blog rules. They are fluid. They aren't hard and fast and rigid. Open to interpretation, they suggest, support, guide and direct. They never order.
Like the rule that says I should link to the blog where I found this lovely and rib-tickling quote today.

nearly everything improves for being encased in pastry

The blog rule says I shouldn't be a prickish, selfish ass and hoard her to myself. I should link to her so you can go see for yourself just how funny Jawyalker of Belgian Waffle is. So there. I did what the rule says I should do. This time.

And while I'm at it, I'd like to suggest that you check out the bloggers in my sidebar. What a far ranging set of people are there now. Old friends, why not check out the new finds and X-Chromosome bloggers? New friends, check out the people I know, the people I feel like I know and the blogs I read a couple of days a week because if I read them all everyday, my ass would have fused to my black swivel chair by now. Imagine the mutant creature that would spawn from a mingling of my DNA and that of the cheap Office Depot Managers Chair I occupy much too frequently. It's not a pretty sight at all.

And dang it, while I'm thinking about it, I bet I need to clean up my blogrolls as I've collected more rss feeds. I'm sure some of those feeds need to be added. I'm like an old lady at a buffet. I grab rss feeds like they're yeast rolls and I jam them in my big old pocketbook of a Google Reader. And I forget that last step of redoing my feed/blogroll thing. Dang, dang, dang. So much to remember.

I need a secretary for the blog. A nanny for The Spawn, a cook, a chauffeur, a personal trainer, a masseuse, a laundress, an upstairs maid, a pussy groomer, a gardner and someone to finance all of it. Note: I don't require a downstairs maid. Don't want to appear too greedy and helpless.

Oh, hang on. I just realized that I was sleeping in front of my monitor with my eyes open again. My fingers are so well trained on the QWERTY that they can tap out whatever nonsense is passing through my head in the form of dreams.

Anyway, I suggest you check out some of these folks. There's Anita at A Wife, a woman, a mom - Hi, Anita! I hope you're having a great weekend!; Braja at LOST and FOUND in india,whom I plan to hang out with in India, even if I have to prostitute myself as a hausfrau to the messiest people in town or as a sex kitten to the oldest man east of the Mississippi; Miss Healthypants - who was one of MathMan's blogpals long before I had to stick my pointy nose in and see what all the laughing was about.

Okay. The Actor just stopped by my desk/napping cubby to tell me that I'm missing a Wild Boyz marathon. And I still have to haul my carcass to the library. And that Mongolian Beef that we were going to split? I suspect it will have its cousin fried (hey, look! the male bluebird is sitting on top of the birdhouse!) rice with it now that we've all gotten that much more hungry and I'm even less inclined to cook.........

Sixty-one. That yawn almost made me wet my pants, it was so powerful.

See you when I wake up!

(And the real horror is that it took me nearly an hour to write this nonsense. Good thing I don't put my inefficiencies to work for good instead of evil.....)

A Break in the Clouds

It may be a gray day. There may be some kind of wet stuff falling from the sky. I might even be stuck at home because my car won't start. There's precious little food in the house (I've got Kraft Dinner oozing from the pores that aren't clogged with peanut butter and jelly) and we don't have any batteries for the remote.

But!

The electricity is still on. I don't have to shovel rain. We are NOT out of vodka. I'm capable of walking to the television to change the channels. My feet aren't cold. The Dancer drove the other spawn to school so I'm alone. Our plumbing still works. I have a tube of Chapstick next to me. I am not required to attend any extracurricular activities tonight. I'm still losing weight. The coffee was excellent today. I was able to pull out some dvds that I hadn't watched since last spring and watching them didn't stir up things like anger flashbacks or a desire to fire off a hate email to my Dementor. I've only had to clean up one pile of cat yak today. Every time someone on MSNBC says "Stimulus Package," I take a shot of vodka and the punditocracy is all about stimulating packages today. And then there's this - more fun things from blogpals!

I'm telling you, if I can get our printer to work (it is apparently in cahoots with the idiot car today), those nifty things from Summer will keep me busy for hours. Now I need a Miss Lemon so I can pretend they are having paperdoll, um, ...... tea.

Photo above swiped from the Belgian Waffle.

Sunday Wander

This morning the only sounds disturbing the quiet of the house are the sounds of me tap-tap-tapping away at this keyboard and the background noise of the movie Only Angels Have Wings . The Pussies for Peace have been fed and at least one of them has likely already hurled its food onto someone's shoe.

Our five minutes of snow last night has now turned to a gentle drizzle. Gloom prevails. When I sent out this morning to feed the outside cat Pyewacket, I noticed an English feel to the air. The finches and sparrows are already squabbling on the feeders. A couple of crows are surveying the ground around the plates of birdseed near the cedar tree.

As I made myself some coffee and a bit of breakfast, I moved quietly around the kitchen. The Actor and two friends are still sleeping in the living room. We were all up really late. They were watching inappropriate movies, killing things electronically and playing a late-night game of hide and seek. Three thirteen year old boys is like a house full of puppies. The longer they sleep, the better.

I took my coffee and went back to bed to nibble some toast with apple butter and flip through the channels. I tried to get my political motor revved by turning on C-SPAN, but they were running an advertisement for a video contest. In my Sunday morning state of mind, I have an abbreviated attention span, so I switched to MSNBC to see that Morning Joe is running a special Hate on the Incoming President edition. No thanks. So Cary Grant it is. With a special nod to runner up Colin Firth who is starring in Girl with A Pearl Earring on IFC. It's Cary Grant's birthday, so of course, I'm going to choose him. Who am I kidding? I would always choose Cary Grant.

It's going to be that kind of day. I may hang out in my room with the computer and the best television in the house all day. The weather is certainly cooperating with that idea. I ran all my errands yesterday and there's food in the house. I might have to cook at some point. The Spawn aren't always satisfied with my half-hearted response of "there's the kitchen, find something" nor can I ply them with pancakes for three meals a day, everyday. I suppose the litter box needs to be scooped, but that can and will be delegated. The couple of loads of laundry that I need to do will easily fit into the breaks from the computer that I should take at some point. If I don't walk away every four hours or so, my fingers start to fuse with the keyboard and I can feel myself getting sucked through the air intake fan, along with gobs of cat hair and dust.

So I will force myself to move about some so that I don't completely atrophy. I don't do it willingly, though.

Yesterday, I noticed, nothing motivates me more to clean a bathroom than knowing that someone else's children will be using it. My own can use a bathroom of their own filthy, careless making, but heaven forbid someone else's child see toothpaste smeared on the sink, a muck flecked mirror, and that hair, dust and pee-splash mosaic at the base of the toilet. So that's done.

So the day stretches out before me with no have to activities written in Sharpie marker on my forearm. Some practice on Rock Band after those other kids leave, I think. I want to perfect my guitar skills. Okay, perfect my be too strong a word. I want to improve. First, I need to ask The Actor to show me again, how to turn the machine on and make the game play.

I love these kinds of days and I'm going to remind The Spawn now how I inted for it to go - obligation free, light of argument and with as few threats of karate chops as possible. MathMan is having fun and working his butt off in chilly Washington, D.C. As that trip unfolds, it's getting more intriguing. They are really getting to do some very cool things. For updates, you can follow him on Twitter. He's tweeting the trip.


Oh, and about Cupcake. She and I had a swell time alone yesterday. We shopped for shoes, went to the library and stocked up on groceries and junk food for the long weekend (good thing since we ended up with a case of The Boys). She survived her time with me and I didn't lose my temper with her. I asked her about school and it really does come down to the fact that, much like her mother, she hates being obliged to be somewhere everyday. She likes to wake up each morning and just let the wind take her. I laughed when we discussed this and thought about myself as a college student. I'd wake up every morning and decide if I was going to class or not. No wonder I never reached that much-rumored potential, thus disappointing my mother, The Big R.

Speaking of The Big R., I talked to her on the phone last night and mentioned the drama surrounding Cupcake's dislike of going to school. She reminded me that I went through something similar in the second grade. I didn't want to leave my much-loved teacher at the end of the year so I started feeling sick all the time. I'd remembered that I'd gone through something like that and I was grateful to The Big R for filling in the details. Maybe I can use that to help Cupcake sort out her own feelings about what's going on and get her back on track.

So now I've wandered all over this house and said very little with too many words. If you're still with me, thank you for spending a bit of your Sunday with me. I guess it's time for a little more coffee. I'd better check to see what The Spawn and friends are getting up to, as well. I can hear some movement of creatures larger than cats around the house........