Saturday, February 28, 2009

Sloooooow Saturday

If I were moving any slower, I'd be going backward.
I have now discovered that I can make at least fifty-eight different sounds when I yawn.
I do believe that candle burning at both ends just flamed out with a fingersnap and a whoosh!
The fact that the skies over Georgia are a hazy, taupey, gauzy melange of cloud and more cloud isn't helping.
Fifty-nine. That last yawn was in the key of C, I believe.
The Actor, Garbo and I discussed some pretty edgy plans for filling up our day since MathMan and The Dancer are on their way back from the Land of Hoosiers and Other Delights. We were going to go shop for a dress for Garbo and a pair of much-needed shoes for The Actor, make a trip to the library, the dump, Target and maybe the grocery store.
We are all so meh.
The trip has been whittled down to me going alone to the library to drop off dvds, pick up a couple of new ones and then stopping for an order of Mongolian Beef we'll split three ways.
This life rocks out loud. Oh, yes it does.
Sixty. Same key, but that yawn came in two notes. Aaaah. Ah.
There should be a blog rule that when lack of sleep reduces one to writing posts about yawns (which has become a bit of a running gag - paging Jack Benny, Oh, Mr. Benny!) and about how the gray skies have put a damper on errand running - well, I guess the rule should suggest strongly that one reconsider posting at all. Or maybe strolling over to YouTube to look for a video of the Jackass morons on yet another spin-off show called Wild Boyz, approaching a wild black rhino for the express purpose of giving it a massage. That would be good for a laugh.
And I guess that is what I like about blog rules. They are fluid. They aren't hard and fast and rigid. Open to interpretation, they suggest, support, guide and direct. They never order.
Like the rule that says I should link to the blog where I found this lovely and rib-tickling quote today.
nearly everything improves for being encased in pastry
The blog rule says I shouldn't be a prickish, selfish ass and hoard her to myself. I should link to her so you can go see for yourself just how funny Jawyalker of Belgian Waffle is. So there. I did what the rule says I should do. This time.

And while I'm at it, I'd like to suggest that you check out the bloggers in my sidebar. What a far ranging set of people are there now. Old friends, why not check out the new finds and X-Chromosome bloggers? New friends, check out the people I know, the people I feel like I know and the blogs I read a couple of days a week because if I read them all everyday, my ass would have fused to my black swivel chair by now. Imagine the mutant creature that would spawn from a mingling of my DNA and that of the cheap Office Depot Managers Chair I occupy much too frequently. It's not a pretty sight at all.

And dang it, while I'm thinking about it, I bet I need to clean up my blogrolls as I've collected more rss feeds. I'm sure some of those feeds need to be added. I'm like an old lady at a buffet. I grab rss feeds like they're yeast rolls and I jam them in my big old pocketbook of a Google Reader. And I forget that last step of redoing my feed/blogroll thing. Dang, dang, dang. So much to remember.

I need a secretary for the blog. A nanny for The Spawn, a cook, a chauffeur, a personal trainer, a masseuse, a laundress, an upstairs maid, a pussy groomer, a gardner and someone to finance all of it. Note: I don't require a downstairs maid. Don't want to appear too greedy and helpless.

Oh, hang on. I just realized that I was sleeping in front of my monitor with my eyes open again. My fingers are so well trained on the QWERTY that they can tap out whatever nonsense is passing through my head in the form of dreams.

Anyway, I suggest you check out some of these folks. There's Anita at A Wife, a woman, a mom - Hi, Anita! I hope you're having a great weekend!; Braja at LOST and FOUND in india,whom I plan to hang out with in India, even if I have to prostitute myself as a hausfrau to the messiest people in town or as a sex kitten to the oldest man east of the Mississippi; Miss Healthypants - who was one of MathMan's blogpals long before I had to stick my pointy nose in and see what all the laughing was about.

Okay. The Actor just stopped by my desk/napping cubby to tell me that I'm missing a Wild Boyz marathon. And I still have to haul my carcass to the library. And that Mongolian Beef that we were going to split? I suspect it will have its cousin fried (hey, look! the male bluebird is sitting on top of the birdhouse!) rice with it now that we've all gotten that much more hungry and I'm even less inclined to cook.........

Sixty-one. That yawn almost made me wet my pants, it was so powerful.

See you when I wake up!

(And the real horror is that it took me nearly an hour to write this nonsense. Good thing I don't put my inefficiencies to work for good instead of evil.....)


  1. Lisa, as always, even in your lazy, yawn day, you amaze me and make me laugh.

    I love perusing your blog roll, I find great diversity which I love!

    We are going to real town, Orlando, to shop in a bit, for some dresses for NHS induction, the son wants to spend part of his birthday money, we are splitting a pair of over priced Nike Shox, he needs shoes, but I'm not paying for those.

    Kevin washed my car, and I made pancakes for breakfast, I then went thru my entire closet which I have deemed full of shit!!! I have nothing to wear.

    We are also taking one laptop to the geek squad because one of my lovely daughters has done something to it......only a geek will be able to figure this one out....ugh!

    Enjoy the library trip at least!

  2. Dude, sleep. Take it from me - not an overrated activity, definitely helps when your list of to-dos gets long & wacky...And it helps eradicate those powerful yawns.


  3. I'm sorry I poked fun at your poor eyesight, especially in light of me reading this

    We are all so meh


    We are all so meth

    You should check with your boss and see if the company will hire someone to do your work while you surf the tubes.

    Job creation!

  4. Even with the yawns it is fun. We have gotten about 5 inches of snow so I am going nowhere... guess it is headed your way..or at least towards Georgia somewhere.. have

  5. What was up with the Wild Boyz? Why did they have to do everything while wearing jockstraps? My theory was that deep down, they were so afraid to admit to being gay for each other that they let crocodiles chomp on their nipples instead. Good television, though.

  6. Your post really hits a perfect note of lassitude. I've had the sense of moving through packed cotton the past day or so, physically and in thought.

    Unlike you, I have not been able to turn my torpor into an entertaining blog post.

  7. I'm keeping up with you on yawn patrol. It's that kind of day. I'm too pooped to read anywhere but bed. Now I really regret not getting a laptop instead of my big Imac. Damn that was dumb. I was thinking having to walk across the room and sit in a chair was a good idea. Yeah, sure it was. See you when I wake from my four hour nap.

  8. With some people, stream-of-consciousness works. You are definitely one of those people!

    I loved the metaphor (well, technically a simile) of the old lady with the pocketbook.

    I'm so tired, too . . . but reading blogs is so relaxing. I'm trying to tune out the sound of 8 teenagers shrieking downstairs.

  9. I sat down with the laptop for 15 minutes an hour and a half ago. I just woke up to find myself here. Happy yawning company.

  10. (yawn)

    Your indolence is matched only by mine.

    'k, that's all I can mash out.



  11. (yawn)

    Your indolence is matched only by mine.

    'k, that's all I can mash out.



  12. You're making me yawn. I think it's a good thing, though...

  13. Aww, thanks for the shout-out! :)

    I am so glad I started reading your blog--you crack my ass up!! :)

  14. Lisa, I have missed you and your blog so much! It's nice to be reading you again. You sound, well, exhausted. Your rant was delish.

    Be well, diva.

  15. Some days are like having Vaseline on your camera lens.

    Try running errands in single digit temps over uneven ice. Treacherous.

  16. Wow, that's quite some serious committment thing you got goin' there, i'm impressed...your dedication is truly remarkable.

    Do it. Or else.

  17. Re: slowness, a couple of lines I use are; I'm going so slow I would have to speed up to stop and I have three speeds, slow, slower and stop.

    For someone yawning and going slow, you manage to crank out a lot on your blog.

  18. I know seeing peole yawn makes you yawn I didn't realising reading the word yawn did too LOL

    Hope you are having a good Sunday

  19. You read good blogs. If I am feeling unfunny and blocked about what to write I love to visit Jaywalker and be reminded that I am unfunny and should eat more fiber. She is a hoot.
    I want to go to Indiapalooza too. Maybe we can car pool?;-)

  20. You sound so much like Kate Conner--but without the demon hunting. (Yeah, I've been reading those, they're fun.)

  21. Well, ya gotta go stream of consciousness sometimes. :)

  22. Nice flow... like a meandering British stream - tumbling over rocks, winding through meadows (with big-eyed cows), rambling through a nice forest and eventually... winding and trickling some more.


  23. Sleep...get more sleep. Earplugs help me. However, I love your dreams and yawns, just not the "wet the bed" ones.

  24. Thank you lovely. You are a sweetheart, if a sleepy one. I am also doing the yawn karma sutra today. After 'catching moths' I have moved onto 'dribble on own shoulder'.


And then you say....

(Comments submitted four or more days after a post is published won't appear immediately. They go into comment moderation to cut down on spam.)