Please Leave a Message at the Tone

Hi, this is Lisa. I'm not here right now. Can you guess which item might be keeping me from blogging? I am:

(1) Standing on a kitchen chair, clutching a couple of spice jars in my sweaty hands, screaming at the top of my lungs that I hate, hate, hate, unpacking the kitchen stuff.

(2) Lolling about in the Love Tub, drinking champagne from some decorative glass something or other I haven't found home for yet and wearing a beard made of bubbles.

(3) Hiding in an undisclosed location (read: bathroom), sending SOS text messages on my Twitter and Facebook, hoping to rescued from the mess of moving.

(4) Crying big, fat tears because I miss having time to be online, reading and commenting and being a pesty pest.

Anyway, there is still stuff to unpack, porn to hide, goblets to break, the dungeon to set up, Spawn to ignore, and MathMan to annoy. I better get going....

There will be pictures, and possibly video later of the progress we're making or not making. Either way, you'll be riveted by the horror of it all, I assure you.

Speaking of horror - please remember to Vote for Nora in the Fangoria Spooksmodel contest. She's in the finals! Let's help her win! Read Bubs' instructions here and follow his link. This time voting requires a quick email confirmation so the vote registers. Bubs explains it.

That is all. For now.

I Couldn't Remember the Name of the Show with Winnie Cooper

So I called MathMan from my sick bed. He was at his desk in the other room. I called him on the phone.

And thankfully, he had the answer because it would have driven my crazy if I didn't know, but I was too lazy and distracted to google it.

I don't know, but I ended up watching VH1's I Love the New Millennium. Because the history that just happened in 2005 has to be relived right now, that's why.

The following conversations were prompted by having this program on.....

Garbo: I think there should be a television show called "I Love (Garbo's real name)."
Me: No self esteem problems there.
MathMan: Are you kidding me? She's all self-esteem. There's nothing else there.
Garbo: What?!?!
MathMan: All that crying you were doing - you don't care who sees you cry.
Garbo: You're right. I don't.

Me: I'm taking steroids.
The Actor: What? Why?
Me: I'm taking parenting steroids. That's what makes me a great mom.
The Actor: That's what makes you so good at sitting around in bed.
Me: It's been nice knowing you. Enjoy the workhouse, yo.

Garbo: I want to be a vampire.
Me: Me, too.
Garbo: You can't be a vampire. You're a mom.
Me: That's true - only kids are blood suckers.
Garbo: I think my fangs are growing in.

MathMan: Actor, please stop growling like that.
The Actor: How do you want me to growl?
MathMan: I don't want you to growl? I want mom to growl.
Me: Rowrowrowrowrowrowr
The Actor: Gross, people. Just gross.

The Actor: Why wouldn't dad buy me a hotdog?
Me: Because he bought you a hamburger.
The Actor: Yeah, but I wanted a Big Mac and a hot dog.
Me: Nope. You got McDonalds. That's all.
The Actor (who can talk a blue streak): Actually I wanted a Big Mac and a cheeseburger with pickles. Then I saw a commercial for Taco Bell. But dad should have gotten me a hot dog, too........now I have the eater's remorse.
(This conversation was punctuated by lots of coughing. Nasty.)

And now we commence our time of silence.

Before I go - a favor, please. Click this link, scroll down and vote for Nora O'Sullivan. You know who Nora is? She's Bubs daughter. If you don't, my cold will get worse, I'll cough up my other lung and it's quite possible that Garbo might lose a tiny fraction of her self-esteem.

You wouldn't want that on your conscience, would you?

Quick Hits

The Actor walks into the kitchen, takes one look at the television and says "I should never have to see Tucker Carlson this early in the day."

I hope Citi flies their new plane over what will soon be the former Golden Manor so they can see how the weeds are growing up so nicely in the once glorious garden (bitter? you bet.)

I like silly.

Don't call him a pansy.

All work and no play does make Jack a dull boy.

Sometimes, things just can't be explained.

Jimmy Eat World. The Middle.

Coffey, Pee or Me

Music Maven and R.E.M.'s best fan Beth Coffey has tickled me with the random six things tag. Tags come with rules, you know, so I shall post them below and then proceed to break them. Beth knows this about me and still she took this huge risk. For dismissing the rules with such a cavalier attitude, I worry that when Beth and I do finally manage to get together for many drinks, karmic retribution will come to me in when I duck into the toilet, do my business and find, too late, that there is no toilet paper.

That doesn't scare me. I've had to drip dry before, but only when I've had to pee in some field or along the side of a road or in my roommate's bottom drawer during one highly intoxicated episode.......but enough about my bathroom habits.

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The Rules
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Six random things...
1. I'm convinced that The Actor, if he should ever follow his musical talents, should play bass and euphonium for a band called Oedipus Wrecks.

2. This morning, as we rode silently, listening to Akon na na na na, I realized that The Actor, Cupcake and I were all being uncharacteristically quiet and calm on our ride to school. "Raise your hand if you're glad it's Wednesday," I said. All three of us raised our hands. The Actor didn't even open his eyes to do it. "Raise your hand if you wish it were Friday," I added. All of our hands shot up in the air. Then we went back to sleepy silence.

3. I almost always sleep in the fetal position on my right side.

4. I would love to live in an old house, but I'm pretty spoiled by the conveniences of this newish house.

5. I was going to convert to Judaism, but the rabbi was difficult about it and wouldn't let me take the fifteen week crash course so I decided screw it. Yes, I was that committed to the religion.

6. When MathMan's mother died suddenly and unexpectedly exactly sixteen years ago tonight, I had to call him at work and tell him. That remains the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. MathMan - if I could have one magical power, it would be the ability to give you and our kids more time with your parents, who died entirely too young.

So there it is - my six things. Now I have to tag six people.

BAC at Yikes
Bubs at Sprawling Ramshackle Compound
TheMom at the Attentive Aphorist
Roger Bell at Many Things
Liberality
Kulkuri at Yooper in Crackerland

I know these tags and memes get run into the ground, but if you don't do it, I'm going to come pee in your bottom drawer, so I suggest you seriously consider following through. Thank you.

P.S. I just noticed that for the first time in a long time, I actually followed the rules of the meme. I wonder what my karmic reward will be? Maybe it's best not to wonder.....