Okay, y'all. I have a question for you - Do you see me as perky? Ever? Because I know that I'm not always perky, but do you see me as incapable of doing perky?
I ask because my boss J told me this morning that he doesn't think I can do perky. What!?!? After I helped him up from the floor and wiped his blood off my desk, I asked him if he'd never heard me on the phone with our members? Wasn't I perky then?
"Not perky, exactly," he said, edging away from me, keeping a close eye on the sharp letter opener in my right hand. I didn't realize that I was squeezing it as tightly as I was. My hand had gone nearly white with a lack of circulation.
"Well then, what would you call that?" I tried to keep my tone non-murderous. It was taking a lot of effort to keep the fury from playing across my face.
Taking his eyes off me for just a second to make sure his path to the door was clear, he smiled slowly, nervously. "Well, not annoying perky. Professional and upbeat would be the best way to describe it," his eyes flicked furtively to the letter opener.
I considered this for a moment. Okay. I guess upbeat is good. But still - never perky? Never? I looked again at my hand gripping the letter opener and sighed. "Okay. Hmmm. Maybe I don't do perky. But do I seem like a bitch?" I could hear the tinny sound of resignation in my own voice.
J saw his chance. "No, not a bitch!" he blurted out and raced to the door.
So I ask you? Really? Me? Never perky? Incapable of perky? Because if that's true, perhaps I will forgo the venting of my spleen that I feel coming on. I will hold in all the nasty thoughts I'd like to blurt out right here because I don't want anyone to think I'm a bitch or anything.....
Two thumbs up for me, and put that letter opener down.
ReplyDeletePerky is for young girls. Perky goes away after the first half dozen partners and a couple of kids. Perky is innocence and irresponsibility. Perky is Daddy's Little Girl.
ReplyDeleteI'll say no more, lest I become the unwitting recipient of that 8" kitchen knife clutched in your right hand. ;-)
I see a bit of pirky, with a dash of bitch and a certain je ne se quai that defies simple labels. I can do perky to bitchy in 2 seconds flat( as I have gotten older my reflexes have dimmed).
ReplyDeletePerky is what your boobs are before you have kids...
ReplyDeletenot so much "perky" as....hmm...what's the word...."Spunky!"
ReplyDeleteoh hey, my boobs are still perky and I've had a couple of kids.
ReplyDeletebut perky is a young attribute rather than smooth, professional, polished and upbeat. I think your boss saved face...
i think you can do and be perky or whatever hell else you want!
ReplyDelete(did I pass?)lol
Perky? I don't like perky. Perky is, I don't know...Bernadette Peters or Goldie Hawn when she was younger. Perky can be irritating. Upbeat, professional, those are good things!
ReplyDeleteSpunky on the other hand is a good trait, that might work. But not in a Mary Tyler Moore way.
I never have thought of you as perky. Perky reminds me of bimbos. And you are not a bimbo.
ReplyDeleteThere are of course perky body parts. Or am I thinking of pokey.
At least you are not morose.
"Spunky?" I hate spunky.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be a lot cheerier than I. If I were to have experienced what I've read of your saga, somebody would be in either the hospital or the morgue.
So I vote for "cheery with a fine garnish of sarcastic."
Definitely perky-capable! Please don't hurt me!
ReplyDeletemmmm, yeah, perky, that's like being called sweet. They're such unthreatening adjectives. Who wants to be unthreatening? Bitch is so much better.
ReplyDeleteWTF...perky? Tell `im you don't do "Perky" but "bitch" is possible as it isn't near as limiting.
ReplyDeleteWhat the fuck is "perky" anyway... Gidget?, Laura Petrie?, I dream of Jennie?......I have no compass
As a man I would never want to be called perky. Call me a dick, call me cocky, call me an ass just dont call me a sissie, now that would send me over the edge.
ReplyDeleteAlso has anyone ever used perky do describe a guy? I would say there really is no guy equivalent. Happy go lucky, chipper, none of those words have the same context for the male gender and I never thought about that.
Does that mean perky is sexist? Just asking.
You are way too cool to be "perky." That's kind of an annoying description for people who pretend to like everyone, then stab them behind the back. I imagine you more like Miss Lemon, competent and professional, bright, and maybe tart. But perky? Hmm, not so much.
ReplyDeleteI think he was giving you a compliment. That's how I read it.
ReplyDeleteJaysus woman, you act like the inability to be perky is a bad thang!!! I always wanna smack the perky ones!
ReplyDeleteI only come close to perky after much too much caffeine....and it ain't that close ;p
How about perked as in a cup of dark, intense, subtly sweetened coffee with enough caffeine to deliver a needed jolt?
ReplyDeleteTag, you're it :-)
Perky is for mindless drones; Bitch is for smart, stong women.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't have used perky as an adjective for you, no. But I like that: I'm far from perky and I sensed a kinship in your non-perkiness. If you can do perky, all power to you :)
ReplyDeletePerky, not something I think you really even want to be..j/k. I think of perky as a young attribute too, I liked professional and upbeat, positve. The bitch attribute, your damn right you can give it girl...it's part of being a great woman!
ReplyDeletePerky is dangerous because it's too close to "airhead."
ReplyDeleteI'd say you've got chutzpah. Upbeat, assertive, self-possessed.
Don't aspire to perky--you'll get shortchanged, I know.
Kirie (sometimes callled Perky and not quite loving it)
I'd take professional and upbeat over perky any day.
ReplyDeletePlease don't be perky because then we'll all have to vomit.
ReplyDeleteI'll second what Dr. Know and Randal wrote. Professionally upbeat... now that's much better.
ReplyDeleteProfessional and upbeat? What a quick save.
ReplyDeletePerky is one cup of coffee shy of the jitters.
I don't know if you can do "perky", but I know you can do quirky!!
ReplyDeletedarlink, you are the sweetest, perkiest bitchy super woman I know in land of blog.
ReplyDeleteSo...why would you want to be "irritating" ...oops... "boring"... oops... "perky?" I wouldn't be reading your blog if you were.
ReplyDeleteHmmm... maybe I need to be perkier. It might help me comment more.
Or, maybe not.
Perk is highly over rated.
ReplyDeleteWhat Randal said...
ReplyDelete8^)
PERKY??? Surely you jest, woman! Perky is Stepford Wife. Perky is too many uppers. Perky is brainless bimbo. There is no such thing as "...not annoying perky."
ReplyDeleteYOU are strong! You are invincible! You are WOMAN! "Professional and upbeat" is okay, as long as everyone knows that you can shake off that image like a wet jacket, when you leave the workplace.
P.S. I LOVE the illustration (Bitch? Moi?) you posted.
Embrace your inner anti-cheerleader.
ReplyDeleteEven morose is better than perky. Ick.
In bed, sure. Outside that, not a fucking chance.
ReplyDelete