Monday, February 2, 2009
Yes, That Was Me.....
Yes, that was me lying through my smile to a ten year old first thing this morning. Oh, yes, I was going to be going to the office later in the day so she could just shut up about her aching tummy and how she really needed to stay home.
Yes that was me, vacuuming, Windexing emptying, folding, sweeping, filling and wiping at 7:30 a.m. because I just couldn't muster the energy to do it over the weekend.
Yes that was me, sighing a martyr's sigh as I walked out into the soft rain to collect things my children had left out in the yard yesterday when they played in the gorgeous sunshine.
Yes, that was me, grumbling to Jim Cramer that he's a fuckhead and wondering how he gets to call himself a financial "expert" when he clearly doesn't know what the term middle class means to most of the middle class.
Yes, that was me, shuffling the bank statement and receipts for the third time and still not sitting down to update Quicken.
Yes, that was me, trying to stay cool on the phone with the school counselor. The ten year old didn't buy my lies and was sure that she was dying and must come home to die in comfort in front of the television.
No, that was the school counselor, laughing as she mentioned that she's got a kid at home, too, who's currently working every possible angle to get out of school. Thank goodness she understands that I'm ready to snap Cupcake in half.
Yes, that was me, hissing invectives, lies and threats over the telephone wire to the crying, dying of a sick tummy ten year old.
Yes, that was me, thinking it's time to seriously consider military school for Cupcake.
No, that wasn't me making that sound, it was the tow truck was beep, beep, beeping backward down the driveway.
Yes, that was me, standing in the rain, explaining to the nice guy from the tow truck company that I don't have a Triple A card. Yes, I could see that his order to pick up the car says that I have a Triple A card, but I don't. I'm sure after I get the bill, I'll wish I did.
Yes, that was me, wondering where in the hell those little black dogs came from and why did they have to show up just as my broken down car was being loaded onto the back of the flatbed.
Yes, that was me, clicking my tongue at the little male dog who was humping the little female dog as she looked mournfully at me. Clearly,this was not her idea to follow me into the garage and get poked by her friend in the corner where the baseball stuff is stored.
No, that wasn't me, it was Andy, the tow truck guy who'd finally given up on trying to force a Triple A card out of me trying not to blush about the fornicating canines.
Yes, that was me, wishing I'd just taken a vacation day instead of using up today as my work from home day. I could use some time in bed watching television, napping and reading the book I'm trying to finish.
Yes, that was me, watching the bickering finches make a mess at the birdfeeder.
Yes, that was me, considering the vodka in the freezer as a potential accompaniment to my second cup of coffee.
Yes, that was me, smiling because some old work pals had confirmed me as friends on Facebook.
Yes, that was me, rememebering to keep a good thought for The Actor's baseball tryouts today. Dang, I hope me makes the team.
Yes, that was me, thinking that the minute I stopped to take a pee, my phone would ring.
No, that was my boss J, who wanted to chat for a few minutes before his next appointment. Did he catch me at a bad time?
Yes, that was me, deciding it would be a bad idea to flush while on the phone with J. He doesn't need to know I was multi-tasking. He's a tad squeamish, as it is.
Yes, that was me, sneaking a handful of M&Ms out of the cabinet while two co-dependent cats looked at me yearnfully, hoping with all their furry might that I'd opened the cabine to fetch tuna. Silly cats. I don't eat tuna.
Yes, that was me, considering making a dumb video, showing you what it's like to be stuck in the middle of nowhere, miles from anything, on a chilly, rainy day, without any transportation.
Yes, that was me, reading The Dancer's emails upon her request - okay, maybe I read one or two that I hadn't been expressly authorized to read, but they were college emails, nothing personal. And wow - I'm impressed at that kid's ability to write a businesslike email. Who says kids aren't being taught how to communicate professionally?
Yes, that was me, marking all my political rss feeds as read. I'm so sick of politics right now, I don't even want to think about the process.
Yes, that was me, wondering how many times I can listen to the Midsomer Murder theme music before I go crazier than I already am.
Yes, that was me, handling The Dancer's toe pads like they are toxic waste. Like? There's no question, they are toxic. Next time I touch them, I'll be sure to wear latex gloves.
Yes, that's me, looking at the rain as it has transitioned from a soft patter to a steady downpour. Wonder if I'll lose internet access? I hope not, but if I do, that idea of going back to bed is becoming more and more likely....