Saturday, April 25, 2009

Crimony! How much more honesty can you take?

I've gotten really bad about using this blog to properly to thank my fellow bloggers for awards and accolades. Some of you must wonder "Would it kill her to answer a tag? Is she too good to participate in a meme?"

Oh, where to begin? Well, thank you to Steve Emery, The Crow and Dean Wormer for awarding me with The Honest Scrap award. I am honored. I'm also shocked that y'all come here to see my stand on my head and show my panties. But thank you all the same.

As these events warrant, like proper placement of the fork next to the plate or how to address an Earl, this, too, has a set of rules and customs. I will share them here, but that is likely as far as I will go. I'm put off tagging others just because I hate to choose. Each blog I read adds something lovely to my life, knowledge, art, a giggle, an insight, news, music, beauty, feelings, thoughts.... you get the idea.

The rules of this award are:

1.You must brag about the award.
2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger.
3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. 4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself.
Then pass it on with the instructions!

Okay, the honest things about me? This is the tough part because I feel like you all know so much about me already.

I guess I'm just going to dive in. It's typically what I do, right?

(1) I'm attracted to inappropriate things.
I've noticed lately that I like songs even though they have lyrics that could be considered offensive. For example....
Ben Taylor, Wicked Way.
She Wants Revenge, Tear You Apart.
The Decemberists, The Rake's Song.

(2) I wish I could travel across time.
If you watched that last video listed above, you'll have those images fresh in your mind. The footage was shot in New York City. This is especially poignant for me because it's somewhere between picking at a scab and applying salve. Depends on the day, the moment, the nanosecond. We're coming up on the anniversary of all sorts of personal dumbfuckery on my part and, try as I might to forget, it's hovering somewhere in the background making me wish that I could go back in time, rewind my life's recording, hit erase, erase, erase.

(3) I tune out my own thoughts.
I do not like falling asleep without the television on. If I lie there and listen to my thoughts, it's very hard to fall asleep.

(4) I look forward to a future when I have time and a wee bit of disposable income to do things. I really, really, really want to travel back to France and that's not going to happen by magic. Shut up, MathMan. I will not borrow your sister's broom either.

(5) I am not the kind of nurturing mom I thought I'd be. I do funny, sarcastic, honest (there's that word again), and I probably am soft with them in ways they understand, but I'm not traditional, I get really impatient and resentful of the expectations for mothers these days and I find it very easy to react first with anger, then later with something more appropriate. I wish I were a different kind of mom.

(6) Yesterday, when The Actor, who will now be referred to as The Ninja, got injured and the EMTs called me as I drove to the office and I couldn't get MathMan on his phone because he was in a meeting, I came really close to losing it out of frustration. I was proud of myself for taking a deep breath, following my instincts and handling things until MathMan could get involved. You see, he's the primary parent for injury and illness. (see #5) and The Ninja is fine. Three stitches in his shin, no biggie.

(7) This is getting easier as I consume more wine. I really like wine. Alot. Alot, alot. I am not drunk blogging. I am drinking blogging.

(8) I took a nap when I got home tonight. Well, first I ate because all I'd consumed during the day was one and a half of a micro-powdered donut, a cup of coffee and a piece of string cheese. As we drove home, I told MathMan that I could feel my brain being sapped of synapses from a lack of food and sleep. I'm telling you, something has to give. Soon.

(9) I don't like not getting my way. Who does, right? Well, lately, I've been very frustrated with The Dancer who still wants to go to a school she cannot afford. I want to scream at her that we will not let her make the same fucking mistakes we made. NO LOANS. NONE. I do find that when I tell her we don't always get our first choice or what we want, I'm talking to myself as much as I am talking to her.

(10) I'm going to take a break for a few days. I'm wiped out. The move, the adjustments, the longer commute (although the company is very delightful), the lack of sleep, the college-days diet, the late nights of cybersex with MathMan (who knew I would hook up with my very own husband on one of those affair websites?), the general fretting, the torture memos to read, the running and screaming at the sight of carpenter bees, the additional responsbilities at work, the onset of baseball and gardening season, the fact that each and every day brings a new reminder that it's the end of the school year for three kids in three different schools plus one dedicated math teacher, graduation is bearing down on us, looming decisions and disappointments to deal with, the constant negotiations with my id, ego and superego and that unresolved itch that seems to appear when I don't have a Dave handy, have all conspired to wear me the hell out.

Plus, I just want to finish reading my book about Edward Gorey without sitting on the damned toilet. There's also lots of video to edit, finger operas to rehearse and sock puppet to design.

Anyway, you get the picture. Me = tired. The rest is just so much fluffernutter soup with a dollop of yawn floating sadly on top.

See you in a bit, People of the Internets.

Honestly loving you hard, fast and in many inappropriate ways,


030909 Lisa 2, originally uploaded by mathman6293. This comes from MathMan's flickr account. Photo taken March 9, 2009.
Sometimes, MathMan really captures the true me in a photograph. That is all.

(Drawing of some woman named DCup - above- by susan at Adventures Ink, Phantsythat and Baby Days. Click the picture for a link)


  1. Great photo of you, Lisa. Hope you return to us well rested.

  2. I think we live similar lives. I relate so much to #5 & #9 - and #7 - well that is a given. I hope you get some much needed rest. I've got to restart blogging again... I just can't seem to get the knitting needles out of my hands long enough...

  3. Damn...i LOVE that photo of you. And I also love wine. Oooo we're gonna have fun when I come there ;)

  4. Or two if it's REALLY good red...

  5. But that's all. OK?
    love you

  6. #5 strikes a chord....right there with you.

  7. Very interesting... and no I don't think we ever really know Because we only let the little things out and keep things inside we really don't want let out. But that's ok. Some things are needed to be kept secret.

    I have to do one too... It should prove

  8. Gee I'm not sure what kind of mom you had but it became apparent to me early in life that if one of my parents was going to kill me it would be her.
    Dad was stricter but he was always able to control his anger/ disapointment.
    Mom on the other hand had to put up with us 4 every day, all the time, all the whining.crying, begging, hell you're a mom you know. Sometimes she would just lose it a tiny bit and then everyone tried to just disappear and or sacrifice a sibling.
    Kids should always have a healthy fear of their parents.

  9. That's a great photo of you. I notice over the past few months we see more pictures of you smiling, which is really cool.

  10. love the photo. hope you get some rest from your hectic life. See you soon xx

  11. I do find that when I tell her we don't always get our first choice or what we want, I'm talking to myself as much as I am talking to her.Boy do I hear ya! I give advice to the kids but really I'm talking to myself. Trying to cement in the wisdom that is likely to fly of the ole brain case when I'm not getting what I want :~)

  12. Drunk blogging can be fun, or so I'm told. Micro-powdered donut? Is it full of computer chips?

    NO LOANS. NONE. is a great song. I sing that to the oldest all the time.

    How do you tune out your own thoughts without external distraction? I'm impressed.

  13. I guess I better do this thing now.

    None of us is the mom we wish we were because we all wish we were perfect, at least for the sake of our children, but that's not gonna happen.

  14. That photo is very much the Lisa I have come to know and love. Have a nice break and be good to yourself

  15. A lot here to chew on, my dear. College costs? I could write a book -- OK, a short essay - on it. Anna is paying off $25,000 after ONE year. It breaks my heart. We are one truly FUCKED UP society when it comes to supporting people in the essentials.

    Your past? I must have come on board after that fateful time, and have only caught whiffs of it through reading your blog. I do know that the BIG message that the BIG GUY -- Jesus, himself -- had was forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive. Yourself. others. Everyone. (Although I'm not quite sure where the prosecution of Bush, Cheney, Rove, et al fits in all that.)

    Finger operas? I might be coerced into coaching you in private, but DON'T TELL ED. He thinks I've forgotten how it went!

    <3 Suzy

  16. Love you, sister. I've been thinking a lot about you lately...I know May 19 is coming. I'll call you.

  17. I hear you dollface. Have a nice break. We'll be here when you get back.

  18. Enjoy a good rest. I know how beneficial they can be sometimes. We are not going anywhere.

  19. You could do a Lilly Von Schtupp impersonation!
    Im TiredLOL

    hope you and Mathman have a relaxing weekend

  20. Hey, you mentioned (and linked to) Dave--yay!! *smiles* Honestly, you are too too funny--I love reading your blog.

    I hope life slows down for you soon, for real, and you feel all calm and normal--no wait, that wouldn't be quite as entertaining for me! I like you silliness/craziness--and after all, it's all about entertaining me!--right???? LOL! :)

  21. You're doing extremely well considering and you look so lovely too. I admire your courage. You've been a generous friend. Ease up on yourself a little. And carry on with the cybersex.

  22. I'm with Braja; that's my favorite photo of you.

    I'd love to be a fly on the wall if you two ever get together for a visit-wine or not! Two beautiful, wise and funny. That would be great!

  23. This was much as I hoped, thank you, and I enjoyed reading it. And that portrait at the end - MathMan capturing you... I know Dearest and I look at each other and still see our 18 year old selves, and from this photo I can tell MathMan still does that with you, too. I think it's the eyes that hold it all in place, and then our minds keep reading the same expressions, even as the rest of us changes around those two things.

    And yet, while we still see the 18 year olds, we also see all the rich additions. So today's 18 year olds look awfully blank to me. And seeing that past beauty and the present beauty all together is one of the many things that separate us from the animals - and from the angels. You and MathMan know what I mean. God made us to do this (among so many other things). I like fulfilling His expectations and hopes on this front.

  24. Is it only us women who need the tv to sleep? My hubby can sleep almost no matter WHAT. We owe everyone on the planet...shi(t) is falling apart...all the kids need to be across town at the same time on the same day...he sleeps.

    It sux.


  25. Cool little insights and a wonderful picture of you to finish the thoughts. Was that before or after the frosting?


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