Monday, April 13, 2009
Driving Miss Lisa
On Friday night, after the tornado sirens stopped going off and we emerged from our basement like peevish moles, we waved a fond farewell to the lemon Kia. Thank goodness on the one hand. That car was so temperamental and expensive to maintain. On the other hand, we're now tethered together each morning and afternoon and, although we enjoy each other's company immensely, we're about to experience togetherness like we haven't in many, many years.
Gone will be the time to switch gears between work and home at the end of the day. I won't be able to burn through cell phone minutes passing the boring drive by gabbing away with friends. I won't be able to shout "Hey, Brassy!" at MathMan's friend's horse each day on my way to and from work when I pass his paddock.
I'll leave it to MathMan to tell you what he won't be able to do now that I'll be riding snuggled up against him during the hour long commute. I'm sure it would involve listening to sports talk radio in peace - not having a person sitting next to him snorting with derision and lolling her head against the passenger side window, begging him to please, for the love god, please change the channel. How about the weather and traffic?
I'm thinking all this togetherness might make for the occasional blog post, but I don't want to jinx the idea by thinking it now. If I expect something curious or interesting or even funny to happen so that I can write about it, we'll just end up discussing hideously mundane things like what we'll make for dinner, who's responsible for delivering the bedtime beatings to The Spawn and whether or not we'll have time to practice that new square dance we're trying to perfect.
I do have a back up plan, though. I've been contemplating writing the occasional post providing driving tips for the clueless. You see, here in Georgia, there wasn't a mandated formal driver's education program until a couple of years ago. The lack of such formal education shows. A lot. Now, native Georgians might get a little miffed at being singled out, so my driving tips will not be framed in such a way as to make the locals feel bad. Goodness knows, there are bad drivers every where.
If it comes to that, I think my first post will be something like "Go on, inch out into the intersection already! You've got people behind you who know how to make a left turn, dammit!" or maybe "Turning into your own lane - why the road engineers may have overestimated your intelligence..."
For now, though, I'm just planning to enjoy the ride. If MathMan is driving, I will (1) Regale him with stories of my childhood, if I can think of any he hasn't heard; (2) Remove my shoes and socks and perform sock puppet versions of our favorite The Young Ones episodes; (3) Try not to snore too much; (4) Beg him to stop at every Dairy Queen on the way and buy me a Dilly Bar; (5) Explain, in excruciating detail, what I had for lunch, to whom I spoke on the phone during the day, what itches and what doesn't, which work project pained me more and whose blog post made me laugh the hardest when I was supposed to be working.
None of these things are too far fetched. You can thank me later for leaving off number 6 which involves a feather, some Barry White Music, a small container of Crisco Oil, a video camera and that book of extraordinary positions we keep tucked away in the top dresser drawer.
However, if I'm the driver, I will just keep my eyes on the road and bark out orders to the other drivers who are either too oblivious or stupid to know that they are doing it wrong.
Hopefully this morning's inaugural co-commute isn't an omen for things to come. The rain poured down, the wind sheers battered the compact car, the traffic jammed up and then just inched along until right before our exit.
To pass the time, MathMan and I sang rounds of old favorites and shared the banana without nuts bread I baked yesterday.
Old MacDonald will be coming around the mountain.......