Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Pensieve in Four Parts


It's time once again for The Pensieve. That's where I draw random thoughts from my brain and put them here for you to sort through and make of them what you will. For me it's Carpe Diem. For you, it's Caveat Emptor. See - this is what happens when you learn Latin from The Brady Bunch and the front of iron on t-shirts.

Part One - Taking the Good with the Bad
I am a parental failure and success. I am a failure because I am fed up with The Royal Pains right now and it's my own damn fault that they are lazy, lazy beings.

Some backstory - I am not enjoying a bout of depression that is plaguing my waking hours. Things feel out of control. My response is classic. I control what I can. I clean. So yesterday, I self-medicated with Windex (I only considered sipping it once or twice) and bleach (I would never contemplate sipping bleach. It feels slimy to the touch and it isn't that pretty shade of blue raspberry like window cleaner.) I soothed myself with the overwhelming drone of the vacuum. I may not be able to solve my problems or silence the voices in my head that love, love, love to recite all the mistakes I've made over the last twenty-five or so years, but my house can be spotless, with things just so.

While I self medicated, The Royal Pains remained inert and draped over the furniture, eyes glued to electronic devices, snacks within easy reach. The only time they moved was when I petulantly pointed out to them that I could move the furniture more easily if they weren't sitting on it. The intense cleaning I was engaged in required the moving of furniture, of course.

"You know, my grandmother was a domestic for a Jewish family in Cincinnati back before she was married," I huffed as I shoved the heavy leather sofa from one side of the living room to the other. "Funny, I haven't come so far. I'm feeling a lot like a domestic for a Jewish family in Georgia......"

Crickets.

However, The Dancer did pass the International Baccalaureate (IB) Diploma Programme so there's that. She may be lazy about housework, but she's damned smart. I just hope she's smart enough to make oodles of money so she can hire someone to handle her domestic stuff.

Part Two - Ticktickticktickticktick
Time seems to be on fast forward. Never enough hours in the day, etc. Part of the reason why I've not been blogging much is because I don't have time to read blogs. I hate to blog and not reciprocate by reading and commenting on your blogs. I don't want to be that girlfriend who calls you up, unleashes her own angst on you and then gives a quick excuse for having to hang up before asking how you are.

I've been reading novels to help me get my own writing chops up to speed (sounds so calculated, doesn't it?) I've discovered the unmitigated joy of lolling about in a bubble bath, a glass of wine next to me, candlelight bouncing off the massive mirror next to the tub, book in hand and The Spa Channel playing softly on the XM Radio. It is, quite possibly, the most girly and cliched thing I do. MathMan comes in for a show and I demurely corral the bubbles over my breasts and tell him to look away from my Buddha belly.

He is not fooled. He knows that when he leaves the room, I toss my book aside, take a fortifying swig of wine and amuse myself with bubble beards and hats in the mirror.

Part Three - The Necessary Evil
And then there's work. I don't even know where to start, but it's busy and filled with uncertainty. I'm also doing the part time work for the attorneys who are in Europe right now and I've taken on a new venture that I want to get excited about but I don't feel like I can until after I get through this week (annual meeting for my full time job). Soon I will tell you more about what I'm up to with a second part-time job. Unless, of course, I win the lottery and then I'll just post a picture of myself rolling around in money before I disappear forever.

Part Four - Something Bigger Than Myself
There's all kinds of news going on and I've been ignoring it as much as I can. Honduras? Afghanistan? Iraq? Iran? Thirty chimps escaping from their cage at Chester Zoo in Northwest England? Among the news of celebrity deaths and other mayhem and assorted horrors humans commit against other humans, I hear that Republican Governors have run amok. And new Democratic Senator Al Franken had nothing to do with it.

Sarah Palin stood before microphones again recently and said some disjointed things. Thank goodness for that. I'd really started missing her because she's been so bloody scarce these last few months.

She even figured into some quiet morning bedlam that took place in the kitchen of Golden Manor this morning. I was enjoying an English muffin, fruit salad and tea. Simultaneously, I attempted to finish reading a chapter in The Ten Year Nap, eat my breakfast without getting it on my clothes and watch Morning Joe. The usual suspects were discussing soon to be Former Governor Palin's resignation announcement.

Accounts vary widely, but I assure you that there was nothing in my tea except for sugar and fat-free half and half. My fruit salad a mere memory of sweet nectar on my lips and one half of my perfectly toasted English muffin eaten, I put down my book and lifted the China tea cup to my lips as I grumbled about the coverage of Palin. The cup didn't make it to my lips before I tipped it and suddenly, I was awash in that sticky, sweet, milky tea.
MathMan giggled from his spot in front of his laptop. "Thought that was pretty funny, huh?" I tried to make light. He couldn't help himself. I realize this. It was funny. However, at that moment, soaked through to my undies and now having to clean the kitchen and change my clothes before I could leave for work, I was struggling to find the humor in the moment.

"Fine. Laugh. I'll get my revenge. I'll tell the world the real reason why Sarah Palin is quitting her job as governor," I issued the threat as I crawled around on my hands and knees wiping the sticky tea from everything it coated.

From my spot on the floor, I could see MathMan look my way. "Which is?????"

"Her wild love affair with you. The story is about to come out and so she's quitting now," I paused to see his reaction. He'd gone back to studying whatever was on his computer's screen. "The people of Alaska thank you, by the way....." I continued. This had become about amusing myself, not goading him. "Of course there will be inquiries into whether you are her baby's father. You'll be invited onto all the talk shows, my first published book will be in your name because I'll end up having to ghost write your tell-all. And your teaching career will be ruined....."

MathMan looked up at me. "What are you talking about?"

I smiled at him. A shiver of excitement passed through me as I envisioned him sitting smooshed between Whoopi and Barbara Walters at the table on The View. "Nothing , Honey. Just thinking aloud about my next blog post......"

21 comments:

  1. Cheer up, things could accidently get better. Say, The Repubs actually found ways to be normal, honest plain speaking people once again.

    Or, Limbaugh, Coulter, etc. all went on a spiritual retreat and returned as soft spoken nice people.

    And, what if we all became One Big Global Chorus and sang in harmony and did tunes like Up With People?

    Gee, wouldn't that be swell!

    Golly, now I'm depressed.

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  2. 12:13am? On a Monday night?

    If you didn't blog from the bath at that hour, you should hang your head in shame.

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  3. I've missed your posts but certainly understand what you're going through. I can't wait to hear about your part time venture.

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  4. Ok - let's go in order . . .

    #1 - Could you PLEASE come and by depressed in my house? The offspring are visiting their mother so the furniture will be quite easy to move. Also, it is a proven fact that crickets have no sense of humor.

    #2 - I have been enjoying (and shamed by) all the updates on goodreads . . . at least someone is reading.

    #3 - will you be naked in the money picture? Because money is filthy . . I'm thing a shower with the bills . . .

    #4 - Nobody would believe the Mathman/Palin angle . . he obviously has much better taste than that.

    :-)

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  5. You know it is more likely that I was with chimps running amok in that zoo than doing anything with Sarah Palin.

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  6. #1 - yeah, here too.
    #2 - don't worry about it
    #3 - here too again
    #4 - I'm with brave Sir Robin on that one.

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  7. For you, it's Caveat Emptor.

    Good thing this blog is free. Though you might get PayPal cash if you post bubble Abe Lincoln headshots and then you can pay for a housekeeper so you'll have even more time for girly stuff.

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  8. Ahhh Lisa, I have missed your wit!

    Part1, my urchins are a pain too......and I when in distress, I increase their grumblings by making them clean too! Huge congrats to Choloe, job well done, I'm impressed.
    2.I worry less about you commenting and more when you don't post, who cares!
    3.blah blah blah...lol
    4.I was impressed at how reserved Letterman was last night, I haven't been able to resist the urge to just dance around at how stupid she sounded in her impromptu lawn conference, and there she was again, in full body waiters this morning saying one of my favorite lines" I know, that I know that I know", please with some of her $$ could she hire an image and speech consultant, but no.....then my fun would be over!! The woman slays me...........she is so dumb!

    Take care!

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  9. The amok monkeys are actually the reason Sarah Palin quit. You were hiding in the bathtub from the amok monkeys and Sarah Palin. Because your kids refuse to do anything other than loll around the house. You decided to use them as your first line of defense against amok monkeys and Sarah Palin.

    If you find pics of your hubby and Sarah Palin, burn them before you go blind.

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  10. Oh, Lisa, hang in there. You always have too much going on. I admire the fact that you clean like a fiend when you are stressed/depressed. As you know, I wish I did. I'm more of a furniture draper type. Hugs to you.

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  11. I bake and eat when I'm stressed. Feel free to come over any time; we could have ourselves a party!

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  12. I just think there is some weird energy right now. People are out of their groove; especially noticeable in the blogging world where we keeper closer tabs on each other. Like you, I'm skimming the surface of the news and just trying to keep on top of things in my own little corner.

    (BTW, it's sweet of you to be such a conscientious blogger, but I think that you should write even if you don't have time to read.)

    I have to agree with BSR: the Mathman/SPalin romance just won't wash. And yes, she's great entertainment -- but I hope we never have to hear her name coupled with "President" again.

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  13. Also, I'm interested in the word "pensieve."

    Are you coining a new word? Did you mean to imply that your mind is like a sieve these days?

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  14. I hate that feeling of everything being disjointed and moving too fast and uncontrollable. At least you channel your frustration into cleaning. I sometimes wish I had a certain level of OCD in me that would inspire frenzied bouts of cleaning.

    Your writing, in any event, is captivating as ever.

    (And for Bee: "pensieve" is a Harry Potter term. It's a receptacle into which one can store thoughts and memories when their brains get too crowded.)

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  15. wow so many good comments but I guess I'll try to add something to the party (as my dear sainted mother used to say lol)

    addressing the mid point of point #2 (being the second point being reached) i don't come here so you will read my glob.
    I come here because I love reading yours!

    you cemented our friendship when you called me after Michele.

    Congrats on the Dancers achievement and I'd spend more time in the tub (that's becoming my course of therapy these days)

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  16. I blame the weather. Gotta be something, yes? Hope your melancholia passes and the spawn develop a love for vacuuming.

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  17. There's something to be said for the theory that depression is a natural reaction to being connected to others in the world who are suffering. Then again, maybe it is just too damn much stuff all at once. I realized the other day that at age 60 and considering I sleep approximately 8 hours a day and work 8 hours a day I'm actually only 20 in life years. Boy, I think I'm going out to party like I did in 1999.

    The weirdest suggestion I read about the Palinator's resignation is that being a working governor didn't give her enough time to hit the lower 48 right wing talk show network. More fun to come.

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  18. So do keep posting - this is fun! I stay away from TV so all I get is the take on things that folks put in their blogs - much more worthwhile. (Though I listened to much of the MJ "funeral" today because the woman on the other side of the cubicle had it on. . . )

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  19. I had a bout of depression the past couple of days, too--so I feel your pain! But I'm feeling better today...PMS sure can be brutal!! :)

    I can't wait to read the Mathman/Sarah Palin saga. *grin*

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  20. We're kinda in the same place - I too feel guilty if I post something but don't have time to read everyone else's blogs. I've been busy at work too so I know what it's like. Hope you get out of your depressed state soon. I wish my self-medication were cleaning. Instead it is either Xanax or wine (not at the same time!).

    I've been having trouble keeping up with the news or commenting on it. I'm hoping Baxter will be able to do some catching up for me on my blog this weekend. He's always good at summarizing the things I don't have the energy to talk about...

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  21. Raspberry flavored Windex? hmm...

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