Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Really Good Stuff Is at The End

There's a keen sense of expectation in the air tonight. It has risen and fallen with the flow of mood, but it's palpable.

It's been a long day. Work is very busy. I won't bore you with details because it's the detail that bore me. Big meeting = many moving parts = many chances for something to go wrong. My job is to minimize that. As much as I make goofy statements about the kind of work I do, I actually take my role pretty seriously. In a nutshell, my job is to keep my boss's head from exploding.

MathMan and the Royal Pains are joining me on this trip to the north Georgia mountains. They have rarely joined me on business trips, so I think that not knowing exactly what to expect has us all a little on edge. I hope they fun. My martyred self will be working most of the time. I'll have a couple of free hours each afternoon. I' thrilled that I can offer them a change of scenery that won't cost us a fortune.

Adding to the hilarity, we're juggling autos. The Dancer, her friend and I are leaving a day before MathMan and the other two. And the fun is just getting started.

MathMan took our car in for servicing today so that it would be in good shape for the trip. He planned to take The Dancer's car in tomorrow. Today as I was driving The Dancer's car home from work, Roxanne, a 1995 Toyota Celica, protested having to drive at high speeds on I75 and let her clutch go all the way to the floor. MathMan had mentioned a week or so ago that he thought the clutch was going. As I waited for MathMan to pick me up from my stranded position, I thanked my lucky stars that the car did its thing on the road close to home instead of in the passing lane of I75. You've gotta take your luck where you can get it, I guess.

Now we must work on plan B which will involve a rental car. We can't fit everyone into our Corolla. Well, we could, but we've got to put luggage for six people in the trunk, so that option is out.....

The Actor/Ninja's voice is really changing. He always had a rather Tom Waits quality to his voice, full of unexplained smoke and gravel, but now it's deepening even further. He sounds like The Beav on Leave It to Beaver when his voice was changing. It cracks me up. Not so funny was an accidental flashing he gave me the other day. Naturally, I reacted with my customary grace and serenity.

"Dude, no!!! I can't see that!!!!" I gasped. He was equally horrified. To break the tension, I used my Aunt Betty's line that she once delivered after having seen THAT when a friend of mine was sitting on a bike, apparently commando under his silky 1979 gym shorts...."Honey, if that thing winks at me, I'm going to have to wink back."

Yeah, that cleared the tension out of the air in a jiffy.

I told MathMan about an email I received last night that left me reeling. Seriously, I read it three times and then went to bed and just lay there, staring at the television, half wanting to tell MathMan about it, but knowing that I needed to churn it through my mind for a bit before I spilled the contents out for him to dissect with me. This particular email came shortly after one I'd received from an old paramour who quite accurately and quite sadly noted that I am a fantastic girlfriend, but a terrible wife.

This lead to a discussion of why MathMan puts up with me. We discussed again, how I am a collector of men, people actually, and how the choices I made when I was younger have had long lasting effects on several people. I've just become aware of some of the consequences of things I'd done. Through all of that discussion, MathMan remained supremely calm and self-assured. This surprised me, but it also gave me new insight into how his mind works.

At one point, I was so fascinated with how he sees things that I grabbed a marker and some paper and drew a picture of a brain. Then we attempted to diagram how much of his brain is taken up by this and that. Apparently boobies and vaginas consume a large part of this man's gray matter. Coming up a close second was work. Money, family and chores overlapped. Sports and food barely made it into a couple of tiny corners.

I was so astonished by this that I asked him if we could try making a pyramid diagram next. He took away my marker.

Fine, I thought. Let's go over again, how it is that MathMan can tolerate my difficult behaviors. Yes, behaviors. I can't be expected to focus on just one way to hard to live with, can I? I pecked and nagged and nibbled at his psyche until he got up and fetched the W. Somerset Maugham book he'd just finished, Up at the Villa.

"Let me tell you, but don't get mad," he began as he searched the book for a particular passage. I lay with my head in his lap, my feet dangling over the end of the love seat.

"I won't. I promise."

"Of course you behaved like a perfect idiot. But it showed you have a generous heart and to tell you the truth, not many of the sort of women I've known had that...." he read aloud.

I'm not quite sure that I ever see myself as generous. Kind, yes. Exceedingly worried about the feelings of others, oh yeah. But generous? I'm not so sure.

Now take my friend Linda. She is generous. Look at the gifts she sent me. She makes these beautiful pieces of art with her own hands and then shares them with me. I am touched and grateful. Linda will make custom pieces for you. Visit her website to see what she has to offer.

Click on the pictures to get a better look at the detail on the earrings.

Thank you, Linda.


  1. Never mind the left side of the brain, it is all about the front and the back. Men put sex right up the front from the day we hit puberty.

    Apparently, it's claimed, some of us learn to control that urge and think of a few other things as we mature, but really, it's just easier all round for us to spend all our time thinking about Vajayjay's...

  2. I loved your diagragm of Mathman's brain. I feel it's similar for most men except there are some that leave some room up there for sports thoughts.

    Have a great trip.

  3. I just saw the movie Away We Go -- I think that the male lead may be a bit like what you describe in Doug.

  4. IMO you are a flirt and most times it's a harmless flirting but believe me, guys don't know that or they just don't want to know that anyway. Hell, you don't even have to be flirting at all but a lot of guys are ready to look at it that way. You smiled at him? Then you must be wanting him awfully bad he thinks. Never mind that you were thinking about something else entirely and smiled as you reflected upon it--he thinks you were smiling at HIM and that you want him. Okay, that's my two cents! Have a great family trip!

  5. Well, I like sports but seriously it is certainly not a main focus. I might be back later ... I have some thinking to do.

  6. In a nutshell, my job is to keep my boss's head from exploding.

    Drill a hole in his skull. Relieves the pressure.

    We can't fit everyone into our Corolla. Well, we could, but we've got to put luggage for six people in the trunk, so that option is out.....

    I can almost smell the future National Lampoon's Vacation post. Speaking of smelly, don't use formaldehyde in your people collection. Just boil everything down to the bones. You can open a museum!

  7. Yours and Mathman's relationship is strikingly similar to mine & my Mr's.

    I guess we're lucky that they are steady, smart, and intuitive enough to see beyond our messes and misdeeds.
    Lord knows that at this point in my life I am virtually undateable.

  8. //I am a collector of men//

    interesting hobby. I collect straight razors and teapots. I figure that way if I ever need to cut my wrists I can have a nice spot of tea first.

    going to the mountains sounds like a better idea.

    and collecting men is not a good hobby. They get moldy fast and the Vet bills are enormous.

  9. You've always seemed quite generous with your words and with really understanding what you're reading. Not all of us can be generous by making beautiful things and giving them away (I often have to remind myself of this (grin)).

  10. Ah, the joys of male puberty. Poor kid.

    My friend Terri at work told me a story about her son, now 6, then 4, coming out of the shower with only a towel wrapped around himself, announcing, "Mommy, I'm a BIG BOY now." He whipped off the towel to reveal an erection. She screamed, and put the towel back on him. Growing up with two sisters and no father figure, she was shocked to learn that boys came with fully-functional equipment from day one.

    Lisa, you are generous. With your time, your empathy, your openness. Accept the compliment. There are worse things that could be said about a person.

  11. I am back and I had lot's of thinking time since my first comment. I was mowing the lawn which is prime brain time. I must say that I was not focused on your T & A but on that darn clutch that we are getting repaired. However, I saw a nip or two and a triangle in the background.

    And on the generous thing...thanks for letting us tag along on your trip.

  12. A Tom Waits voice, once it settles out, will be spectacular.

    And although I don't know you so much in person, I feel like I know you enough to say that you are definitely generous. Easy, probably not. But easy is dull, don't you think? At least, that's what I tell myself.

  13. I CANNOT believe you said to your poor son "Honey, if that thing winks at me, I'm going to have to wink back"!! LOL!! He must have been just mortified.

    You crack me up! :) :)

  14. The fact that The Ninja's voice is close to Tom Waits is so fucking incredibly bad ass, that... that, I don't know, I kinda want to be his friend, just for that fact.

    Creepiness aside, vaginas and boobs dominate large portions of all men's minds. Not just your husbands. Trust me.

  15. "...spotted moose jewels..."

    I think they have a cream for that...

  16. BTW, no sports in my brain, it's all pussy and food and pussy.

  17. Hi, Lisa!

    We're on a trip to Valdez with relatives.

    As always, you always manage to cheer me up! I really needed that today. Why are vacations never relaxing anymore?

    Sorry about the car trouble--I can certainly relate.

    I'd definitely classify you as generous. Linda, too. True gems, as a matter of fact! :)

    Be safe and have a great trip!

  18. OK, I don't know what kind of wife you are or girlfriend (to a guy), but you are a great boss. And you are generous and a good friend. Remember what you always told me, don't brush off a compliment, just say thank you. You deserve the compliments.

  19. When you go up to those mountains, avoid the banjo playing dudes with the wide sloping foreheads.

  20. Have fun, girl.

    I'm still laughing about something you said a while back about being interrupted by kids when you were trying to get comfortable and watch some porn.

  21. I'M BACK!!! My computer!! It's fixed!! Yes!!

    OK I've calmed down now.

    Well hell, it's been THREE FREAKIN' WEEKS.

    And just so you know? I'm gonna copy and paste this comment and post it on all the blogs I visit....:))))

  22. Great post...and for someone who is a "terrible wife" I think you and Mathman actually have a fantastic marriage. You really work at relating and I think you both really "get" each other.

    Agree with others that men's brains are all like that! Certainly my DH has similar propensities.

    Have a wonderful time at that resort (hope you can have time to enjoy yourself with all the work). It looks lovely!

  23. Good god, you're beautiful.

    Mathman is terribly romantic and thoughtful to have noticed that, remembered it, and then read that to you.

    My youngest, SnuggleCat, has one of those Tom Waits voices. They are so soothing.

  24. food is hardly a tiny corner of the brain's usage! Especially chocolate cake and ice cream.

  25. My mother used to say that "Men's brains are in their dicks." So, I guess that explains why such a large part of their brains are occupied with vaginas.

    By the way, Mathman is a jewel.

  26. Your revelations of your talks with MM are honest and reading them makes me see how generous you are with your heart and mind and honesty...

    Where are you Lisa? Come and hear me talk to you on my post ... xx


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