Guarded Language

Someone I know complains about the Facebook status updates of someone else I know. (Note: for those of you who tweet, but do not use Facebook, imagine it's one person complaining about another person's tweets to you.)

That got me to thinking that I should be more judicious in my status updates and tweets (when I remember to add the tweet, that is) and so once more, I use this blog as a dumping ground for all those status updates and tweets that I don't use. Some for reasons that will be easy to see and others because I don't want to embarrass people who are related to me through no fault of their own. If you understand that correctly, you have discerned that I don't give MathMan any consideration here. Look - he chose to marry me and, thus, become related to me. Caveat emptor holds.

And after reading them over before publishing, I see that some were obviously written in my head as I cleaned up after some loathsome child of mine.

So here we go (again)...

Lisa Golden.....

...is perplexed. How is it that her children who can crack a safe using nothing more than sheer will and their mother's best tweezers can't put the lid all the way on the Gladware?

...decided screw it! and is having peach cobbler for breakfast at 10am on a Wednesday.

...wonders if her children maybe don't speak English? Nah, couldn't be. That's definitey English they're speaking when they ask for stuff.

....wants the elliptical to shut up. I know you want me to wrap my hands around your handles and place my feet on your sturdy pedals, but making exercise sound sexy isn't fooling me. That is not the fun kind of sweat.

...likes her coffee sweet and her sugar sweeter.

...will dance around that issue all day long.

...is dodging people today because it's one of those days and some people don't really want to know what she's thinking.

...is giving off mixed messages again.

...is going to get her work done quickly and sloppily so she can get back to goofing around.

...life really is short. And I'm shorter.

...isn't going to R.I.P. Ted Kennedy. I'm a liberal. You can assume what I think. Go ahead, it's okay.

...is going to go fetch......something.

....is so tired of hearing people say "Well, at least be grateful that you have a job." I'd be grateful to not need a job. I don't get money for doing nothing, you know. My employer should be grateful to have good employees who know what needs to be done and does it with a very minimum of supervision.

...was encouraged to run with scissors as a child.

....was found under a rock.

...tried to explain squishy ethics to her son last night. I'm not sure I get it, not sure he got it.

...is thirsting for knowledge in a desert of dumb.

...remembered too late that kids are expensive, inconvenient drains on the energy and resources.

...is so tired of posting rightwing bullshit for her job. I'm sick of working for people who do not get it. Hey business owners! How about you think for yourselves and stop believing that every goverment program is bad for you? Or would you like to run your businesses without roads, bridges, educated workers, water, electric, police and fire protection, the ability to turn to the courts to collect claims, etc.....?

...wants to know what's novel about the H1N1 virus.

...is watching the clock.

...is chasing water falls.

...is draped over a chaise lounge, waiting to be waited upon. So far - nothing.

....is contemplating doing housework naked. The very idea will either scare my kids into doing their share or will drive them from the abode. Either way is a win.

...would appreciate it very much if Brachs would go back to making Malted Milk Balls taste the way they used to. The right way.

...eats her M&Ms by color.

...would love to skip flossing today, but fears the reaper and you know the reaper comes first for those who don't floss.

...eschews organized and disorganized religions of all kinds.

...doesn't fear the government, but does fear the lobbies that run the government.

...will remember this. You can count on it.

...broke another fingernail.

...is filled with glee. There was a stick of gum left in the pack.

...knows that in the big scheme of things, the color she chose for her wedding remains insignificant.

...is determined to make this work.

...wants to learn how to fly. Not fly a plane, just fly.