Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Guarded Language

Someone I know complains about the Facebook status updates of someone else I know. (Note: for those of you who tweet, but do not use Facebook, imagine it's one person complaining about another person's tweets to you.)

That got me to thinking that I should be more judicious in my status updates and tweets (when I remember to add the tweet, that is) and so once more, I use this blog as a dumping ground for all those status updates and tweets that I don't use. Some for reasons that will be easy to see and others because I don't want to embarrass people who are related to me through no fault of their own. If you understand that correctly, you have discerned that I don't give MathMan any consideration here. Look - he chose to marry me and, thus, become related to me. Caveat emptor holds.

And after reading them over before publishing, I see that some were obviously written in my head as I cleaned up after some loathsome child of mine.

So here we go (again)...

Lisa Golden.....

...is perplexed. How is it that her children who can crack a safe using nothing more than sheer will and their mother's best tweezers can't put the lid all the way on the Gladware?

...decided screw it! and is having peach cobbler for breakfast at 10am on a Wednesday.

...wonders if her children maybe don't speak English? Nah, couldn't be. That's definitey English they're speaking when they ask for stuff.

....wants the elliptical to shut up. I know you want me to wrap my hands around your handles and place my feet on your sturdy pedals, but making exercise sound sexy isn't fooling me. That is not the fun kind of sweat.

...likes her coffee sweet and her sugar sweeter.

...will dance around that issue all day long.

...is dodging people today because it's one of those days and some people don't really want to know what she's thinking.

...is giving off mixed messages again.

...is going to get her work done quickly and sloppily so she can get back to goofing around.

...life really is short. And I'm shorter.

...isn't going to R.I.P. Ted Kennedy. I'm a liberal. You can assume what I think. Go ahead, it's okay.

...is going to go fetch......something.

....is so tired of hearing people say "Well, at least be grateful that you have a job." I'd be grateful to not need a job. I don't get money for doing nothing, you know. My employer should be grateful to have good employees who know what needs to be done and does it with a very minimum of supervision.

...was encouraged to run with scissors as a child.

....was found under a rock.

...tried to explain squishy ethics to her son last night. I'm not sure I get it, not sure he got it.

...is thirsting for knowledge in a desert of dumb.

...remembered too late that kids are expensive, inconvenient drains on the energy and resources.

...is so tired of posting rightwing bullshit for her job. I'm sick of working for people who do not get it. Hey business owners! How about you think for yourselves and stop believing that every goverment program is bad for you? Or would you like to run your businesses without roads, bridges, educated workers, water, electric, police and fire protection, the ability to turn to the courts to collect claims, etc.....?

...wants to know what's novel about the H1N1 virus.

...is watching the clock.

...is chasing water falls.

...is draped over a chaise lounge, waiting to be waited upon. So far - nothing.

....is contemplating doing housework naked. The very idea will either scare my kids into doing their share or will drive them from the abode. Either way is a win.

...would appreciate it very much if Brachs would go back to making Malted Milk Balls taste the way they used to. The right way.

...eats her M&Ms by color.

...would love to skip flossing today, but fears the reaper and you know the reaper comes first for those who don't floss.

...eschews organized and disorganized religions of all kinds.

...doesn't fear the government, but does fear the lobbies that run the government.

...will remember this. You can count on it.

...broke another fingernail.

...is filled with glee. There was a stick of gum left in the pack.

...knows that in the big scheme of things, the color she chose for her wedding remains insignificant.

...is determined to make this work.

...wants to learn how to fly. Not fly a plane, just fly.

30 comments:

  1. I eat M & Ms by color too. I'm guessing that isn't the usual way, yes?

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  2. (*also eats most all colored candies in a prescribed order, and has actually voted in a poll among others as to the correct rating of the colors of both M&Ms and Skittles, ftr*)

    I want to make all of these my own twitter/fb statuses, ALL AT ONCE:


    ...is thirsting for knowledge in a desert of dumb.

    ...remembered too late that kids are expensive, inconvenient drains on the energy and resources.

    ..is draped over a chaise lounge, waiting to be waited upon. So far - nothing.

    ....is contemplating doing housework naked. The very idea will either scare my kids into doing their share or will drive them from the abode. Either way is a win.

    ...eschews organized and disorganized religions of all kinds.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey, I'm a little late here ... but Happy Women's Equality Day!


    BAC

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  4. I'm grateful I don't have a job even though I'm broke and technically need one.

    I still am not convinced I will not murder someone at his/her desk.

    ReplyDelete
  5. i write where ever and what ever and how ever i feel like.

    so i have my blog and facebook and twitter- tho i'm rarely there.

    i like what you post where/what and how. ; )

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  6. Just don't eat the brown ones or you'll make baby David Lee cry.

    I wish I didn't have to have a job. Come on, rich bastards, adopt me.

    ReplyDelete
  7. love these.

    And peach cobbler is one of the many non-diabetic-friendly foods I have requested that my friends bring me in the hospital within 1.3 seconds of The Joey exiting my body.

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  8. I eat m&m's by color and feel a need to organize my hangers my color and type, I'm sick I know.
    I think all FB statuses should be random!

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  9. I've become addicted to twitter--mainly for the agent/writer/publisher/news-junkie aspect of it. Also I seldom have a conversation with another human, so twitter is as close as I come to that. Lately I'm doing a lot of retweeting. I just learned how, but have found that if I retweet all day, I wake up with 20 new twitter followers. I'm now at 500+. If only that would result in getting me published.

    I'm also doing a lot of reediting and rewriting. I've been inconspicuously absent from blogging. Oh I post, but mostly things I find on twitter, or email I receive. I've missed you.

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  10. Do you eat fudge-striped shortbread cookies perpendicular to or parallel to the stripes?

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  11. I could tell you what makes Influenza A (H1N1) 2009 novel, but have a hunch you're not really interested in looking at family trees for flu viruses.

    While we're thinking about food, which were better, Oreos or Hydrox?

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  12. Having just seen Julie and Julia, I am having my very dearest friend and her family over for dinner tomorrow night.... I am going to try homemade peach cobbler from "The Joy of Cooking" ala Julie... Wish me luck, although baking for me IS a joy...everything else? Not so much.

    I eat M&Ms by colors in even numbers.... I always thought I was weird.... Thanks all. I feel better now!

    While I don't twitter, you've successfully dragged me to Facebook....oddly, NOT kicking and screaming...though I do more lurking than anything else....

    Cheers, dear! In my book, you can do no wrong!! ;-)

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  13. Thanks for some goodhearted giggles. Hope the next days are less worthy of humor and more genuinely fun.

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  14. damn, I'm just not a social networker unless it's long form. tried once. couldn't do it.

    love you. say 'hi' to mathman.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm just heartbroken over Teddy Kennedy, even though his end was much less tragic than the death of most Kennedy's. I don't know how anyone can show disrespect to someone who got up every day (up until the last week of his cancer) to work for those less fortunate than him. Especially since he didn't exactly need to work.

    ReplyDelete
  16. My latest stats would be as follows:

    Renn...

    ...Killed Twitter in a fit of rage b/c it was making her crazy. She desperately misses her Jewish and stripper followers. Oh well, her Facebook Gays will make up for it.

    ...rendered an HR advocate speechless today. Simply by stating facts.

    :)

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  17. My favorite one is "is going to get her work done quickly and sloppily so she can get back to goofing around." All of us have done that at one time or another! *giggles*

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  18. m&m's-check
    naked housework? might make the kids do it, hahahah
    I hate twitter and facebook...is that weird? it's OK, I know...
    you are much better at it than me...forget it, I have too much to say :) witness: comments to your posts....

    kisses and misses [you:]

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  19. I try to keep my Tweets and Facebook status updates (now linked together) to a minimum. No more than three or four a day at most.

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  20. I'm all pent up here. It's been approximately four score minus three score and seventeen days since I last commented here.

    Firstly, FashionAddict- I think you misunderstood her Kennedy comment (which makes it a good thing you posted it here rather than there).

    Secondly, they are many of them wonderful updates.

    May I recommend pumpkin pie for breakfast. Just as peach cobbler contains fruit, pumpkin pie is healthy with all that pumpkin (I tell myself).

    Thirdly, I get this completely. I almost posted this today:

    Sometimes it's not the greenness of the adjacent grass that's the issue, but rather that this grass is just brown.

    I showed a restrain over there I am unwilling to show over here.

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  21. Freida - I hope that you will remain forever unrestrained here.

    I was afraid I'd offended Fashion Addict and so emailed her (I'm famously lazy about coming back to respond to comments, but I do email commenters). She was simply stating that she was saddened by anyone who would comment negatively about the late Senator via FB status, etc. We're cool.

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  22. I do believe one of those tweets EXCEEDED your 140 character allotment!!! Let's try to play by the rules please! LOL

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  23. IMO Tweeting is mindless--look at the post they are totally banial--UCH !

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  24. ...is draped over a chaise lounge, waiting to be waited upon. So far - nothing.

    I love your quirky sense of humor! That was perfect. Thanks for the laughter!

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  25. Love all your statuses, both here and elsewhere!

    BTW, I used to always do housework naked. That way when I didn't get any clothes dirty that would have to be washed!

    Now I just don't do housework anymore, LOL!

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  26. Oops, that was supposed to be "that way I didn't get my clothes dirty..." aw heck you knew what I meant.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Status Updates That Didn't Make It Into My Box (But for some reason yours?)

    J...

    is arguing with that bitch on The Food Network.

    Can't stand the asinine conversations I force myself to have with my own mother to get a little bit of much needed information/assurance.

    For some reason is allowing the ferrets to continue on in some sort of gladiatorial combat for his own amusement.

    Will never truly admit that his iPhone isn't as awesome as he thought it would be, three weeks in.

    wants to punch Diane Rheme in the throat.

    has officially given up on trying to: play the guitar/convince his wife he can do whatever he wants/recover his balls.

    wishes it was socially acceptable for an almost-28 year old to ride a skateboard in public.

    fears letting go of Gmail, Facebook and Apple products even though he knows they're the coming of the New World Order Police State.

    despite having a very good, stable job where he's fed lobster and steak for lunch, has a beautiful view of the water from the deck at his office and gets paid to lolligag around a vacation resort that people come from all over the country to spend thousands of dollars just to visit for one week, wishes he was under the hot sun, eating dirt in Afghanistan.

    ReplyDelete

And then you say....

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