Wednesday, December 16, 2009

In a Mood

Oh, she's got a bug up her ass. A burr under her saddle. A bee in her bonnet. She's been thinking again. It's a bad habit she really ought to break before she loses her some friends or gets her teeth knocked down her throat.
- Someone during/after reading this post

I've been thinking about all the people I'd like to hear shut up. I've been developing a mental list of the people from whom I'd enjoy nothing more than some pure, unadulterated silence. Not a peep. Not a sound. As a teacher at an elementary school said this morning "Your bottom lip should be touching your upper lip."

Like that.

Here's my list, along with some commentary because goodness knows I don't know how to be still. Hell, I'm struggling with being concise. Quiet is problematic. Silence? Wholly unachievable. Hear me shout it now. I am a hypocrite.

Labels aside, I still want to go days, weeks, months, years without hearing from or about the following:

Sarah Palin. Please. Tick a lock. It's embarrassing to see someone who just isn't that intelligent pontificate about things and suffer from a complete lack of self-awareness. Don't make us pity you. It diminishes us all. Have some respect for this nation and its people. Stop telling them that it's cool and awesome to be small-minded, mean-spirited and exclusionary. They believe you and that is not healthy. You - mouth - closed.

(Stop looking at me like that and put down that mirror. I'm very self-aware. My therapist says so.)

Anyone still joking or reporting about Tiger Woods' sex life. Sorry people, but cheap shots? It's been done to death. Sex scandals are funny? Maybe if you're in the seventh grade. Listen up - sex scandals are only truly funny when the person involved has been a sanctimonious twat about (drumroll) S-E-X involving other people. It's when the faux-moralists fall that the real humor begins. Then, by all means, laugh yourselves silly. I do.

As for the media that has jizzed itself exhausted over this? Time to wipe up and shut it. Story over.

My son. When he is on the xBox live, his mouth runs nonstop. And negatory. I will NOT come to the cold basement to listen to the French kids and attempt to translate.

Joe Lieberman. (Seriously, people of Connecticut, why?)

Anyone who doesn't think we need universal, single payer health care. Yeah, yeah, England, yeah, yeah, socialism, yeah, yeah, I got mine - screw you. Here's what I wish for you - a terrible illness - not deadly, only bad enough to make you wish you were dead. Follow that up quickly with the form-letter bad news that you can't afford the care or the cure because your private health insurance won't pay for it. Then let's hear you tell us again how having yours and fucking everyone else is so spectacular.

People who don't "believe" in climate change or that we greedy, resource gobbling humans don't have anything to do with it. Oh, really? I invite you, then, to come stand with me next to the big black candy mountain that fuels Plant Bowen. Watch as the baby-shit brown ribbon of noxious gasses forms and coagulates so that it can float south toward Atlanta. So you don't see the point in cleaning up our ways? Well, here, open wide. Let me stick this hunk of coal in your gaping maw so you can shut up and think about that.

The voices in my head. I hear you - failure, death, destruction, naked snow boarding, sex, drugs, rock and roll, chocolate, debt, pain, self-loathing, guilt, sedimentary rocks, Mad Magazine, and cookies. I hear you. If you don't clamp it, I will seek pharmaceutical duct tape for your mouths.

Sheeple of any stripe. Please. Close your mouth and try to use some critical thinking skills. You can't talk and think at the same time, obviously.

MathMan. Every time he tells me it's time to go the gym, I want him to shut up. What does he not understand about the fact that once I'm in and done for the day, that means I am done. Except, of course, he does run with his cute butt on the treadmill in front of me, so ...... nah, I still want him to shut up.

Whichever cat it is who continues to repeat meow at me even though I am in the process of putting the food right in front of their faces. I get it. You're hungry. Here's the food, now shut up and eat.

I have oh so many more, but MathMan is sitting here right now not shutting up and telling me it's time to go to the gym. I better go, because now I hear him muttering under his breath about cattle prod purchases.

Please feel free to tell me who you'd like to hear shut up. And you'd better not say me because (1) I will hunt you down and probe you ungently with MathMan's new cattleprod; and (2) Clearly, that's not true or you wouldn't come here and read this nonsense, silly.

24 comments:

  1. I was taking in some of the silliness in your words and then focusing upon the serious part.

    The serious part pushed me into thinking of how it would feel to hear someone I disagree with - whether my partner, a friend, Newt Gingrich, Miss Palin, Bush Jr, etc. - saying to me (or others/all of us)something like:

    "I hear you saying: x, y, and z (seriously - in detail - expressing much of what I feel/think) and I appreciate what you are saying. I agree with x, but disagree with y and z because...." in a thoughtful, caring way.

    While I can't imagine Miss Palin succeeding in this, I could imagine some folks like Orrin Hatch (who I rarely agree with) being capable of such words.

    I'd really like to respect more folks I strongly disagree with and a lot of the time they could do a lot to earn such respect.

    Thanks!

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  2. I want the following people to STFU....

    Tom Coburn.
    Dick Armey (emphasis on Dick.)
    Anyone related to Dick Cheney.
    Glenn Beck.
    Joe Lieberman(douche.)
    Dana Perino.
    Michele Bachman.

    Thanks for sharing,

    Steve

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  3. You've got it covered. What you said. Alla that. Oh, yeah --please add the "Christians" who say they don't support legislated Ugandan genocide and then do support lying "statistics" about gays.

    Shutting up now.
    G

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  4. I see your mood and raise you a level of crazy. Your man is lucky you don't demonstrate the skills you have developed regardless of gym time [aka, pointy shoe to the crotch] - if you haven't seen it, Google the JCPenney Dog House ad from last year for him....

    I like you; be well :D

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  5. we must have some ond thing ging on tonight becaue i wrote about honest discourse this evening (i know a post from me not about something stupid-hey first time for everything)
    I too am tired of Tiger. I don't care who he f*cks.
    I want to see him play golf. That's it (and yes I understand the whole "wholesome family brand" thing he has going on.

    And while I am not a blanket kind of giy I would love a day where the entire republican and democratic party would shut up if for nothing else to see what all teh cable shows would talk about.

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  6. My list overlaps yours quite a bit, actually. I didn't read Newt Gingrich's name (might have missed it, though), but he needs to stifle. Bill Kristol, when have you ever been right? Cokie Roberts' voice is worse than nails on a chalkboard as her head is emptier than the vacuum of space. At least in space there's the occasional atom floating along. . .

    Hmm, let's see . . .

    Olympia Snowe needs to return to the obscurity from whence she has emerged on the national stage. Ditto Joe the Plumber. John McCain, you lost, so shut up already.

    Oh, and I couldn't care less where Tiger Woods put his nine iron, so, please, stop. Now.

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  7. I'm with you on all of these. I also want people that are advocating "cherished memories this holiday season" with whatever crap they're selling/pushing/advocating to bite the whitest, biggest and meanest part of me.

    They can shut their pie holes immediately AFTER biting me.

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  8. Keep the naked snowboarding voice; that one is funny.

    Okay. We all know I want my in-laws to shut up with their assholic and disrespectful sniping, because I whine about them in all my comments on other people's blogs since I can't block their IP address from seeing my blog.

    Also, too, stupid "Christians" who think catch phrases and arrogance represent our faith. They make more work for me, a thinking and hopefully sometimes loving and decent person who actually respects other people.

    Old white people at airports who go around saying all black children look alike.

    Some of the kids in my choir who seem incapable of zipping it long enough to hear what they are supposed to sing next.

    My neighbor's obnoxious dogs. I tell the baby that they have "bad manners" so he doesn't think those rude barking things represent dogkind.

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  9. Ditto and Amen to all your shutupperies. It seems every time there's something important going on that it might make sense to discuss another kid falls down a well, flies off in a balloon or we're supposed to be shocked about some normal human behavior. I think 24/7 tv infotainment should shut the fuck up.

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  10. I heard this on old time radio, "ahhhh shut-up." - think Bugs Bunny or some smart-ass kid saying that.

    Thanks for being civil in the car even if you did not talk to me on our way to the gym. Hopefully, the managers won't watch the video of our sword fight with the dumb-bells.

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  11. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

    I so love you woman!

    I am lucky in that I have a room I can lock the door on and no one, no cat..nothing gets in unless I let it. I even have my own entrance to the house,to the bathroom and a refrigerator (although a small one) so I don't have to go out into the world unless I fucking want to! ;)

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  12. Shit..wtf was the question?

    Oh yeah..Holy Joe for me also needs to stfu and die a slow painful death.

    Too many others to mention..sadly.

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  13. I would like to second the addition of Michelle Bachman to the list. As a Minnesotan (although NOT from her district - I would have worked hard to keep her out. I voted for Keith Ellison, TYVM) I would like to apologize. I have no freaking idea what those people were thinking.

    And I'd like to nominate the following:

    * anyone who is bragging that they "got their shopping done before Thanksgiving"

    * a couple of choice people at work that if I never hear another peep, written or verbal from them again, I would die a happy woman

    *anyone who is all incensed at the pay/bonuses of financial executives but thinks that "that doesn't happen in the insurance/health care industry"

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  14. I love the pic. Who to shut up? Oprah, for chrissakes....

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  15. I am at my ropes end with the criminals in their coats & ties-- aka Congress. They get their faces in the camera & say "we can't afford healthcare" & go behind closed doors & butcher any decent parts of the bill.
    Honestly.... I wish they had to go do bedpan detail in a childrens cancer ward, or hang out with a family going through the final phases of medical bankruptcy & foreclosure, while a loved one fights for their life.
    Go work in a free clinic for a month & see how dedicated people in the not-for -profit health care biz make every dollar work for them.
    How their client base is overflowing & there is not enough money or staff to handle them all.
    Let them look a very ill person in the eye & tell them there is no health care for them.

    STFU about not having money & put down the WAR Budget approval stamp long enough to get a clue about what is going on.

    Anyway..... good to get it out of your system!

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  16. All of the above, and of course the usual suspects: Glenn Beck, Rush Limbagh, et al.

    And let me just add my own special STFU to Joe Liebermann. It can't be said too many times.

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  17. totally agree with you. Some people are so selfish. Just because they are OK no one else matters. The cat wrecked the tree yesterday and I cried. John told me to remember that some people don't have toilets (my big bug bear atm) it put it all back into perspective.

    I hate hate hate what ishappening to society. i can't imagine living somewhere where not everyone gets medical treatment. How selfish is that.

    tell Mathman OK see you when you get back then!

    When the 'top and bottom lip don't meet" where my dad grew up in NE East England it was known as a petty lip. Something I did more than my fair share of when I was little.

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  18. "I hear you saying blah blah blah … and what did I say?"

    Dennis Kucinich can talk all he wants. On every talk show. To me. When I'm trying to go to sleep. Or think.

    But at 5:55 in the a.m. I wish that Molly would shut up and hold her bladder for at least 5 more minutes.

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  19. Excuse me, Lisa. I have to say "hi" to Geo. Hi. Geo!

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  20. Lisa, I was in the same king of mood. I'm still encouraging Michael to start his website Shutthefuckup.org so we can list eveyrone that should.

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  21. I would really really really like the woman in the cube behind me to shut the fuck up! Especially about her dog... and her speculation of which neighborhood dog she thinks knocked-up the bitch and how many puppies they think the bitch is having and

    'gees, Jim, don't you want a puppy? puppies are SOOOOOO cute!'.

    I'ld settle for that one. For everyone else on my list I can turn the tv off and get a beer. Gees, I love Oblio's!

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  22. Phew! After reading the intro, I was afraid I'd be on the list.

    Loud people on cellphones in public. I do not give a fuck about your life. Shut the fucking hell up.

    I won't say politicians, because they can scream all the want. Since they'll be in a Turkish prison far away from non-evil fuckers, it won't really matter.

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  23. Add Michelle Bachman please. She needs to STFU and get out of my state.

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  24. liz cheney and glenn beck and the weathermen in NYC

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And then you say....

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