Tuesday, January 26, 2010

L is for Lisa who (fill in the blank)

Ever have one of those days when you're really, really glad that there's no one following you around with a video camera?

When the day started, I didn't quite feel that way. Oh sure, I began the day by locking myself in the laundry room. Thankfully I'd dropped my cellphone into my pocket and was able to text MathMan to come let me out. Actually, Nate heard me knocking on the door and let me out before MathMan arrived downstairs.

But that was just a fluke, right?

Later, after I dropped MathMan off at work and drove home, I was dealing with an increasing need to pee. Some of you are familiar with my need to squeeze when I sneeze because of um, plumbing issues. (Don't have kids? Laugh away. Your time will come.) Well, I sat at the last stoplight before reaching home and felt a sneeze coming on. The light turned green, I sneezed, forgetting that I had the car in first gear and as I reflexively crossed my legs, the car lurched forward and died.

I arrived home and rushed upstairs, dropping my purse on the floor outside the bathroom door. After I finished my business, I opened the bathroom door, forgetting that the purse had become a little booby trap. It was a nice fall.....

Did I mention that I think I broke a couple of my toes last week by stubbing them on the elliptical?

Typically, though, I'm pretty sure-footed. I suspect that existential pay back stuff is at work again. I have recently had the temerity to joke MathMan about being a klutz.

After I shook off the fall, I ventured back outside to gather up some trash that had collected in our side yard. We have a ditch that attracts all manner of effluvium from the neighborhood. I bent down to pick up a piece of a small, plastic clothes basket. I didn't realize that it was fused to the ground by a tasty mixture of dead leaves and mud. I yanked, but nothing happened. I yanked again, harder. I didn't have my mouth shut all the way which is how I know the mixture was tasty.

The rest of the day has been mostly uneventful. Mostly. After working on my manuscript for a couple of hours, I was feeling peckish. I looked in the fridge and there was the custard sauce I'd made to accompany chocolate chess pie over the weekend. The pie was gone (ahem, not me entirely) so I decided I may as well enjoy the wee bit of custard that was just going to go to waste otherwise. I spooned it out of its little glass cup enjoying its sweet goodness while I watched the birds at the feeder. A cat rubbed up against my leg. I dipped my finger into the custard and bent down to give the cat a lick. He gave me a warm thank you nuzzle and I stood, bumping my head on the edge of the kitchen table. The custard bowl clattered to the floor.

"Well, let's just hope that's the last of my klutziness today," I sighed and rubbed my head. The cat rolled his marble eyes at me and went about cleaning up the custard from the floor.


  1. Sometimes you're the bug - sometimes you're the windshield. I know that feeling. Seems like I am always doing something klutsy. Take care Lisa.

  2. I would tell you about my day, but it would probably make you cry, and I don't need that on my conscience.

    I am glad you survived the day though.

  3. All you need is Moe and Larry.

    Thanks for making me laugh, because, as Mel Brooks said, tragedy is when I stub my toe. Humor is when you fall in an open manhole and die.

  4. l is for lisa who confused mustard for custard.

    that was a story and not your real life, lisa, right? because if it were real, i feel a real fairy tale happening soon. maybe, the next time you're stuck in the laundry room, try letting your hair fall out the window.
    nobody can have that much bad luck without a happy ending to put the universe back in balance.

  5. Well, at least you didn't get as far as 'L is for Lisa who bled and bled'. Tomorrow will be a better day - especially if you stay in bed.

  6. I think those were signs to climb back into bed. Ok, maybe not.

  7. I filled in the blank with "lit a big fart." Because I hung out with little boys all day. At least that's my excuse.

  8. hi dear lisa, l is for lisa who thankfully, is still alive ;)

    when i fall down, i don't get up for months so count your blessings , my dear...it only gets worse but thanks for giving me a good laugh...and the pics are priceless!
    you have no idea how good your custard sounds with being gluten and sugar free now...ugh...

  9. What is it about toes and ellipticals?

    Pinky toe--twice during Christmas week. Still hurts.

    Too much egg nog, I guess! ;)

  10. Great. Now we're all going to catch your klutzitis. And you ate all the custard, too, very rude.

  11. Oh Saoirse in Spokane - you reminded me of one of my FAVORITE songs..

    Sometimes your the Louisville Slugger, sometimes your the ball.

    Lisa - hope you don't fall any more! (or trip, or break toes, or bump your head...)

  12. Uh, what wsxwhx663 said. Couldn't agree more.

    (Just in case wsxwhx663's message is pornographic, let me say now I'm joking. I don't know Chinese.)

    "Oh sure, I began the day by locking myself in the laundry room."

    For a second there, I thought you meant *intentionally*, like out of despair or not being able to face the world. At least it was an accident.

    Your days include a cat, so they're never entirely bad.

  13. Oh yes, I have days like that. When I can see one is in full swing I cancel important meetings, don't sign contracts, avoid any tough decisions, make sure I don't discipline anyone at work or at home... Those would all be hard to recover from if done wrong...

    Luckily these usually less than 24 hours. I hope yours is over.

  14. No stitches were involved?
    I hate days like that. I recently had a week straight of Murphy, the little fucker.

    At least the cat was happy.

  15. Well, sounds as if you had a bad day overall. I hope tomorrow will be a better one!

  16. First I love the ABC pictures, a bit macabre, but I like them!
    Secondly.....maybe it was a day to just get back in bed, for your own safety!

  17. Oh my Lord, you poor girl! :) Isn't there a kids' story about someone's "no good, very bad, horrible terrible day" or something like that? Well, you had it this day!! :)


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