So yesterday was Pay It Forward Day. I totally screwed it up, of course, since yesterday was the day I finally acted on my selfish desire to pull a nylon over my head, pick up a water pistol and rob a bank. My intentions were not good. I was not prepared to play Robin Hood with the proceeds. Oh no. After a nice vacation somewhere French, I was going to be sitting around counting the cash over and over like they do on Wall Street. Unlike those ill-mannered oafs, I would have given each bill a pet name and stroked it lovingly right before ..... wait. Where was I? Oh yes. Pay It Forward Day. Well, once again, I messed up. I didn't pay it forward, backward or sideways. Nah, I just frittered away my day in me! me! me! selfish mode. It's nothing new, mind you, I just had an official, Foundation-sanctioned reason to feel like an ass for being so self-absorbed. I took a pass. I'm done with guilt.
However, today was a new day, Scarlet, and I seized it by its gonads. To wit:
I get a text message from someone I don't know. It reads as follows: "My flight is Airtran ##### and I arrive at #:##."
I read the message twice and then sent back: "You must have the wrong person. Have a safe flight anyway."
The unknown texter responded quickly and did not mince words. "Do not play with me. Be there."
What to do? I tried again. "Who is this?"
She replied "Maretha."
I decided I'd better call. I mean, I'd already irritated her, what else could go wrong? Besides, I didn't want Maretha to be standing around the airport checking her watch and getting angrier by the minute at someone who never received the text about picking her up in the first place.
She answered on the first ring. I explained quickly who I was and why I was calling. She laughed and thanked me, explaining that she thought it was her friend giving her a hard time. "I understand. That's the kind of goofing my husband would do with me, " I said before hanging up.
And then a little while later, I was standing in an aisle at Target thumbing through coupons and trying to find the right size of Palmolive for my $1 off coupon. An older woman approached me. "Do you know where the lemon oil is?" I wasn't wearing a red shirt so she knew I didn't work there. "Sure. It's right up here." I reached up and grabbed the Old English and handed it to her. She covered me up with thank yous and then asked if I knew where the Windex swiffer thingies were for high windows. I found those too even though I still wasn't wearing a red shirt. "They should give you a job here," the lady laughed before thanking me again and moving on down the aisle.
Kapow, Pay It Forward Day. I may be late, but I made it up in quantity. Now I can go back to fantasizing about robbing banks with no intention of doing good.....