Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Unemployment Diary: So What's It Really Like



7:30 a.m. - Do high intensity run on elliptical. (20 minutes)
7:55 a.m. - Step on scale, curse quietly
8:00 a.m. - Carry breakfast upstairs on tray to watch more of the dvd I watched while dying on the elliptical
8:25 a.m. - Shower, shave legs (missing that same damn spot on my ankle again), give myself a haircut, apply make up, brush teeth to rid mouth of that awful coffee taste, apply signature red lipstick
8:45 a.m. - Don panties, bra.  Remember to weigh self (again)
8:46 a.m. - Get back on scale naked, curse loudly
8:46 1/2 a.m. - Pee
8:47 a.m. - Get back on scale more cursing!
8:47 1/2 a.m. - Grab scissors, trim a bit more off the back of my head
8:48 a.m. - Get back on scale, curse with more color and verbosity
8:49 a.m. Put back on panties, bra, add shorts
8:50 a.m. - Open Firefox, check jobs website, scratch something, drink glass of water
8:51 a.m. - Sigh with resignation.  Say something unpleasant about Republican policies.  Check other jobs website.  Consider move to DC or Chicago
8:53 a.m. - Check email, think about starting blog post, reject idea
9:00 a.m. - Shout at who ever is making that racket to stop, cats scatter
9:05 a.m. - Fetch horny kitten from the garage, empty trashcans, sort laundry, sweep laundry room, go upstairs for more laundry
9:24 a.m. - Forget what I'm upstairs to do, check Facebook to avoid stepping on scale again
9:27 a.m. -  Pee again, ignore scale
9:30 a.m. - Carry tray back to kitchen, get another glass of water, add ice
9:35 a.m. - Scoop litter boxes
9:38 a.m. - Remember that I didn't put the lid down on the washing machine, rectify situation
9:40 a.m. - Step on scale again, no cursing, this time - tears
9:45 a.m. - Read one chapter of Elizabeth Berg's new novel
9: 55 a.m. - Look for video on YouTube, post to Facebook
9:58 a.m. - Consider surfing porn, reject idea, open Word document containing manuscript
9:59 a.m. - Say to whatever disinterested cat who was licking itself loudly behind me, "Well, I've got one minute and then I will officially be a slattern if I don't put on a shirt."  I don't know what the difference between being a slattern and an "official" slattern is, but I assure you that I want to be official.


Still shirtless?

13 comments:

  1. I would suggest moving up your 8:46 1/2 pee time to earlier in the day. Must pee before way, that way there is less chance of the cursing at 7:55.

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  2. I resemble this post, only I do mostly avoid the scale....ugh.

    Tell me how Berg's new book is when you get further.

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  3. Don't weigh yourself more than once a day. Really.

    (I, alas, do not know from ellipticals.)

    Take it easy.

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  4. You need to throw that damn scale in the garbage!

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  5. What you need is a hobby, preferably a traditional hobby for writers - smoking, drinking, heavy drinking, bar fights and being arrested for disorderly conduct.

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  6. Are you suggesting everyone be shirtless? Though I like POBOX's take on the subject.

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  7. I do that with the scale too.

    At night, in the morning, after going potty. CURSING! :)

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  8. I read that list. I'm tired now and am going back to bed until the pub opens.

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  9. I've tried swearing off the scale... so now I just curse everytime I put on a piece of clothing that STILL doesn't "hang" off me.

    On the plus side, my Netflix Wii disc came. I'm pretty sure this means I now have enough "on demand" viewing to equal cable TV.

    Sweet.

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  10. Ditch the scale. It is not your friend. Go take one of the pussies for a walk instead. That ought to burn a few calories. Or not.

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  11. other than the peeing and cursing our day did not have much in common!

    and yes i am dumb what is a "slattern"?

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  12. I can relate to much of your day as an unemployed person. I check my 6 bookmarked job sites several times a day, like jobs are first come, first served.

    I also lt the dog in and out 540 times a day.

    I do now own a scale so I have to go to the gym to nurture that obsession. Fortunately that is the one area of my life that is going well.

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  13. Don't you have one of those little knobs on your scale that you could 'accidentally' shift to the 5lb less spot? Then you'd feel so much better.

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And then you say....

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