I Get Around

Yes, I realize this is not news.

I've been cheating on you guys, my long time lovers.  While I still haunt the places I've been visiting since about 1912, I've added some new places to my feed reader.  Like that stray kitten you should have never made eye contact with, I follow these new, shiny interests home.  It's not my fault that they feed me, is it?

The thing is, these new places mesh well with my Tried and Trues.  I may have met them while trolling the literary agent and editors sites or goofing around on Twitter, but many of them share my world view, skewed as it may be.  What they have in common with my old pals is humor.  It may be dark, it may be slapstick, it may be dry like a nice red wine, but humor and excellent writing ties all you lovers - old and new -  together.  It's what keeps me coming back.

Let me introduce you to Bethany.  She tagged me with a meme the other day.  Bethany is an ex-pat living in Quebec.  Long time readers will guess that I'm just a wee bit envious that she's up there where le Francais est parled. (you've gotta say it with a mash-up Midwestern flat/Deep South Country twangy accent)  Le Francais est parled.  Nevermind.

So it's Sunday morning and I'm going to do this meme because I am wiped out.  Yesterday, I did more things than I typically do in six months. Socialist things, I mean.  Wait - no, not socialist.  Social.  As in go out and interact with people.  Socialist is like when I go to the library.

I had coffee with Wendy of Wendy and Jason's Excellent Adventure!  I've been reading Wendy's blog for close to three years.  Zeke was a baby, I know that. Back then, she was living in Hawaii, a relatively new mom, writing about surfing, life with an Aussie husband and making me long for the days when Nate was a cute little guy.  Now Wendy and Jason have two kids, live in Colorado and recently closed on a house.  This wasn't like meeting for the first time.  It was like catching up. And Wendy?  I wish she lived next door. She's the chick I wish I was.  Smart, successful, funny, supremely grounded in reality. If she did live next door, I can assure you I would never have gotten so embarrassingly out of shape.  Look at her killer body.  I would have starved myself and learned to run with a brick in my pants due to peer pressure alone.  Or I would have been slipping her fat-laden stuff, lying that it was a special, fat free recipe and borrowing her workout equipment and never returning it.  You never know with me.

Thank you, Wendy, for the coffee and the great morning. I hope we'll see each other again!  Have a safe trip home.

After coffee, I returned to a clean house.  "Okay, what do you guys want?"  Because a house cleaned by Nate and Sophia is a Tell.  Like clearing your throat after telling a lie, a clear indication that favors are about to be requested.

Thankfully, they were reasonable requests.  Nate needed a lift somewhere and then somewhere else.  Sophia needed unmentionables that I'm mentioning here.  On the blog.  They're used to it.

We even had a visit with Chloe's boyfrand while we were out.  Can I tell you that a young man who stands at six foot seven draws some stares?  He's delightful, though, (even if he does introduce Nate to things like this and Nate, in turn, introduces them to me, except that song is way, way, way tame compared to the others Nate likes to "shock" me with.) and I really appreciate the fact that Boyfrand was willing to pick up a few things and deliver them to Chloe on the other side of Georgia.

Oh, and I'd like to state for the record that Sophia is grateful for the donations.  She didn't have to wait another two weeks for new underwear that don't give her distracting wedgies during class nor suffer the indignity of being dragged through Goodwill looking for used undies.  So thank you.  Not only did your dollars keep the lights on and pay the water bill (yay showers!), but you can also pat yourself on the back because my sixth grader isn't going to school commando this week.

Okay - that meme.

If you could have one superpower what would it be?
This is really hard for me even after all these years.  Every morning, I wake up and think "Hm....the ability to see through walls or invisibility?  Elasticity or speed?  Supersonic hearing or the ability to lift a freight train and set it back up on the tracks?"

And then I get out of bed, knowing that there will be dirty clothes, unmade beds, random effluvium, a pile of cat barf and a scattering of pens, markers, crayons and papers behind those walls.  With lightening speed (because I have just injected myself with caffeine and I have things I WANT to do), I'll employ my elasticity, bending, stretching, squeezing into tiny places, eradicating the clutter and filth.  In the old days, I would even pick up the train and put it back on the wooden tracks running through the living room.  I do all of this while remaining invisible because, as I asked the other day, if a woman cleans a toilet and no one is there to smell the bleach, did it really happen?

And at the end of the day, I use my supersonic hearing to make sure I've closed the porn and wiped the history set out the Organic, Hormone-Free Skim Milk and cookies before the school bus comes barreling around the bend of the subdivision.

Who is your style icon?
Oh, I dunno.  Carol Burnett as the Cleaning Woman?  Pam Dawber as Mindy?  Jackie O. when she sneaked out as her alterego Kelly Green?  Drew Barrymore when she thinks there aren't any paparazzi around or is too hungover to care? Lady Gaga when she's not wearing meat?  Who sits around in torn shorts and wife beaters?  Because that's kind of it right now.

What is your favorite quote?
Right now it's this by Mark Twain.

‎"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

What is the best compliment you've ever received?
Best?  Yikes.  Bethany had such a lovely answer to this.  Mine seems so craven and shallow in comparison.  But when people tell me that I make them laugh or that they think I'm a good writer or that I'm a good mom.  All of those give me a buzz.

What playlist/cd is in your cd player/playing right now?
Right now, it's Nate's playlist on the computer.  'nuff said.

Are you a nightowl or a morning person?
I'm a morning person.  Sometimes that means I'm still up at 2a.m.

Do you prefer dogs or cats?
Cats. I love dogs, but I'm more suited to sharing space with cats.  They totally get that sometimes I really don't feel like being petted or picked up and carried around like a baby.  If I'm hiding under the bed or in the back of the closet, they are cool with that.  Unless, of course, it's their turn in that space.  Then they bite my toes until I vacate.

What is the meaning behind your blog name?
I haven't done this in ages, but there was a time when I used to finish blog posts with something like this:

Because I had a lot to say and this meme gave me the perfect opening, that's why.


Now comes the tagging part.  You know the drill - do this when you need a post, when you need a starting point.  Pick just one of the questions and explore if you want.

Merci, Bethany, for giving me some inspiration this morning....