Friday, September 24, 2010

There's a Little Less of Me to Love

I used to sneak-eat my mom's Ayds candies.  Explains a lot.

My Weighty Battles Continue

I broke down and went back to taking the appetite suppressant Phentermine aka the "mean pill" under the supervision of my real doctor.  Not a weight loss clinics.  The upside is that it's a slightly higher dosage meaning Boy, does it work!  and it's mostly covered by insurance because it's considered prevention for that dreaded word obesity.  The downside is Boy, does it work!  Let me 'splain.

The medication makes me not hungry.  Not just not hungry, but not cravey.  As in I'm not sitting around plotting my next hit of sugar. I'm not hiding pints of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food behind a stack of frozen vegetable bags.  I'm not stowing plain M&Ms in my underwear drawer like a deranged, chocolate-craving squirrel nor am I hoarding baguettes and croissants like tomorrow all the wheat in the world will disappear forever.

For someone toting around way too many pounds, this is a good thing this not being hungry or craving junk.  I promised my self this time that I would do this the right way.  That means I must train my taste buds to appreciate or at least not be repulsed by the things that are good for me.  So far, it's working.  Mostly. I'm eating more of what I should be eating, less of what I shouldn't. And I'm exercising.  With regularity.

The result is a loss of 15 pounds so far. I weigh less than I have in four years.  I'm wearing clothes I haven't worn in three years.  I'm not sure how that math works, but I guess my body shape has changed.  Or maybe I looked like a stuffed sausage three years ago as I crammed my body into the clothes that now fit me nicely. I'm too afraid to look at my flickr account to confirm this.

I've become obnoxious about the weight loss.  Thank goodness I don't have any friends around here.  They'd be shunning me by now and saying ugly things about me behind my back in Facebook chats.  Lucky MathMan gets the pleasure of my company and is treated to my hourly fitness updates.  That's why he gets paid the big bucks.

I wake up in the morning and run my hand over my tummy.  "Dude!  Feel this.  There's less there!"

He reaches over to feel because 1. He's a nice guy who is encouraging me all the way on this new lifestyle and 2. If he gets his hand on my tummy, it might just make its way to the neighbors up north or the neighbor down south.

I squirm away just as his hand makes contact because I'm ticklish.  "Wait!  I'll show you!"  I jump out of bed and give him the full frontal.  Juggle my shrinking boobs and then make a muscle to show how my batwings are toning up.

I turn around.  Do a Vanna White hand sweep along my less dimpled thighs.  "Does my butt look smaller?  And how about this?" I squeeze my shrinking love handles.  "And look!  If I put on a bra, you can't see so much back fat!"  I point over my shoulder showing where the dreaded back fat would be.

"That's great, honey," he yawns and puts on his glasses.

I dash away to the bathroom to go wee and do my morning weigh in before anything, not even a drop of water, passes my lips. I glanced at myself in the mirror. I still flinch when I see myself wearing nothing but panties, but I'm happy to note that my waist now goes in instead of out.  For every muffin I've given up, my muffin top has shrunk by one tenth of one centimeter.

It's a definite improvement.

I track my meals and exercise in Sparkpeople so I am aware of how many calories are going in and out.  I'm paying attention to fiber, protein, fat, and carb counts.  I repeat meals because I get tired of putting the foods into the database system.  So what if I eat steel cut oats every morning?

I still have moments when I want something made mostly of refined sugar.  It's not the all consuming madness it used to be, but there are moments of sweets weakness.  I give in if there's something available.  However, a handful of M&Ms results in way fewer cellulite dimples than a giant bag of M&Ms does.  Sometimes when I feel the need to indulge in some emotional eating, I try to use positive reinforcement to redirect my thoughts.  I look in the mirror to see if my excess chinnery is shrinking or I'll take a peak at my thighs and marvel at how they've gotten less onerous.

It's a journey.  I have to remind myself.  As much as I want to be sipping green tea in Skinnyville right now, I'm pleased to at least be on the right road.  Now I need the birds to come along and snap up the breadcrumbs that lead back to Fat and Bad Habitsburg. I don't want to go back there.  As much as I want to blame heredity, I have to admit that nurture plays a large part, too.  People, you do not grow up with parents who put sugar and milk on top of Jello, and swan out into the world with healthy eating habits.

Exercise is another positive change.  I've been working out off and on for a while, but seeing few results.  Now I've ramped up my intensity to the point where I'm feeling it the next day.  I'm a litany of aches and pains.  I've even stepped out of my comfort zone.  Yesterday as MathMan and I entered the gym where I planned to do a few minutes on the elliptical before working my upper body with free weights, the trainer popper her head out of the classroom and suggested in a manner that meant no would not be an option, that I join the step aerobics class that was just getting under way.  I shot MathMan a pleading look and he just shrugged, the sadist.  Turns out, I really like step aerobics.

Like so many things in life, it's about balance.  Or rather about tipping the balance in favor of what's good for you and away from destructive behaviors.  As I sat in the doctor's office today and soaked in the praise for my progress during my first month on the plan, I realized that even though yesterday ended up being kind of a food FAIL, the Mounds bar and cup of black coffee I had for supper were not the end of the world.  Nor would they be my excuse for swinging by the grocery store for cat food and a box of Krispy Kremes like I might have done a month ago.

I came home, teased the cats by putting their food in the cabinet in slow motion then made myself some steel cut oats.

So what are you doing for yourself these days?



41 comments:

  1. Congratulations! I'm glad it's working for you. I wish I could do step aerobics. It wasn't even my knee the one time I tried. I twisted my ankle while doing a turn on the step.

    I would love to get back to traditional aerobics in a few weeks, if the physical therapist says it's okay, but there don't seem to be any classes like that around here any more. Zumba's nice, but there's a break between each song/dance so my heart rate goes down.

    I found jazzercise classes at a community center that's 25 minutes away. The problem is that I'd have to do the 6:15 am one, and I hate getting up before 6.

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  2. Well first I fortified myself with yet another chocolate chip cookie...that is one thing I've done for myself.

    Ok honestly I'm very happy for you, and a bit jealous.

    I've already hit the obese level, likely morbidly obese and I need to get this weight off, or some no doubt.

    I have to fly in Dec, and I needed an extension the last flight, embarrassing, ugh!

    Keep it up Lisa, maybe I need meds!

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  3. Way To Go, Grrrl! Fifteen pounds in a month is GREAT, fast enough to be encouraging but not fast enough to have adverse health effects.

    Me, I took up road biking in August, dropped five pounds and thought I was hot shit, slipping comfortably into 27"-waist jeans...

    Now I have to get motivated to put the weight back on where it belongs!

    Maybe I'll do some before-and-after photos to motivate myself...

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  4. Doing for myself?

    Well, I've created a new identity and new name. I'm hoarding cash for a permanent getaway and I'm learning to speak several languages found only in the Amazon jungle. Plus, my boomerang skills are improving (along with my banjo playing).

    Other than that, not much.

    ... and good for you on your own quest.

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  5. Like I said on Facebook, I am so happy for you. Congrats, Skinny Minny! You inspire me. It is you that inspired me to join WW. Thanks, Lisa. Keep up the good work!!
    xoxo

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  6. After making a crap-load of meatballs and marinara (simmered all day) coupled with whole wheat linguine and garlic rolls and green beans; I opted for some Me-Time.

    Soaking my feet in a nice vat of hot water and bath beads, and watching some mindless crap on the telly should do the trick!

    I lost a bunch of weight after the first of the year, due to geting my thyroid under control.

    Halleluia!

    Before that was addressed, I thought that my skin would literally spilt open, and nothing that I tried alleviated this problem. I guess visiting the doc once in a while is a good thing.

    Do not discount all of the work you have done to achieve this mile stone. I am proud of you!

    :)

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  7. Well, after you get the package I just mailed off yesterday I'll be public enemy number one in your house. Watch the DVD's and let the others eat the fig bomb preserves.

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  8. Congrats. Did your parents really put sugar and milk on jello? I was raised in the same house with my off the boat grandparents. They were Sicilian. I had a great diet growing up. Lots of pasta, greens, some meat, but not every night. Lots of vegetables. And everyone was a great cook. Yeah, I was lucky and I knew it. Nurture is a big deal.

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  9. Congrats. Did your parents really put sugar and milk on jello? I was raised in the same house with my off the boat grandparents. They were Sicilian. I had a great diet growing up. Lots of pasta, greens, some meat, but not every night. Lots of vegetables. And everyone was a great cook. Yeah, I was lucky and I knew it. Nurture is a big deal.

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  10. Congrats. Did your parents really put sugar and milk on jello? I was raised in the same house with my off the boat grandparents. They were Sicilian. I had a great diet growing up. Lots of pasta, greens, some meat, but not every night. Lots of vegetables. And everyone was a great cook. Yeah, I was lucky and I knew it. Nurture is a big deal. Kudos for fighting through.

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  12. Congratulations! There must be something in the air, because I've changed my eating habits as well, and have now lost 20 pounds. It's a drop in the bucket, but like you I'm at least heading in the right direction. I've also pretty much given up diet coke and replaced it with water, drinking around 60 oz a day. I haven't yet started exercising, as the knees and feet are just not starting to not hurt. I'm hoping that after another 20 lbs I can do more.

    My program was suggested by my doctor, who has me eating five small meals a day, heavy on protein and light on carbs and fats. She gave me her cell phone number so I could check in weekly with her. I think the fact that she's gorgeous might be another incentive!

    Keep up the good work!!

    BAC

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  13. You go girl. I am looking forward to just walking again. Keep us posted on your progress.

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  14. yay for you!!! so happy to hear the 'spring' in your voice about feeling and looking good!! (and not being at the mercy of the sugar cravings---weeeeehaw!)

    me? I did another brief juice fast. Been keeping my weight in the range where I want to be. Dancing a lot helps too.

    Argentine tango workshop weekend starting in 2 hours!!!

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  15. For the past 2-1/2 years I've been part of a 12-step group for food addicts. I've lost about 140 lbs, and I still have much more to go. But I've reached a weight I hadn't seen in 21 years. I feel like a new person. (Lisa, a couple of old pics are on FB, if you want to see the old/new me). It feels pretty amazing.

    I did the fen/phen thing years ago until they found out the fen was ruining people's heart valves. I didn't know the phen was still available.

    So that's what I've been doing for myself. Congrats!

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  16. Way to go!! When does the Princess Lisa diet video hit the market?

    I've taken an opposite approach. I stopped dieting, no longer count calories, and eat whatever foods I want. But I do it in moderation. I have an open pint of B&J Cherry Garcia in the freezer that I opened in early August. I also drink a glass of water before each meal. In the last five years, I've dropped from 330 to 280.

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  17. Just reading of all your hard work was exhausting. I think I burned 100 calories. Maybe I need to read you every single day as my diet!

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  18. i am so happy for you, knowing how it feels to do the squirrel game no matter what season it is...now i am under weight and it's almost as bad as the other way around but that aside, be well, my dear, think healthy and fit and long life to come!! i'm smiling for the first time today :)
    xx

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  19. So happy for your progress! I miss taking step class. Between my knees and compressed disc my PT said no to that one.

    I went astray for a week or two and am now getting back off sugar again. I know what you mean about repeating meals because it it easier for journaling!

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  20. 15 pounds is nothing to sneeze at--good job!! :)

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  21. It's really good for you to share your progress and setbacks with us. Getting out of shape is a slow gradual process and so it is a slow gradual process to reverse as well. I think your willingness to share your process is brave and you are quite the role model.

    When I finish getting my MLS I am going to join the Y again because I need to lift weights to keep my muscle tone. That is my plan anyway :)

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  22. I've always walked a lot anyway and fidgety seems to be part of my personal profile. Nevertheless, I think I need some strength training and can't find a tap dance class right now. Any ideas?

    btw - Many congrats but you've always been beautiful.

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  23. Good for you. I wish you success in reaching a healthy weight and staying there.

    xo

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  24. Lisa, congratulations on your weight loss! I'm happy for you. It's very exciting to lose weight because it's such concrete transformation!

    Like Magdalene, I also work a 12-step program for my weight problem. Ten years ago I went from 211 pounds down to my present 130 or so and have stayed here. The most amazing miracle in all that time? I've never once wanted any of my binge foods again. No willpower, no resistance, no white knuckling. After 25 years of watching my weight climb and climb out of sight, this has been a miracle.

    And today, for me, I haven't done anything but I'm about to work on my book. I swear.

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  25. CONGRATS!!!!

    I gained weight on vacation (that Maine trip) and I've done nothing to lose the weight since returning.

    I need to.

    Okay, off to stuff my face with chocolate chip pancakes the husband just made...

    (is that bad?)

    Again...CONGRATS! Yo've inspired me...starting tomorrow. ;)

    Love,
    me

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  26. Awesome! Once you get on a roll, it's easy to stick with a new program, isn't it? Takes perseverance to reach your goal, so if you ever start feeling weak, shoot me an email!

    I'm doing a bunch of things for myself these days. Kind of making it a spa experience while I'm still unemployed. There's elliptical, reclining bike, free weights, pool, reading, meditation (when I can quiet this mind), eating right, walking the 'hood, and of course, writing. I'd love to do some yoga, so I may add that in.

    What would make my last hurrah as an unemployed chick awesome is a week-long trip to the mountains where I could watch the leaves turn and fall. And get a long, happy back rub. Alas, that ain't about to happen. (sigh)

    Keep up the good work, girl. See ya in a couple months maybe.

    Hugs,
    K*

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  27. Congratulations, Lisa! What a great - and inspirational - post.

    Cheers!

    :-) Anna

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  28. Keep up the good work, Lisa. May the payoffs be sweeter than the M & M's.

    ;>)

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  29. For myself? Does switching to diet caffeine count?

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  30. I am so proud of you!

    We joined the gym 2 months ago, and I haven't lost a pound. I'm not discouraged, though. I lost 4.5 INCHES off my waist. I'm apparently just a sturdy girl.

    Oh, I'm also signing up for my 1st 5K....on 11/20!

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  31. Congratulations! I am so impressed. Maybe I should try that diet drug...I have been doing a bit better myself - lost about 5 lbs. just because I am cooking (healthy food) at home more often instead of going out. But much more needs to be done! That's great you have been able to stick to it and also exercise. That has to be the next step for me too.

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  32. Lisa, GOOD FOR YOU!!! You rock. Maybe now I'll get inspired...

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  33. Go you! Your health is a wonderful gift to yourself.

    My gift to myself is playing guitar in hopes of improving (I'm proud of my calluses!).

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  34. Lisa- Congrats on the loss, and more than that, the ATTITUDE--that is so big. I've struggled with my weight since about age 14, so I hear you all around. I'm glad you have a loving, supportive spouse, and the gym stuff is FABULOUS (I love step aerobics, too, but my only workout time is in pre-dawn hours, so haven't been to one in years) Today is Monday, and it is TIME for me to get back on track.

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  35. Congratulations! 15 pounds IS a lot of weight to loose. Keep up all the hard work! I bet it feels GREAT to wear clothes you haven't been able to wear in three years. Good for you!

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  36. That's wonderful! Congratulations!

    Most of us are vegetarians in my house, and one of the things my kids love is color. Veggies are pretty. We plan our meals with a rainbow-colored plate in mind. It works well as long as the food comes by its color naturally - but the little guy keeps trying to sneak Jell-o in there!

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  37. Way to go Lisa. Woohoo you! I'm actually doing the same thing. Last year I joined weightwatchers and lost more than 30 pounds. This year I put 15 of them back on, and I've been really struggling to get them off again. I can't afford to do weightwatchers, and anyway, I KNOW what to do. I'm remembering the rewards in putting on those clothes I hadn't worn in years.

    You're being an inspiration pal. Thanks for that.

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  38. I'm your opposite. Totally. In every way. The only thing that keeps me slim is having type 1 diabetes. I swear it. I CAN'T pig out or I go into a coma, so the choice is simple.

    I have always hated being diabetic, but the truth is that it has kept me from being as fat as a pig and that's the harsh truth.

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  39. I'm late to the party but this is great!

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  40. good work Lisa. remember the magic word, 'sustainability'.

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