Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Day After

Dellinger Park Color Edit, originally uploaded by Lisa Golden.
Thank you all so much for the birthday wishes! The day was a blur of well wishes, laughs, UPS fantasies, calls and chats, cards and chocolate cake.

I realize that I'm a huge disappoint to some of you, but one of the highlights of my day was getting into bed between freshly ironed sheets. While I didn't do any work on the manuscript yesterday, I did some meditative ironing as I considered some changes I want to make to that work in progress. I had to bat away thoughts about the next book I want to write. Focus, focus...

I made up for my domestic indulgence by playing drinking games with the cats. Those felines can put away the whiskey when they're drinking competitively. We watched a rerun of Jersey Shores and every time someone got bleeped, you had to drink. I ended up wasted on a combination of what was left in the liquor cabinet, a quarter cup of Marsala wine and a shot or two of cooking sherry with an expiration date of 1997.

I'm probably on the Queen's shit list because I totally forgot to call her back to tell her I wouldn't be coming to tea. In my inebriated state, I did manage to drunk dial three old boyfriends and my Senators' offices. I think I'm supposed to be making a large donation to some conservative cause. Good thing I told them I was Rachel Maddow. They'll never call her office to follow up.

MathMan and Nate arrived home bringing with them a decadent chocolate cake. The annual fight over who would have the privilege of torturing me by scrawling my age in frosting across the top of the fudgey confection broke out, I screamed obscenities and threatened to run away from home, a plate was smashed in the ensuing melee, fire broke out when some whiskey reeking cat jumped up on the counter and yawned next to the 45 blazing candles and then Happy Birthday was sung in double time.

The cake was delicious. Kroger, you done good. We just worked around the flecks of melted wax, cat hair and fire extinguisher foam.

Things eventually settled down. MathMan got to work writing some kind of math test, Nate and Sophie ridiculed the television program they were watching and I went back to thanking people for their birthday wishes while I secretly tried to reconstruct a couple of those drunk dialed phone convos. Had I really told that one guy about what my mother had said about him? I was going to have to send an apology for sure.  Maybe some flowers.  Wait.  No. That would seem like a dig.  A gift card to The Bass Pro Shop.  Yeah, that would sooth my conscience and reinforce his masculinity.  Damn my mother and her opinions anyway.

MathMan stood, stretched, said something about being tired and walked into the bathroom. "Honey?" He opened the door a smidge and stuck his head out.

"Yes?" I looked up from the laptop.

"Why is there a UPS uniform hanging on the back of the door?"

How is your Tuesday shaping up? Ever drunk dialed anyone?  And what happened to the UPS guy?


  1. I feel guilty because you leave such good comments and all I can think of is: I like this! At least imagine me with my scuba gear glasses from junior high and big, puffy twists on either side of my head. (You can imagine head gear but thankfully God had mercy and didn't saddle me with bad teeth to match my eyes.)

  2. Happy Day After Your Birthday!

    You're so right about not calling Rachel back.

    So was the UPS guy cute?

  3. Who HASN'T Drunk Dialed? They need to be forcefed whiskey and given a phone and numbers to three old boyfriends.


  4. The UPS guy is hiding behind some boxes in the garage.

  5. OK, first off, you never disappoint me.

    Tuesday is shaping out to really suck. The alarm went off this morning and my better half told me she was calling in sick, so once again I get to spend the day at work while she lays around the house. Then I see my boss around 8 this morning and he acts like everyone he loves just died (Mr. Personality!)

    No, I've never drunk dialed someone (as far as I can remember. There may have been a time or two that I don't remember anything I've done.)

  6. P.S. The UPS guy is probably at my house.

  7. and this is why i have you added to my list of daily reads. you're welcome.

  8. Happy belated, lovely!

    Sounds like a fun and bizarre day--the chocolate cake (minus cat hair, of course) is just what you need.

  9. well, sounds like a perfectly good evening to me :)

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  11. Like a rhombus, no, you buried him in the basement.

  12. The UPS guy lent his uniform for you and Mathman to engage in a little role-play(or os that roll-play?) You little devil!

    How ever did you talk him out of it?

    This post was great!

  13. I love the way you talk about housework as a sort of holy task, something that gives time for the waters of creativity to bubble up. I think that if your novel(s) capture your true voice, that amazing ability to mesmerize with a reference to "meditative ironing," then they will sell big. You are a waaay better writer than I think you give yourself credit.

  14. *snickersnort* You have that UPS man tied up naked in your basement, don't you? I love the drinking games with the cats, but damn them, they can hold their liquor.

  15. Oh I missed your birthday! It sounded like a good one. Tom and I drunk texted our kids during our anniversary trip. My daughter was none too pleased with her dad's tmi messages! Hope the UPS uni fit Mathman and you had moe fun after dessert.

  16. I've had to give up the drinking contests with Crow because, as my dad used to say, he seems to have a hollow leg.

    Our former ups driver told me one time his company kept track of him as well as the packages. I wonder if there are satellite images of your meeting?

  17. Belated Happy Birthday! :) As always I loved your post! They always make me laugh and send those endorphins soaring! lol

  18. PS: I am totally going to play that drinking game the next time I watch The Jersey Shore!

  19. Happy post-birthday! I hope you are continuing to celebrate. I used to celebrate for a week. This year I am going for a whole month.
    p.s. My UPS guy is a wimp. He is afraid of Lily. Need I say more?

  20. Marsala wine and cooking sherry - what a way to get stewed.


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