Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Not (De)electable


Recently, someone suggested I run for office.  I scoffed at the idea.  I offered a laundry list of reasons why I could never run for office.  I'd listed ten reasons on the alphabetical list and I was only on the reasons beginning with the letter A.

I couldn't possibly put my family or myself through that kind of thing.  The scrutiny would be horrible.  That was the summation of why I dismissed the idea out of hand.

Can you imagine the political ads my opponent would run?

(Fade in)
This photo will come on the screen...

Dudes, do you remember the days when I was growing out my gray? Yikes.
(Female disembodied voice speaking in ominous tones)
Lisa Golden wants to represent you in Congress, but does she really represent you?  She's the founder of the Parenting School of Benign Neglect.  She got her start as a liberal political blogger.  She was once a community organizer, now she's unemployed.  She worked in the non-profit sector so she's probably a socialist, a communist or both.  She and her husband have been separated twice.  She's never fired anyone nor has she employed undocumented workers. She doesn't ask and she doesn't tell.  She makes tasteless jokes and is on record using the F word about Wall Street. She had an abortion in college.  She's a rape survivor who was probably asking for it.  She's married to a Jew and once lived with a Muslim.  Her sister used to call her The United Nations.  She completes those ACLU surveys and mails them back.  She doesn't go to church or pray.  She doesn't even believe in God.  She has a degree in French.  She might even be a witch.  She once owned a Ouija Board, you know.

On the First Tuesday in November, tell Lisa Golden not just no, but hell no!

This ad approved by (insert name) and the Fox News Network.

Yeah..........no.  But thanks.

However, I've been thinking about something my friend PeNolan wrote last week about how liberals really need to consider finding female candidates who can compete with the Sarah Palins and Christine O'Donnells on a beauty contest level.  PeNolan is on to something.  If it's true that pretty girls get away with more then perhaps there is something I could use to counteract my opponent's scare tactics.

Elect Lisa Golden to Congress.....


Because if we're going to have boobs in Congress, they may as well be good boobs.

Would you ever run for office?  Or have you already? Would you ever post a photo of yourself in a bra? Aren't you dying to dress up as a goth?

33 comments:

  1. Lisa 2012

    And btw - I LOVE the bra!

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  2. haha -- it's that degree in French that would ultimately be your undoing in the press! I think similar thoughts every time I read about someone's distant past being dredged up as news. Everybody does something stupid at 20; that's our time to make mistakes and to learn from them. It's our time to be experimental & wild and to try out life. As long as it's not malicious or sadistic wildness, okay.

    OTOH, events happen in a lot of women's lives that society would like to consider bad and shameful: rape, abortion, divorce, multiple marriages, public assistance. And as time goes on, I see that these things have occurred to many more of us than was previously realized. But most of the things society would like to consider shameful have societal causes, so best not say anything about that part; it's easier to blame. The more we talk to each other and write and share, the less some of these things will be considered shameful. Of course, one can NEVER shake off that community organizer label....

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  3. Go Lisa! I'll put your bumper sticker on my car.

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  4. "She's never fired anyone nor has she employed undocumented workers. She doesn't ask and she doesn't tell. "

    In some places, those would be pluses.

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  5. All you need is a good campaign manager ... ya know, someone to write clever sound bites, show family pictures and who will tell your progressive plans in plain talk English.

    The personal stuff you mention is simply "college stuff"... just consider what Evil McCain did while at the Navy Academy (and later too) or what Dufus George did up until he was appointed. You're virginal and pristine by comparison.

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  6. I think me in a bra wouldn't work in a campaign ad. Except for an opponent.

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  7. You have my vote. Can you imagine any man in the world voting against a D-cup??

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  8. You continue to crack me up.

    And you win my vote. I love how you imagined your opponent seeing you (and actually, it makes you more appealing and human!).

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  9. We could be the boobie ticket - I will be your VP with DD's. ;)

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  10. having a degree in french would be a plus here in NB (only bilingual province in the country--oh yeah like we can really afford dual everything).have a great day!!

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  11. Hysterical! I think we need MORE people like you in office. Why do the smart ones never wanna do it???
    You have my (Canadian) vote!
    B

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  12. I would TOTALLY vote for you, though should probably warn you that an endorsement from the woman leading the Naked World Domination campaign might have some risks to it. Probably I would have SUCCEEDED by now if I had better boobs.

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  13. I'd vote for you! I don't have much to put in a bra so no there. I wouldn't run for office either. I DO dress up goth and love it.

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  14. I'd vote for you.

    Do you know anything about Boris Johnson, the London Mayor?
    He has a colorful personal life, and is both mad and madcap, but he's so intelligent and funny -- and he just manages to get away with it. He did Classics at Oxford; not French, but close enough!

    Your main PR problem is that you are too open about who you are; what about the obligatory hypocrisy?

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  15. Dear Candidate Golden,

    Your honesty is refreshing. And unusual. Oh, wait, I mean, your honesty is unheard of.

    You have my vote.

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  16. Dear Candidate Golden,

    Your honesty is refreshing. And unusual. Oh, wait, I mean, your honesty is unheard of.

    You have my vote.

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  17. My C-cups were never more disappointing.

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  18. I would vote for you! Especially because we are both French majors. Hey, did you see that story about the SUNY Albany? They are getting rid of the French department, since studying French is obviously useless.

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  19. The smart ones who have lived life outside a bubble don't want to run for office because they know all that stuff will get thrown in their faces. If we could all just admit our stuff and get it out in the open, we would be better off and have to spend less time on all these "scandals" that get dredged up.

    I wish I had taken a photo of my boobs in a lacey bra back when they looked good like yours!

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  20. O - Thanks! It's pretty, but the lace itches.
    Mbarnato - I figured that degree in French would be my worst indiscretion.
    Susan Tiner - I'll have to have some bumper stickers printed up. After a bit of airbrushing.
    D - I'd have to move out of Georgia, wouldn't I?
    Will - Judging by the reaction here on the blog, I guess you were right.
    Geoffrey - I can't picture you in a black bra. Red maybe.
    LBR - You make a good point!
    Hannah - Thanks! I think our system would be better off if people just cleared the air right away. Then we could get busy talking about issues.
    Mommy Lisa - You're hired!
    poet - The French degree isn't a liability everywhere? There is hope! And hi!
    Barbara - Thanks! We should allow Canadians to vote here, too. I'll add that to my campaign platform.

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  21. Hart - My campaign would fully support Naked World Domination.
    B in Black - Thanks! I'm glad I can count on you. And I can just picture you as a goth.
    Bee - I hadn't heard of the Mayor. He sounds like a role model for me. As for that hypocrisy, how about if I promise to buy an SUV and disavow French Vanilla ice cream?
    Fragrant Liar - I'm glad I can count on you! And here I thought my honesty would be my ruin.
    Glasseye - It's a big bra, I mean tent. We welcome all sizes.
    Juli - Thanks! And thank you for sharing that link about SUNY Albany. How sad that we're killing off the Humanities.
    Susan - I agree with you about just bringing out the truth and moving beyond the scandals. And that black bra of mine gets the credit for those breasts looking the way they do.

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  22. I would vote for you BECAUSE you are "the founder of the Parenting School of Benign Neglect." ahahahhah!

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  23. No way. Never. Yeah I just might. Not so much.

    (But I'd vote for you!)

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  24. Well, your campaign photo (the bood shot, natch) would insure that you would at the least come in a close second. The problem is if you won. Wold you really want to be around the assholes who inhabit a typical legislative body? Think about it.

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  25. You little piker.
    Ya got nuthing on me when it comes to investigating back ground activities.
    I remember your little sign stealing post and I laughed my ass off.
    That fucker would have been in my front room the same day.


    So, did ya get some on yer birthday?

    Don't forget, a good throat coating makes the Math Man a happy camper.

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  26. I've read a couple of comments on political sites asking why Americans don't vote for Ralph Nader. What occurred to me is why haven't Americans come up with younger candidates with similar ideals? Since everything about you is upfront and open, why not you?

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  27. I'm still reeling from the last time you turned me into a newt. I'm voting for the other witch, Frenchie!

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  28. Now that you got everything out in the open, you SHOULD run. There's nothing left to hold over your head... or is there??? :)

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  29. I've been arrested in three states, have posted photos of myself in a bra, and if dressing all in black and shaving my head count, I might already BE a goth.

    I hope that answers your question.

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  30. Oh, if I was young enough to I would LOVE to be goth! :)

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  31. I would never run for government office. NEVER. I was a frigging idiot when I was in college.

    I never lived with a Muslim, but I briefly dated one. Surprisingly, my relationship with a Colombian Lawyer caused more of a stir. [He was *gasp* CATHOLIC!]

    As a DD, I willingly offer to be part of your Security Force. This, in honesty, will extend as far as the kitchen....where I will proceed to bake like a madwoman...while singing show tunes with my Fabulous Cousin J.

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  32. Not only would they drag out any & all dirt, but I might be too honest. Drilling questions about all the minutia... I'd be tempted to say "Look, I don't have all the answers, and anyone who claims to is bullshitting."
    All I know is that my family could really use that $60,000 annual salary & that's why *I* should be county commissioner.

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  33. Hey, I could use a bumper sticker; AND some air-brushing!

    I would totally vote for you. In a heartbeat!


    ;)

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And then you say....

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