Friday, November 19, 2010

Traitorous Cats and Poisonous Cough Drops

Photo source

Someone asked me where I find the inspiration to write here day after bloody day.

I wouldn't call it inspiration so much as an exercising* of demons. Or perhaps it's the manifestation of the internal Keystone Cops reel that plays through my head to the soundtrack of Khachaturian's Sabre Dance, the circus march and Britannica Spearsorelli's Oops, I Did It Again.

You might be surprised at the number of these posts that come to me as I scoop clumps and tootsie rolls from litter boxes.  Then again, maybe surprise isn't what you're feeling at all.

Mostly, things just come to me and I run them through the bloggability filter which is, admittedly, full of holes.   I pretty much go with whatever nonsense has shaken itself loose from the folds of my brain.

Take, for example, yesterday morning.  I awoke with a sales pitch for some unknown gadget looping inside my head.  It appeared between the time the alarm went off and the time I finally shoved MathMan's leg off me and stumbled to the bathroom.

"It will protect you from your spouse's wrath, the grating whines of your children, your mother's icy glare, your father's indifference, natural disasters, grizzly bear attacks, the plague and the mind numbing effects of reality TV.  In fact, the only thing it won't protect you from is a great sale's pitch!  And Sarah Palin.  Which might actually be the same thing."

And we wonder how things like ShamWow! happen.

Having the cats around provides some inspiration, too.  Did I tell you that they read the advance copy of former President George W. Bush's memoir Decision Points and decided that they like him now?  Yeah.  They think he is hysterical with all that joking about his father's black testicles and spoofs on torture. Traitorous felines.

Since it's far easier to organize against a common enemy than it is to organize for something, even something as noble as Peace, they've disbanded the Pussies for Peace.  Instead of discussing the horrors of war, they submit requests for TV time to watch the former President in all those hilarious interviews.

Still, they are cats.  Aside from a small number of things they can agree on - the fact that they are always hungry and never fed enough, for example, and their new affection for W. - they remain ever catlike in their lack of cooperation.

You should have heard the ruckus as they tried to organize a reenactment of a Brat Pack movie.  First, they couldn't decide which movie and scene to do.  Some of them advocated for the Sitting Around in a Circle and Spilling Our Guts scene from The Breakfast Club.  Another faction wanted to do the Demi Moore Rocking Herself in the Empty Room with the Creepy Clown Head and Gossamer Curtains Blowing in that Crazy Georgetown Wind scene from St. Elmo's Fire.

Some of them were concerned that our wind machine wouldn't do the Demi Moore scene justice.  They tried to drag me into it by asking my opinion, but my voice was drowned out when things got physical after one of them threatened to boycott the whole Brat Pack idea if he couldn't play Frank Sinatra's part.

On the other hand, being sick wasn't such an inspiration.  When I wasn't whining to myself and poking lethargically at my keyboard as I shopped online to invest the last bits of my unemployment insurance on things like the Bradford Exchange's anticipated Prince William and Kate Middleton commemorative wedding plate and making donations to political candidates, I lay in bed counting the bumps on the flocked ceiling until I got to that one bump that sticks out more than the rest of them.  I always get hung up there and have to start over.

It wasn't a complete waste of time.  I entertained deep thoughts, as well.  Like how are we going to become energy independent?  What are we going to do about campaign finance reform, job creation, energy and the environment, ending the war, equality for everyone, doing away with those horrible "free" trade agreements that have been ruinous to our economy, and rebuilding the nation's infrastructure.   If you take a step back, you realize that they are all related.  So where does one begin?

I toyed with the idea that we could innovate our energy production by converting snot, a renewable and widely distributed resource, into green energy. No pun intended so stop looking at me that way.  Maybe sucking on cough drops that I found at the back of the medicine cabinet wasn't such a good idea.  They were in their wrappers inside the bag.  Those expiration dates aren't real, are they?  exp. 11/2001 is just a "framework" for freshness, right?  They more or less worked.  Instead of sounding like an eighty year old consumptive, I sound like a forty-five year old consumptive.

Small steps to improvement.

Have a wonderful, healthy weekend, gang. 

*I meant that.


  1. Treadmills *are* demonic.

    Were they tasty cough drops?

  2. Why do we take on the world's problems at night? Like we can do anything from THAT position!

  3. yeah, my brain works oddly too. :) make today GREAT~

  4. Keep at those cough drops. I once fell asleep with a zinc cough drop in my mouth and it was glued to the roof of my mouth when I woke up. HIDEOUS. Shudder.

    Hope you are feeling better. I wish you a weekend of rejuvenation and strange firings of neurons! :)

  5. I miss my cat.

    Have a good weekend too. Feel better.

  6. Having the cats around provides some inspiration, too. Did I tell you that they read the advance copy of former President George W. Bush's memoir Decision Points and decided that they like him now?

    Speaking as an expert, no self-respecting cat could possibly like the Crawford CATastrophe unless tortured.

    You might be surprised at the number of these posts that come to me as I scoop clumps and tootsie rolls from litter boxes.

    About my box... You missed a chunk. ;-)

  7. But what if you don't need toned demons?

  8. Sorry you're still sucking. Cough drops that is. You still have your sense of humor intact, so I'm not going to call the EMTs on ya.

    Get better, and hope to see you soon.

  9. Your cats have such interesting lives. Felice is such a quiet thing in comparison.

  10. At least you didn't find the coughdrops in the litter box.

  11. Aw, I will miss the Pussies for Peace.

    Hope you're feeling better soon, Lisa!

  12. Igor just asked me yesterday where I got my inspiration. I was sort of baffled by the question. I think, if you are a writer, everything seems like a source of material. I am happy that you are so prolific. I love reading what you write.
    Hope you feel better soon, lovely.xo

  13. Yeah, I once was inspired ... turned out to be gas from a spicy burrito.

  14. I always love a good stream of consciousness post!

  15. Lisa- I am smuggling virtual tea and soup and cuddling and tissue picking upping and solutions to all the world's problems in this snuggie o' mine. TSA better not take it from me when I hijack the wrong plane over to Atlanta on Tuesday and if they do, it better get me off.

  16. I think your invention might be ear plugs ... except for that part about grizzly bears and the plague. I don't think they'd help you there.

  17. If only anger and aggravation could be harvested as an energy source. Even better would be laughter and if that were so you'd set for life.

  18. Well hells bells.
    Nancy Pelosi vowed to keep the unemployment benefit extension ON the table.
    Nancy & that table talk is pretty reliable.

  19. This is like a Zen koan. The cats help. Have a great weekend, and don't toss MathMan's leg off too hard, you might want it back there real soon.

  20. I love your posts! I hope you are feeling tip top for the Thanksgiving holiday. :) I miss having no pets - they really are a source of inspiration! :)

  21. I've been lacking in the inspirational department lately. Maybe I should go out and buy a kitten?

  22. Hope you're feeling better! {{{hug}}}

  23. Lisa, you are so freakin' talented--what a fun blog post! :) I love your writing. :)

    I just caught up on your recent blog posts...and I also have to say that it makes me SO MAD when our politicians are so out of touch with us common folks. I hope and pray that your financial situation improves dramatically soon...I hope you can sell your book, etc.! :) You deserve it!

  24. Lisa, it always cracks me up when you anthropomorphize the cats.


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