Miles and miles in my barefeet

I know, I know. It looks like slacking. But what if I told you I'm about 100 pages away from completing the revisions on my novel? That I plan to have the work done by Wednesday. And when that's done, I'm sending it out to a couple of readers for feedback and then the search for an agent begins in earnest. And one of those fuckers amazing  people better like this damn book enough to take me on as a client or I'm going to start copping an attitude when people ask me what I do all day.

What do you mean, what have I been doing? I've been working damn hard, thank you. A novel doesn't write itself, you know. Just like a lawn doesn't mow itself, a resume doesn't submit itself, dinner doesn't prepare itself and laundry sure as hell doesn't put itself away.

Did you ever notice how closing the deal on laundry is the hardest part? You wash it, dry it, and fold it, but everyone else thinks it's a huge fucking inconvenience to jam it into a drawer or hang it the hell up.

Which reminds me - I'm very ready for everyone to get back to school so I can have some peace and quiet after high noon. Sophie and MathMan are back to it, but Nate and Chloe remain.

Meanwhile, my new parenting mantra has become "Don't be an asshole, y'all." Charming, right? It's got its good points. It's concise. It's solid advice. No one likes an asshole, no matter what they may say to the asshole's face. I came up with that mantra a couple of days ago when the kids were conducting a reenactment of a Session of Congress.

"Don't be an asshole, y'all," I shouted from where I sat chewing my thumbnail and trying to come up with another word for wormhole.

"Mom! Nathan is acting like a Tea Partier. He won't compromise!" I'm not sure which daughter that was. They sound so alike these days.

"Don't be an asshole, Nate!"

He started to boo me, but I shut the door with my foot (my desk is strategically placed) and opened my email. It was high time someone told my Congressman Phil Gingrey (R - Dipshitville) to not be an asshole.

And besides that little foray into some high-minded parenting, I've pretty much been pointy nose to the grindstone. I am so ready to finish this book and move on to the next glacial project that I'm willing to let a bit of life pass me by while I type, type, backspace, type.

Anyway, I'm sorry I haven't been here or at your place leaving comments. I hate being all focused and out of touch, but it's better than being an asshole. I think.


What's your mantra?