Tuesday, October 25, 2011

And dance by the light of the moon

I'm an incurable romantic. As such, I'm also an inveterate matchmaker. If you let me know directly or indirectly that you're looking, my wheels are turning.

My record on matchmaking is decent. I'm no Yenta, but I do okay. The truth is, I only stick my pointy nose in when I'm confident about my ideas for the potential couple. That keeps my averages up.

One of the themes of my work in progress (WIP) is how would life be different if you'd never existed. As one of the characters in the story says, "Like It's a Wonderful Life and you're George Bailey but there's no Clarence The Angel. Or Mr. Potter."

Yes, something very much like that.

In 1998, I worked with a single, gorgeous, interesting young woman who was having a hard time meeting guys who suited her. At the same time, my husband  had a colleague who I found just as interesting as my coworker. I thought they'd make a great match.

Their wedding was beautiful. It was one of the most interesting wedding I've ever attended because it combined elements of two different cultural traditions. If you've never seen a sari as a wedding dress, you don't know what you're missing. I'll never forget the colors of that wedding.

So why am I thinking of that today?

Well, I saw on Facebook that their second child was born yesterday and I was reminded that our existence leaves tiny imprints more than we realize.

Is it just me being a ridiculous narcissist or have you thought about this? What would be different if you'd never existed?


  1. I love this! Like you, I'm incurable. I spent so long miserable, in relationships that were good enough, that when I met someone who couldn't get enough of my wanting, who pushed me daily to make my daydreams become tangible, I became ridiculous in also wanting that for everyone I love.

    There's no reason to fight for extraordinary. Reason has nothing to do with it.

  2. I love matchmaking too. I LOVE that picture :)

  3. This is all about me. Where is my boyfriend? Please? NOW is so the time, don't you think? And clearly, you are very good at this.

  4. I used to be a pretty enthusiastic match maker but it never worked out, not even once, so I retired.

    If I never existed my kids wouldn't be here. That seems weird right there.

  5. OK... see what you can do for me.....I need someone about 5'5" to 5'8", politically liberal, must like football, beer, cheese...has to enjoy bad jokes and wild sex. Must live within four blocks of Oblio'a Bar. Hair color, boob size, eye color unimportant. Someone who makes great scrambled eggs and pizza would be a plus.

    see what you can do for before Xmas. Thanks for your prompt attention &stuff.

  6. oh oh oh.... and like Jimmy Stewart movies,folk music, painting my toenails,pickled herring, Swedish meatballs,Roller Derby and climbing mountains.

    Hey, you don't think I was asking too much, ya know, with that 'liking bad jokes' thing... I don't want to sound picky.

  7. Lyra - I should have known you shared my incurable status!

    Elisabeth - Thanks! You should see that little stone house. It's like something out of a story.

    Alecto - This IS all about you. I could be better than Match.com. Let's get to work.

    Susan - That's the first thing I think about, too. My kids.

    Okjimm - I'm already working the angles although the proximity to Oblios might be an issue.

  8. You're such a ridiculous narcissist but take said insult with a grain of salt since I'm a curable romantic.

    What would be different? If you're not one of my kids, probably not all that much.

  9. I think this is an interesting question--we impact people in the weirdest ways.

    I'm so hesitant to fix people up--always nervous and protective of people's hearts. My husband is more like you--he gets a good feeling about people and wants them to meet.

    Regarding the effects we have on other people--it's often without us realizing it. I think of Rebecca Skloot (she wrote the great book about Henrietta Lacks), and in her opening she talks about where her fascination with this topic came from---a biology class in community college when she was 16---a professor she didn't know that well mentioned it in class and she scribbled "Henrietta Lacks" into her notebook. Now that she wrote this book, 20 years later, she talked about sending this professor a copy of the book with a note: "Sorry that my extra credit project is a little late!" That professor had no idea she was stewing over this concept...I love that.

  10. My two beautiful daughters would be someone else. That is, their mom, Pagan Sphinx, is brilliant and passionately eclectic, so I imagine that they'd still be fine additions to the zeitgeist, but they wouldn't be quite who they are.

    And I'm totally smitten by who they've become, and can't bear thinking about not having them in the world, just as they are.

    Boy, if you thought your take on your place in the world was narcissistic...


  11. Every time I try to imagine the world without me I smuggle myself back in so I can look. It's an impossible task.

    We must remember that small things make a difference. A smile or a kind word from any one of us could already have changed the world or may do so tomorrow.

  12. if i didnt exist that would have been one less child for my parents to feed, maybe mom wouldn't be in such a financial pinch right now. the music i wrote never would have been sung, but my music partner most likely would be singing, my spouse would have married someone else but no one nearly as eye opening, more suburban likely. his children would be cute but not as beautiful, and i know that at least 3 of my former students would have most likely attempted and possibly succeeded at killing themselves if i weren't here. and maybe a friend or two as well. I also would not have had the chance to know love that burns so like flame and yet...the world would still have turned without knowing.

  13. My couple I pulled together - he proposed on a mountain in Europe 9 months after they met!

  14. "yenta"? funny, you don't look jewish. continue...

  15. Nice work, Buffalo Girl. The WIP is sounding good too.

  16. Beautiful.

    I've known people like you. It's a talent, for sure, to bring people together.

    If I didn't exist, I'm confident there would be way more crumbs in the world. If there's one thing I am, it's a sweeper.

  17. The biggest difference if I never existed would be the world deprived of my daughters. We can't have that, now can we?

  18. Awwww, heart all warm and melty! So beautiful. And, yes, true true TRUE. (I love matchmaking too, but have no weddings or babies to speak of yet)

  19. Okay Lisa, I herby appoint you to find someone for ME to date.

  20. Aight, I'm looking.

  21. Oh Yenta, Yenta!
    I'm glad to say I know I've made a difference to many people. I once stayed with a friend when she was feeling suicidal. Who knows? Sometimes we all just smile at strangers and make a difference.

  22. I shot a couple of Indian weddings, and you're right--they're absolutely beautiful. The families are so warm, so happy, all dancing to that strange exotic music. And the color!


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