Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Is this an instrument of communication or torture?

Before I became interested in watching IU basketball, I had the good sense to stay out of the room or at least occupy myself with other activities while MathMan sat glued to the television during sporting events. I cannot tell you the number of White Sox baseball games I've ironed through.

In fact, if you were to do a little window peeping while I do domestic duties while MathMan watched sports, you'd think you were looking at Ward and June Cleaver. If Ward and June got handsy with each other in front of Wally and the Beaver and seasoned their conversation with the occasional utterance of the word fuck.

Anyway, MathMan forgot that it's best to make oneself scarce while one's spouse is indulging in a bit of televised pleasure. And thus, that is how I ended up taking notes during the last episode of Season 2 of Downton Abbey. I'm hooked. MathMan was lukewarm, tepid, sorry he'd agreed to let me watch the program in the bedroom where he normally cloisters himself to watch whatever he wants on Sunday nights.

Disclaimer #1 Possible spoilers for the Christmas special aired on Sunday, February 19, 2012 so please don't read unless you want to risk it.

Disclaimer #2 Despite his use of the pejorative puss, MathMan is a relatively evolved man. I mean, it took me only two days to get him to understand the value of putting down the toilet seat. Besides that, I do believe he was sending me subliminal signals. Either he wanted to get some or he thought I should feed the cats. 

MM: I like her, too.
Me: Daisy, the maid? She's cute, isn't she?
MM: Yeah. She cleans, too.

MM: Who gets the ruby in the Christmas pudding? (Remark based on Hercule Poirot's The Theft of the Royal Ruby)

MM:  He's a douchebag. A huge douchebag. And the other guy's a puss.

MM: So what? Does Maggie Smith have a contract so that she's in everything made in England?

MM:  I think someone is going to punch him before it's over. (re: Sir Richard)

MM:  What are you doing?
Me: Taking notes of your commentary.
MM:  Oh, I see how it is.
Me: I don't think you do.

MM:  What's the point of watching this if it's going to be so predictable?

MM:  Which Sybil is pregnant? One, two, three, four, five or seven?

MM:  Is the stuffy guy (Sir Richard)  her fiance?
Me:  Yes.
MM: That's a dumbass move.

MM: Someone's going to get shot for sure.

MM:  She's not going to marry that clown.

MM:  Wasn't he part of some Monty Python skit?

MM:  I feel like this is an episode of Poirot without the murder. You know which one I'm talking about.
Me: The Mystery of Hunter's Lodge
MM:  I guess. Yeah, that's the one.

MM:  The only drama is if the pretty woman marries the dumbass.

MM:  Wasn't that on the Young Ones? Sir Something Old Fart? What was that? That's who Sir Richard is.
Me: Sir Boring Old Fart
MM:  That's it!

MM: He shouldn't have given her that dumb pussy speech in the graveyard because now he's feeling bad because now she's going to marry that dumbass.

MM:  (regarding Matthew) Now he's going to get in trouble with his mom.
Me:  For letting Mary go?
MM:  No. For being a puss.

Lady Mary:  It shall be hard.
MM:  It's not hard. It's easy. Just say,"Shut up and piss off."

MM:  Here's where he gets punched in the face.

MM:  (Re: Matthew) 'Cause he's going to get a punch in the face if he acts like a pussy again.

There's definitely a theme here. Let's unpack it, shall we? No, nevermind. I'm not qualified to delve that deeply into anyone's mind. The funny thing is, he's not a violent man so I don't know why he's so hellbent on predicting violence. It's obvious that he has little patience for melodrama and emotional games. I'm not surprised, of course, because he lives with me. Watching it on TV is a busman's holiday.

When I mentioned I thought there was time for them to declare Mr. Bates innocent, MathMan rolled his eyes. "They're going to leave you hanging on that one."

When the show ended without wrapping the Bates storyline, I whined. "Wah! I've got to wait months to know what happens to Mr. Bates. They have to tell us how Mrs. Bates really died. Was it murder or suicide?"

MathMan simply shook his head.

"But don't you want to know what happens?"

"I want to know if that guy's going to stop being a puss."

Oh, he's hooked.

What do you watch on TV as a compromise? What about Mrs. Bates? Murder or suicide? Who did it? What's going to get in the way of Mary and Matthew's wedding? Have we seen the last of the guy who claimed to be Patrick who allegedly drowned in the sinking of the Titanic? Will the Dowager Countess embrace the Jazz Age? Will Thomas and O'Brien ever stop scheming?


  1. You know what else is good at getting people to put the seat down?

    The dawg. Apparently water from toilet is much better than from the stainless steel pail.

  2. Replies
    1. Oooo, I hope so! That would be lovely.

  3. I admit admiring your running commentary with MM on your TV watching. Lisa and I watch, close-mouthed, then either sigh and shake our heads if an ending seems trite or smile and say, "Wow", if something surprising happens. Unless, of course, we've both fallen asleep before the end, waking up two hours later with cramps in our legs because of the weird position in which we've been stuck. In that case, there's just a whole lot of, "Shit, my foot's asleep," and, "Quiet, you'll wake up the girls!" as we hobble off to bed.

  4. Bates didn't do it. If he had killed his wife, she'd have been bludgeoned to death. I think Bobbi is right -- suicide without a note was one last shot at making Bates's life hell.

  5. Mary and Matthew will never marry, and here are some possibilities: Mary will develop Syphilis due to her Turkish liaison, and she'll start acting crazy. Or Edith will spoil the wedding by setting the abbey afire, trapping Cora in the flames. Or Sybil will have a difficult childbirth and Mary will get cold feet and go off to America after all and become a flapper. As for the late Mrs. Bates, there's a separated at birth thing with Wizard of Oz actress Margaret Hamilton that's all too perfect:

  6. i keep hearing about this show...and i have never watched it...i need to check into it...for no other reason than to know if he is no longer a puss...smiles....

  7. Considering I haven't watched television since Bart Simpson asked Sideshow Bob to sing the entire score of HMS Pinafore as his last request, I don't think I'm qualified to comment on this post.

  8. Oh, I am so not qualified to comment on this post so does that stop me? hell, no! :)

  9. I don't have a television.

    But then, I don't need one...

    I've got you two! :)

  10. I used to be so addicted to television, I'd watch anything that was on. It didn't matter what it was. Now, not so much. I'll only dedicate my valuable time to shows like Celebrity Apprentice or The Voice. I have standards, you know.

  11. Funny exchange between you and Mathman. :-) As you know, I love Downton and that paper doll play you just posted was exactly what I needed to make me laugh and hell knows I need a laugh!

  12. I have never seen this show (but always hear people rave about it) so I didn't want to read and be spoiled. I always hate being spoiled, even when I seem to have no possibility of ever watching the show. Like LOST. Never watched it, but always remained spoiler free and planned to watch the whole thing all at once. When the finale came on, I was sharing a hotel room with a coworker and wouldn't let her watch it because obviously it would spoil me. Months and months later when she learned I hadn't started watching the series yet (and still haven't) I think she may have been a little irritated with me. :)

  13. I love Downton Abbey even though it is a bit silly. When it comes back on over here next year I can post spoilers for you anytime.

  14. Not watched it, but saw an SNL spoof on it.
    The husband got hooked on Greys Anatomy, to the point of him asking me "So what happened with Meredith, or I can't believe Bailey said that!!!" like as if these are real people we know!

    He got me hooked on PBS Globe Trekker & Travels to the Edge w Art Wolfe, ( he wishes he had that job being a world traveler photographer, along with a seemingly endless budget for equipment & travel).
    Oh to have a brand new Land Rover to traipse into the back country w knowledgeable guides and a film camera crew to document you taking pictures.... phototaking w/i film.)
    We hate Rick Steves show. He's such a bland white american doing travels on the beaten path for the most part, and hokey/bad background music choices.

    He's already asleep when "Parenthood" comes on... he'd probably like it though.

  15. I am single - so I never have to compromise! I watch whatever I want, whenever I want!!

  16. OK, amidst all the glorious reviews, I have been avoiding this show for months now. I am SO not a television watcher. But this hilarious bit might do me in.

    If I don't get my next novel rewrite finished soon, I am fully blaming you.

  17. I had to watch Downton Abbey solo --- we watched the first 2 episodes together and my husband couldn't understand a word they were saying. But I LOVED it!!!! And you know there's no way Matthew and Mary will ever, ever get together. That would be the end of the show.

    Other than that, we're pretty compatible in the TV watching. Including sports. It's just possible that I love sports more than he does ....

  18. I keep meaning to watch the show, but can never figure out when it's on. Now I'm so far behind, I'm just going to have to depend on you for updates. Or MathMan. And, yes. Maggie Smith is in absolutely everything filmed in Britain. When she dies, the whole industry will collapse.

  19. Ironing during White Sox game! How can you? The only major league baseball team in Chicago!

  20. Answers: Compromise? Who? Alien abduction? Which it? Cake? What about the Lusitania? What about embracing weed? Do you really think the Chief and Riker's copy would stoop to such a level?

    Question: why the hell didn't this post appear in my reader?

  21. The one time I tried to watch with my husband around he launched into a diatribe about what was so interesting about "Victorian" settings, so I record it and watch when I can be blissfully alone. I think I managed to sit trhough one of his Alaska gold mining shows and many episodes of the one in the Pawn shop.

    I do think that Patrick is going to come back into the picture to mess with the inheritance issue but I don't think it will stop the wedding since Mary never loved him and Edith does/did.

    I think Mrs. Bates set him up. No sure about whether O'Brien had anything to do with it as some are speculating.

    Love the paper dolls - I had heard about them but never went looking for them.


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