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In fact, if you were to do a little window peeping while I do domestic duties while MathMan watched sports, you'd think you were looking at Ward and June Cleaver. If Ward and June got handsy with each other in front of Wally and the Beaver and seasoned their conversation with the occasional utterance of the word fuck.
Anyway, MathMan forgot that it's best to make oneself scarce while one's spouse is indulging in a bit of televised pleasure. And thus, that is how I ended up taking notes during the last episode of Season 2 of Downton Abbey. I'm hooked. MathMan was lukewarm, tepid, sorry he'd agreed to let me watch the program in the bedroom where he normally cloisters himself to watch whatever he wants on Sunday nights.
Disclaimer #1 Possible spoilers for the Christmas special aired on Sunday, February 19, 2012 so please don't read unless you want to risk it.
Disclaimer #2 Despite his use of the pejorative puss, MathMan is a relatively evolved man. I mean, it took me only two days to get him to understand the value of putting down the toilet seat. Besides that, I do believe he was sending me subliminal signals. Either he wanted to get some or he thought I should feed the cats.
MM: I like her, too.
Me: Daisy, the maid? She's cute, isn't she?
MM: Yeah. She cleans, too.
MM: Who gets the ruby in the Christmas pudding? (Remark based on Hercule Poirot's The Theft of the Royal Ruby)
MM: He's a douchebag. A huge douchebag. And the other guy's a puss.
MM: So what? Does Maggie Smith have a contract so that she's in everything made in England?
MM: I think someone is going to punch him before it's over. (re: Sir Richard)
MM: What are you doing?
Me: Taking notes of your commentary.
MM: Oh, I see how it is.
Me: I don't think you do.
MM: What's the point of watching this if it's going to be so predictable?
MM: Which Sybil is pregnant? One, two, three, four, five or seven?
MM: Is the stuffy guy (Sir Richard) her fiance?
Me: Yes.
MM: That's a dumbass move.
MM: Someone's going to get shot for sure.
MM: She's not going to marry that clown.
MM: Wasn't he part of some Monty Python skit?
MM: I feel like this is an episode of Poirot without the murder. You know which one I'm talking about.
Me: The Mystery of Hunter's Lodge
MM: I guess. Yeah, that's the one.
MM: The only drama is if the pretty woman marries the dumbass.
MM: Wasn't that on the Young Ones? Sir Something Old Fart? What was that? That's who Sir Richard is.
Me: Sir Boring Old Fart
MM: That's it!
MM: He shouldn't have given her that dumb pussy speech in the graveyard because now he's feeling bad because now she's going to marry that dumbass.
MM: (regarding Matthew) Now he's going to get in trouble with his mom.
Me: For letting Mary go?
MM: No. For being a puss.
Lady Mary: It shall be hard.
MM: It's not hard. It's easy. Just say,"Shut up and piss off."
MM: Here's where he gets punched in the face.
MM: (Re: Matthew) 'Cause he's going to get a punch in the face if he acts like a pussy again.
There's definitely a theme here. Let's unpack it, shall we? No, nevermind. I'm not qualified to delve that deeply into anyone's mind. The funny thing is, he's not a violent man so I don't know why he's so hellbent on predicting violence. It's obvious that he has little patience for melodrama and emotional games. I'm not surprised, of course, because he lives with me. Watching it on TV is a busman's holiday.
When I mentioned I thought there was time for them to declare Mr. Bates innocent, MathMan rolled his eyes. "They're going to leave you hanging on that one."
When the show ended without wrapping the Bates storyline, I whined. "Wah! I've got to wait months to know what happens to Mr. Bates. They have to tell us how Mrs. Bates really died. Was it murder or suicide?"
MathMan simply shook his head.
"But don't you want to know what happens?"
"I want to know if that guy's going to stop being a puss."
Oh, he's hooked.
What do you watch on TV as a compromise? What about Mrs. Bates? Murder or suicide? Who did it? What's going to get in the way of Mary and Matthew's wedding? Have we seen the last of the guy who claimed to be Patrick who allegedly drowned in the sinking of the Titanic? Will the Dowager Countess embrace the Jazz Age? Will Thomas and O'Brien ever stop scheming?
