Tuesday, September 20, 2011

30 Day Photography Challenge - Fruit

First, please go wish Geoffrey health and healing. He's been sick and yet he continues to post. Feel better, G!

UPDATED: Suzy Vitello is inspired.

So today is fruit and I whined at MathMan that this was a problem because all we had in the house were some pathetic red delicious apples, what's left of my mojito lime from the weekend, a tomato ready to go off and some past due Fuji apples.

It's enough to send a blogger into a murderous rampage.....

Miss Lemon, is there no mail?
I'm sorry, Monsieur. There is nothing. Only the sales ad for KMart.
Bah! Poirot, he is not used to this inaction. My brain will atrophy if I don't have a crime to solve soon!
Perhaps a nice walk? I'll join you.

Miss Lemon. Remind me if you please, when is the last time we heard from Captain Hastings?
Oh, I believe it was when he wired us from his ranch in Argentina. Why?
No reason. I am simply trying to piece together something he told me about his friend from Puerto Rico.
Puerto Rico?
Oui. He mentioned that his friend Monsieur Le Bacardi Rum had taken up residence in a home in Georgia and that he was fearful that he'd in-ad-vertantly become involved in some sort of crime.
Oh, Monsieur, what do you plan to do? Could this be the case you're looking for?
Pas de tout, Miss Lemon. I shall wait. Sometimes Poirot must prevent the crime and sometimes Poirot - he must solve it.

Monsieur Poirot! You've had a call from Inspector Japp. He'd like for you to meet him at Golden Manor.
And now it begins, Miss Lemon. It begins.

My old friend Sunny D! I did not expect to see you here.
Poirot! How are you, old man? Terrible muck up we've got here.
Mais oui, terrible indeed. I'm here to see Inspector Japp. Have you seen him?

Poirot, I see you've already begun interviewing the witnesses. Although, I might say that this particular witness, Sunny D, doesn't really belong here. Fruit, indeed.
Inspector Japp, Miss Lemon said that you'd like me to help with this investigation, n'est ce pas?
Yes, but let's get one thing straight. This is one messed up bunch of fruits. And no one claims to know anything.
Oui. I am not surprised. I understand that the body was found in the library?
Who told you that? No. The body was found right over there. On the kitchen counter.

I see. And this is the knife that was used to commit the murder?
I expect so. Pampered Chef, self-sharpening. We're checking it for finger prints.
Oui, d'accord. And the witnesses? May Poirot speak to them now?

And so you say, Monsieur Le Fugi, that you saw nothing?
That's right, sir. I was in the wooden bowl having a nap.
And my friend Sunny D, you too saw nothing?
Yes, yes, that's right. I was here on the top shelf of the refrigerator keeping myself to myself when I heard some great commotion.
I see. Thank you, Monsieur D, Monsieur Fugi.

What's the question, again, Monsieur?
I merely wanted to know if you were anywhere near the kitchen counter the night that Monsieur The Lime was murdered.
Oh, what a terrible thing to happen to such a small, green jovial fellow. No, I'm afraid I wasn't here. I was still locked in the laundry room waiting for my release.
Oh? You have been in prison, Mademoiselle?
Not prison, Monsieur! No no, not prison. The laundry room. I was locked in there for my own safety. If I'm left out in the open when the young master has guests, I'm likely to be drunk up in a single night.
I see. Hmmmm.
You can ask my sisters, if you like. Several of them are still hidden behind the Minute Rice, bottom shelf on the right.
Thank you, Mademoiselle.

Inspector Japp. Will you ask the Constable Hunt to verify the story of Mademoiselle Minute Maid? She claims she and her sisters were locked in the laundry room the night of the murder.

And why would you tell me this, Madame? Why would you want me to know that Mademoiselle Minute Maid is not telling Poirot the truth about her whereabouts on the night of the murder?
Pardonez-moi, Monsieur. I thought you'd want to know when you're being lied to. Forget I said anything.
No, Madame. Poirot cannot put that genie back into, how do you say it? The bottle? If Mademoiselle Maid was not with her sisters in the laundry room, then tell me, if you please, where was she?
No, Monsieur. It is not for me to give you all the answers. Ask the cats. I heard it from the cats.
Bah, Madame! I assure you the supreme confidentiality and all you tell to Poirot is to ask the cats? Bah!


Do you know this for sure, Monsieur Dill?
I just said so, didn't I? That little juice box was on the coffee table in the living room where the daughter of the Manor left her. She was out all night, the little tart.
Le daughter of the Manor?
No, you daft little apple. The juice box.

There's something else, Poirot.
Go on, Monsieur Farkus.
Well, I don't like being a fink or anything, but I heard the Lady of the house up late last night. And well, you know, she's got a bit of a thing for .......
Go on, please.
Well, she likes her Latin drinks.
I see. Thank you. Poirot believes he has all the information he will need now.

Miss Lemon, if you please, go back to the office and find the letter from Captain Hastings. I must to know the exact address where his Puerto Rican friend was staying.

Et voila! Monsieur Le Bacardi! How long have you been here?
Senor, my friends Mint and Simple Syrup have been waiting to be rescued from this dark place. You will not believe what that monster has made us do.
Oui, Monsieur. It's a crime of many subtle layers.

And so it was when Poirot noticed the glass with the traces of lipstick that he knew for certain who the killer was. Who had sliced poor Monsieur Lime in half in order to make a minty drink? Such meaningless motivations. Some people kill for money. Others for love, even some out of depravity, but this! This!

Revlon's Wine with Everything Madame Golden? Did you not say to me once that it's your signature colour?

Oui, Monsieur. But isn't it possible that someone borrowed my lipstick and used it to frame me?

Ah, yes. That could be, but you were seen, Madame. You were seen in the kitchen assembling the tools. The tools you would use to kill Monsieur Lime!

I see. There's a rat in manor?

Not a rat, Lady Golden. A cat.

I see, Inspector. Thank you. Well, Monsieur. I'm caught. I should have known those cats would see me hung.


  1. How marvelous! BBC, it seems, is ripe for such plotting.

  2. Lisa, that was awesome. Youse is on the blogrool.

  3. Thanks, Geoffrey! I hope you're feeling better.

    ifthethunderdontgetya - Why, thank you. I'm honored to be on your blogrool!

  4. Bon, bon, mms Golden. I see a children's book in the making here. My, but aren't you having fun!

  5. I especially think the rum component would do well in kiddie lit!

  6. Bonjour! This was a delightful read.

    What a limey corpse. The murder victims around here tend to be of the rodent variety, and we know better than to ask the cats.

    à bientôt!

  7. Just catching up on all these since I last visited. You are genius. I love not just the idea but how creative you are in adapting different voices to each photo assignment. Fruit and murder mystery?! Funny and brill! Low angle, high angle, fascinating. Awesome, baby!

  8. Suzy, susan, Susan, Barb and Summer - Thanks! This was more fun to write than I thought it would be. An good thing those cats cooperated.

  9. OMG, hilarious. I didn't know it until now, but I so needed to see EXACTLY THIS this morning. Thank you for taking a potentially lame "photograph fruit" assignment and turning it into this gem. :)

  10. Lisa,
    This is so fantastic. Truly.
    And the cats!
    Oh but the mustachio.
    And the dialogue. Modified a hair, this would make such a brilliant kid's book!

  11. And you scoffed at my overachiever dig. But, since this was ace, all is forgiven.

  12. OMGoodness I love your take on this assignment. Genius.

  13. Poirot! The mustachioed one is on the case, using all his little gray cells.

    Love it.

  14. Bravo the mustache! You have been watching WAY too much Poirot...

  15. These photos remind me of those videos on YouTube with the Annoying Orange. Your photos are not annoying. They are clever.


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