A couple of things you will never hear me say.
1. Big girl panties
First of all, what an interesting thing to say. And by interesting, I mean bless your heart, that sounds ridiculous. I mean, are some of you still wearing your little girl panties with the ruffles on the butt? What gives?
Also, I may be bitter because all my panties are BIG GIRL panties.
P.S. If you know where I can get some big girl panties with the ruffles on the butt, I'd love to hear from you.
2. Happy dance
Honestly? I don't dance when I'm happy. I don't dance when I'm sad. I eat.
Come to think of it, I also eat when I'm bored, waiting to pick kids up from this or that, watching television, going to movies, driving in the car, lonely, horny, frightened and/or wistful. In fact, the only time I don't eat is when I'm hungry and that's because with all that eating, I don't think I'm ever really, truly, physically experiencing hunger.
Maybe I should reconsider this dancing business.
See also: why do you want to make me think of Snoopy anyway?
3. This isn't something said. Instead it's something you'll never see on my vehicles. What is up with those window stickers that show the family?
Am I the only person who finds them odd? Maybe I'm too old now to appreciate the magic of having a window sticker depicting a nuclear family. I admit to a certain jadedness along with the sexy silver hair and need for bifocals.
I'm not entirely devoid of a soft side, however. I admit I got a chuckle out of the one I spied recently as I drove on I75. It had a Daddy Dalek, a Mommy Dalek, two little Daleks and K9.
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but your grumps are so very entertaining! I'll keep my eyes to the ground and let you know about those ruffled panties.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Joanne. Looks like we've got a lead on those ruffled panties.
DeleteYou can go here to buy some ruffled panties. Your welcome! :)
ReplyDeleteOh my, Lib. THANK YOU!
Deleteok you had me til the end...broke down and put the family stickers on this winter...they were given to us, can i use that as an excuse...each one gave a bit of the person though so...maybe i am losing my grip with reality....or domesticating...scary
ReplyDeleteBrian, I won't judge you for becoming domesticated. I may tease you, but I won't judge you. (Smiles!)
DeleteI mean, are some of you still wearing your little girl panties with the ruffles on the butt?
ReplyDeleteMine don't fit anymore.
~
Thunder, pictures or it didn't happen.
DeletePerfect for wearing with your French Maid costume: http://www.candyapplecostumes.com/dg4576.html
ReplyDeleteThere are a zillion sites online peddling ruffled underwear. I'm not sure what that says about the state of mankind and human sexuality in general. In fact, I think I'm now going to reach for the brain bleach and try to think about Snoopy instead.
Yikes, Nan! And here I thought I'd seen it all.
DeleteYes, let's concentrate on Snoopy.
I may have mentioned this before, but my dream for my own stick-figure car family is this: Get one sticker of a woman with big, poofy hair. Slap her on the car and then fill up the rest of the entire back window with 38 cat stickers. Cat ladies unite!
ReplyDeleteI once saw a sticker family that consisted of two ladies, a kid, and a big rainbow heart between them. That was the only sticker family that ever made me smile. (Until I create my cat one, that is.)
I WANT that sticker, Laura. I must have it.
DeleteHahaha!!! Just imagining that cat lady stick figures makes my day! Love it Laura!!!
DeleteI always do a happy dance when I don't have to wear my big girl panties. Ah, brisk. And you mean thermonuclear family. I've seen 'em with 4, 5, 7 kids, plus pets, and sometimes recreational activities as well. Congratulations, you have rugrats, so fucking what.
ReplyDeleteRandal, you're ruffled curmudgeon is showing.
DeleteI have lots of bumper stickers, but not of those stick figure families. My favorites are the Zombie hunting permit and the "Make Tea, Not War" stickers. I try not to talk about anyone's underpants in public, so I'm totally with you on the "big girl panties" thing. Do guys have a corollary? "I'ma put on my big boy boxers and tackle this problem head on?" Seems wrong. Why would a lady say something similar? Bleck.
ReplyDeleteI guess that's really what my question is about the family stickers. What's the message? Summer, your bumper stickers convey a message. You like Tea and are legally approved to deal with zombies.
DeleteAs for the male corollary to big girl panties, that's a great point. I've never heard a guy say "I'm strapping on this jock thingy and getting on with it."
You're right he phrase 'big girl panties' always sounded wrong somehow. Why not 'big girl dress'? Then again, I haven't seen anyone wearing a dress for ages. T-shirts, hoodies, tights and boots aren't gender specific enough to get a point across but I rather like the idea of strapping on my big girl bra.
ReplyDeleteDo you remember training bras? What were they supposed to be training for?
I like the Dalek family stickers.
susan, I do remember training bras and I never could figure out what we were training for either. Maybe The Olympics?
DeleteThey sell the ruffled BG Panties at The Dollar Tree. I'd send them to you, but I'm creeped out about BUYING UNDERWEAR AT THE DOLLAR STORE.
ReplyDeleteI eat for similar reasons, so no judgement.
I have a Sticker Family on the back of my van. My SF is made of Zombies, and was a pre-Christmas gift from my pastor and his wife. [My van is known as the Psycho Zombie Hippie Van...]
I love that your sticker is Zombies, Rennratt.
DeleteRuffles away!
Things you won't hear me say:
ReplyDelete1. "It is what it is" - Just tell me what the hell it is.
2. "Both sides are at fault" - No, they are not. Just because your side is run by arrogant assholes that still can't deal with the fact that we 'Merica elected a president who wasn't a WASP (there's a term that hasn't been used in years) doesn't mean that both sides are to blame. You're the ones who think compromise means "do it my way or I'll take the whole fucking country down."
3. "Sweet Home Alabama" - I hate Lynard Skynard.
I think I love you.
DeleteI think I love Steve, too, Averil. In fact, I KNOW I do. He's a doll of the highest order.
DeleteI once bought a car window sticker that said something like SUPER BITCH DRIVER because that's what I am when I am treated badly. Somehow it ended up in a drawer as it seemed a little too aggro.
ReplyDeleteAs for dancing, I need to do more of it, happy OR sad.
Cat, I need to dance more, too. Happy, sad, hungry, bored.....
DeleteThe bi-focal sticker is priceless. I would totally slap that on the back of my rear.
ReplyDeleteThe snoopy dance is great if you just use your hands, curled up in little balls and clap them, in rhythm to the music, together in front and behind you. As you can see, stationary dancing is my specialty.
MSB - I'm picturing that dance just as you describe it. Hilarious!
DeleteGrump over for me too, after reading this.
ReplyDeleteHow's your grump now, Downith?
DeleteYeah, it's like the Baby On Board sign people used to have, all black and yellow caution. Like without it I'd have rammed you. Dumbass.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't made that connection, Averil, but maybe that's why I was drawn to those decals. I felt the same way you did about the Baby on Board signs.
DeleteLiving in a city, I have no fucking clue what those family stickers are but I know I hate them already.
ReplyDeleteI tend to go w higher level of sarcasm bumper stickers.. over the years:
ReplyDeleteReality is annoying
Something fishy about Gordon Smith (senator candidate w dead fish by his processing factory, dead fish w fumes portrayed).
During the Bush 2 Era:
If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention
Impeach Bush
Humpty Dumpty was pushed
I did see a few good ones:
Population Forecast: Mostly Crowdy
Public Ignorance is Corporate Bliss
Never felt compelled to do the hieroglyphic family stick figure inventory sticker.
Besides, what is the protocol when they move out? Cross them off w a red X???
one worn out slogan is "at the end of the day".
Also hate it when news gives some catastrophe a title & theme music, like it is a (bad) made for tv mini series:
And now "Devastation of Hurricane Sandy--- Blown Away"
WTF w ABC replaying the same coughing/sneezing footage, day after day, when they talk about the flu.
It's an epidemic-- find some new footage of other people coughing & sneezing- but thanks for not showing vomiting/diarrhea footage.
I hate the stick family decal families. I don't understand what the point is, but it feels like they're somehow bragging about their ability to attract sa mate and reproduce?
ReplyDeleteThe worst is when they have the kids' names under the stick figures. Strangers knowing your kids' names? What could go wrong with that?
The "big girl panties" saying has always baffled me. Who needs that reminder???
ReplyDeleteWhile refusing to comment about anyone's panties, I will share that I did once see a great one of those stickers on a car.
ReplyDeleteIt was a sticker of one woman, and below it were the words
I don't give a fuck who's in your family.
I tried to catch her to ask her to marry me, but she drove like she could tell what I was thinking.
Lisa, I am cracking the hell up over here.
ReplyDeleteI don't say Big Girl Panties, nor do I know where to purchase any with ruffles on the butt. However, I have used the term Big Girl Clothes, for whenever I am NOT wearing pajamas. Which is almost never.
I leave the "Happy Dancing" up to the other members of my family, who clearly love to dance, especially for our Annual Thanksgiving Family Video.
As for the nuclear family stickers, mine would be sad. A single girl, sitting on a toilet, wearing a hospital gown, with a tiny sign that says "any takers?" How about no.
Dances with Dogs, my Indian name. excellent post Lisa
ReplyDeleteI am so old I don't know what a Dalek is and I don't care. My panties are so big I don't want to discuss them and Steve Martin should sue the happy dance people for capitalizing his happy feet routine.
ReplyDelete