We drank a toast to now

December 29th 30th  31st is as good a time as any to make some New Years Resolutions and I'm going to try something new. I'm making resolutions I can keep.

1. I will begin and end several fitness regimes including walking when it's convenient and buying a grocery cart full of produce and unprocessed groceries on Sunday, eating healthy on Monday and Tuesday, and consuming mostly candy, pastries and fast food the remainder of the week.

2. I resolve to always find a way to make matters worse. Why deny my gift?

3. I will watch movies and forget the details 20 minutes after the closing credits thus driving The Electrician a little insane.

4. I will fret about money because my personal economy isn't growing so much.

5.  I will let my gas tank run down to fumes on I75 and wait until the last minute to stop for a pee because 2015 can't be all about a calm and balanced life.

6. I will continue my struggle with not using the Oxford comma and not having two spaces after a period because that was what I was taught all those years ago. One did not defy our typing teacher Mr. Neaman and live to tell about it.

7.  I resolve to Google everything except when I'm driving and then I will give Siri the task of Googling everything for me. And what Google can't answer, I'll turn to IMDB. Oh, I've learned. I've learned.

8. I will think about writing. Thinking is almost like doing, right?

9. I will watch the same episodes of British murder mysteries repeatedly to put myself to sleep because the squirrels in my brain won't quiet down without assistance so they must be drowned out.

10. I will procrastinate. Obviously.

Your turn. Resolutions?

But who is going to hold me to it?

Normally, I eschew things like New Years resolutions. A resolution is nothing more than another opportunity to fail.

Because I'm more than a little tired of who I am naturally, I've decided to try some new things. Push myself a bit. Don't worry. I'm setting the bar pretty low and I've brought a paper bag in case any of this causes hyperventilation.

1. Drink my coffee black. Like the midwife who delivered all three kids once said "it takes a whole lotta sugar to keep me sweet." Hell yeah. But it's time to acknowledge the wafer thin wall between bad eating habits and future ill health. There is no reason to ruin a perfectly good cup of coffee by adding enough sugar and cream to make a dessert. A spoon should not be required to consume coffee.

2. Read more. Anita mentioned that 2012 is the Year of Reading the Books You Own. Yes! I purchased a ridiculous number of books last year from a used book store that was going out of business and at the Friends of  the Library book sales. While I can't guarantee that I won't be lured by the siren song of the library's new releases shelves, I am setting a goal of reading at least one of the books I own once a month.

3. Stop making fun of the sound the oldest cat makes when she crunches the dry cat food. She probably isn't that amused by it anyway.

4. Stop projecting my shit onto other people, especially those closest to me. Just because I'm feeling all balled up about something doesn't mean that MathMan has to be. A true challenge. Misery often does love company. Especially if company comes bearing cheap chocolate.

5. Stop worrying and learn to love the bomb. Feel free to project your own shit on me here to get the meaning.

6. Annoy one celebrity a day on Twitter. Hey, it's a branding strategy, okay?

7. Ignore the cesspool of American politics. It's like attempting to ignore an itch on your butt when you're in standing in line at the DMV. You don't want to scratch in front of the people behind you and you can't leave your place in line.

8. Wii Just Dance. No matter who is around to mock me.

9. Stop looking for a job. Is it like love? When you stop looking, that's when it finds you? And if not, why not?

10. Stop censoring myself out of fear that potential employers will see my blog, facebook, twitter, pinterest, etc. and decide that I am not "their kind of people." Maybe my blog and social media is what I should be doing while I finish working on the novel and a couple of other projects I've added to my To Do list. After nearly 500 job applications, it's clear I'm going to have to make my own way.

P.S. If you're a potential employer, I'm kidding! I'm a rule follower. A hard worker. A team player. Versatile, appropriately innovative and I possess strong communications skills. And I come cheaply. See! I use adverbs!

P.S.S. Some of you might be surprised to learn that I censor myself. I know!

11. Stop judging people by the inane stuff they post on Facebook. Being a judgmental asshole says more about me than about the people doing the cut and paste I bet you won't do this statuses, the TGIF posts, the Monday complaints, the weather reports and the questions about which new, expensive phone to buy. It says I'm easily bored, snobbish, pretentious, sanctimonious and jealous. It says they lack creativity. See what I mean?

12. Acquire new skills. I can't really afford to go back to school right now, but my friend Christine posted online a list of free educational opportunities and more than one of them appeal to me. Learning for the sake of learning? Why not?

Twelve for 2012 seems hokey enough, right?

Have you used this arbitrary date to promise yourself anything?

Another year already?

In 2008, I told you how it was going to be the Year of Clean Living. After 2007, which involved the consumption of copious amounts of alcohol, yo-yo weight gain, a distinct lack of exercise and all kinds of personal numbskullery, I thought that 2008 should herald a time in which I took better care of myself and those around me.

That last about 3 days, 6 hours and 14 minutes.

In 2009, I didn't resolve anything that I can remember, but that doesn't seem to have mattered. In a year that included a Chapter 13 bankruptcy, a foreclosure, moving the household, The Summer of Marital Strife, the ongoing joys and heartaches of raising three kids, the acquisition of yet another cat and recent unemployment, it's clear that any resolution for healthier living I'd have dared to make would have gone straight into the proverbial toilet anyway. For those of you who don't know, I am not now nor have I ever been one who doesn't eat when she's upset. If only!

Reading back on that last paragraph, I realize that we've been living the Real American Dream circa 2009. How quaint of us.

But I digress.

So there we were, ringing in 2010 with lots of chocolate bought half price at Target, sipping MathMan's signature KamaSutra Olive Juiced Martinis, and watching Rear Window. It seemed quite fitting somehow. We stayed up just past midnight, drank enough, but not too much, and I didn't eat so much chocolate that I ended up wishing for instant death. There were no fights, no large emotional upheavals and the only fireworks were those being set off by our neighbors behind us. It was just kind of calm, with the coolness of Grace Kelly in the background.

So where does that leave 2010? Well, I'm not laying out any big plans for radical change. No, instead I'm going with moderation in all things. Balance will be my motto. Or more accurately, as I mentioned this morning to MathMan "I'm going to eat salad so I can drink alcohol."

As long as the salad is made of chocolate ice cream and pie, I should be fine.

Happy 2010! Thank you for being a part of this.