Friday, February 27, 2009
A Mild Warning Because I'm NOT Willing to Stop Showing Off
Too busy with work today, blah, blah, blah........MathMan and The Dancer are away for a very cool audition/trip back to the Midwest. I'm home playing catch up for work and playing Rock Band with The Actor and Garbo.
I might even have more videos for you shortly. Dang, though, that camera doesn't add ten pounds, it adds thirty. If I didn't have a ton of work to do today, I'd be fiddling around with video editing, trying to keep things at this angle or that so you don't catch a glimpse of an extra chin or that oh-so-delightfully squishy muffin top of mine. Oh well. Work calls.
Oh - and before I forget (willis, I got your email, thank you, you're right - I do need to careful and aware) I have a warning for anyone who might consider using any information I give about myself for buggering purposes (if you want to locate me to hand me stacks of unmarked twenty dollar bills, well, okay then). I know how to use a gun. I can fart at will - and my farts smell hellaciously bad. I have raging cases of several diagnosed and undiagnosed venereal diseases. If I'm raped, I just kinda lie there like I've been drugged or something. I have the worst halitosis you've ever smelled in your life. Five out of five dentists agree - I could use some Dentyne. Imagine, if you will, you take an egg, put it in an old shoe, and bury it under a chicken coop......
You get my point. It would be folly to bother me or my family. Don't forget the attack cats. The scary hillbilly neighbors who are just itchin for a fight. Wanna squeal like a pig? Then there's the guy who lives in the trailer across the way. He is the neighborhood watch. That's what he uses his good eye for. The missing one? Well, that's an interesting story. We also have the electronic security system and the low tech, too - Garbo is posted at random times to kabonk you on the head with golf clubs from her upstairs window and, if I feel threatened, I will unleash The Actor, who is actually a feral child, but I've kept that off the blog because of pending lawsuits.
Of course, if anyone would ever fuck with my kids? Well, you know how you read this stuff and wonder if I am, in fact, certifiably insane? Well, we'd have that well and truly confirmed, I tell you what. And dudes? I'm not even this side of crazy compared to MathMan. He just plays a sane person on this blog. I mean, seriously. What sane person would (a) stay tethered to a lunatic like me and (b) voluntarily work with teenagers?
Enough said. That work isn't going to get itself done, the uncooperative bastard......here's a happy song for this rather gloomy Friday.