Friday, February 27, 2009

A Mild Warning Because I'm NOT Willing to Stop Showing Off


Too busy with work today, blah, blah, blah........MathMan and The Dancer are away for a very cool audition/trip back to the Midwest. I'm home playing catch up for work and playing Rock Band with The Actor and Garbo.

I might even have more videos for you shortly. Dang, though, that camera doesn't add ten pounds, it adds thirty. If I didn't have a ton of work to do today, I'd be fiddling around with video editing, trying to keep things at this angle or that so you don't catch a glimpse of an extra chin or that oh-so-delightfully squishy muffin top of mine. Oh well. Work calls.

Oh - and before I forget (willis, I got your email, thank you, you're right - I do need to careful and aware) I have a warning for anyone who might consider using any information I give about myself for buggering purposes (if you want to locate me to hand me stacks of unmarked twenty dollar bills, well, okay then). I know how to use a gun. I can fart at will - and my farts smell hellaciously bad. I have raging cases of several diagnosed and undiagnosed venereal diseases. If I'm raped, I just kinda lie there like I've been drugged or something. I have the worst halitosis you've ever smelled in your life. Five out of five dentists agree - I could use some Dentyne. Imagine, if you will, you take an egg, put it in an old shoe, and bury it under a chicken coop......

You get my point. It would be folly to bother me or my family. Don't forget the attack cats. The scary hillbilly neighbors who are just itchin for a fight. Wanna squeal like a pig? Then there's the guy who lives in the trailer across the way. He is the neighborhood watch. That's what he uses his good eye for. The missing one? Well, that's an interesting story. We also have the electronic security system and the low tech, too - Garbo is posted at random times to kabonk you on the head with golf clubs from her upstairs window and, if I feel threatened, I will unleash The Actor, who is actually a feral child, but I've kept that off the blog because of pending lawsuits.

Of course, if anyone would ever fuck with my kids? Well, you know how you read this stuff and wonder if I am, in fact, certifiably insane? Well, we'd have that well and truly confirmed, I tell you what. And dudes? I'm not even this side of crazy compared to MathMan. He just plays a sane person on this blog. I mean, seriously. What sane person would (a) stay tethered to a lunatic like me and (b) voluntarily work with teenagers?

Enough said. That work isn't going to get itself done, the uncooperative bastard......here's a happy song for this rather gloomy Friday.

23 comments:

  1. Thanks for letting me play the sane one. I did work in downtown Chicago. I wrestled with the shop lifters and internal looters and I am still here - right. Exactly.

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  2. You forgot the part about MathMan doing math. That's grounds for institutionalization right then and there.

    Since Georgia is a fabled land of the hillbilly, do you guys have real firearms or those potato guns?

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  3. Randal - it is best that you are not quite sure about the firearms but there are places in GA that require hand gun ownership.

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  4. Oh come on, who are you kidding? Chicks don't fart. Or snore. Or sweat. :0)

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  5. Years ago I had a friend who would threaten people with ..or I'll fart! He would buy pickled eggs in a bar and complain if they didn't work. He could clear a room in no time flat.

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  6. I don't at all question MathMan's sanity for staying with you, but the fact that he voluntarily works with a)math and b)teenagers puts him in the highly suspect sanity category in my world.

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  7. all kidding aside, I do worry about the nutcases out there. I, on the other hand, wouldn't touch a hair on your head. much love to you and yours.

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  8. Well, and also remember you are friends with a couple of grizzled bikers. (Keith and I. Stop laughing.)

    And Gine does drive-bys on request. (Seriously, stop laughing!)

    We are dangerous, dangerous, scary people.

    Boo!

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  9. I think you have probably discouraged most nutcases. I had a weird e-mail on my Yahoo site a few days ago from someone who I think read a comment I made about a year ago on a site called Death to Baby Boomers. I had defended my generation and I got this hate mail from this guy. He hates all Baby Boomers and blames them for everything that's wrong with the country. I deleted the note but must admit I was a tad worried he might be able to find me!

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  10. Sounds like an ol' fashioned beat down is on!

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  11. I had a feeling that Mathman was a tad on the crazy side--yep, he'd have to be to teach math to teenagers, that's for damn sure. :)

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  12. Wow. I got to come and spend some time drinking in your neighborhood.

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  13. Add another ex-redneck chick who will personally drive down to Georgia and go apeshit on the asses of anyone who would mess with you or yours, and I have kin all over the South who would cover it up, to boot.

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  14. Gracias Lisa. Also, my congrats and envy to Mathman for having a garage you can park a car in. The man's a genius.

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  15. I think you need to post this - ON A BILLBOARD!! That should ensure your safety. I know I wouldn't even dare to mess with you guys - I saw Deliverance.

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  16. Whatever I was going to say was knocked out of my brain when I laughed so hard at themom's comment.

    Deliverance. So very you!

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  17. attack cats? attack cat! Dying. Over. Here.

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  18. I'd better tell them to call it off...NOW! those pussies for peace might scare those brothers of his off...

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  19. Wow! After that I don't think I'd even dare send you an email. Attack cats? My God Rex I'm outa here.......xxx

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  20. Your candor has sometimes concerned me, but then I am so paranoid I don't even display my photo online.
    I'm glad you took the time to warn off any nutters, however.
    Alas, the death by farts warning may have inadvertantly worked a little *too* well.
    :/

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  21. I just remembered that the picture that said "Paddle faster, I hear banjos" was on the confuser that died.

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  22. Teenagers are insane by definition, so I find that with time, teachers grow more and more insane until it is time to retire.

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  23. I have just conned my book grouip into reading'AsI lay dying' and they are all complaining about Faulklner....maybe I can just send them all over here :)

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