Sunday, March 29, 2009

This Post Approved by Cow Number 22

Cow number 22 is wondering why I keep driving back and forth, back and forth.......

I am about to break the land speed record for most boring blog post ever. Don't brace yourself. In fact, why don't you do me a grand favor, get naked, slather yourself with some canola oil (it's better for your heart), put on some loud music, open your window coverings (blinds, curtains, whatever) and prance around in a trance of utter bliss for about ten minutes. Then when you wish you had the moments you just spent reading this post back, you can at least thank me for making you (1) more soft and supple from all that oil; (2) burn some calories with the prancing; and (3) the talk of the neighborhood.

Okay - here's the long and short of it. I still hope you're not bracing yourself. And put down that oil. You're going to slide off your chair if you're not careful.

Pack, pack, pack. Move, move, move. Unpack, unpack, unpack.

It's so exciting, I'm almost embarrassed to share it with you because I don't want you to feel too badly about your own situation.

Here are the things we've discovered during this move:

(1) Four inside cats dispel a lot of hair (this part isn't really a discovery) and when the main vacuum er kinda sorta gives up on her outlandish fantasy of domestic perfection (that happened right around the time Martha Stewart was sent to prison for insider trading - my domestic bubble burst like so many tiny real estate markets), lots of cat hair accumulates in hard to reach places. Ish, blech, retch. It's enough to choke a bear. Seriously, we could make a new litter of full grown cats from the nasty cast-off fur.

(2) My plan to put away most knick-knacks was a good one from the "I'm over dusting" standpoint. Where I relented and knick-knacks remained range free, but undusted by those who claim to need them in their lives (read: The Spawn), the dust of ages made me sneeze and squeeze. Having to do the sneeze and squeeze makes me a tiny bit peevish.

(3) We have too much stuff. We're Americans - I suppose that goes without saying. Clearing out the clutter feels so good. It's hard to distinguish between what you want to keep because it has a purpose and what you want to keep for sentimental reasons. I've pitched things that made my heart wince a little, but I know a week from now I will NOT be wondering where that thingy is. I know this. Still, the wincing.

(4) We're going to be those people who use their china everyday. Mind you, we don't have everyday china and good china. We have china. It's a bit dated - screaming the era that we got married, but it's quite pretty, quite sturdy, a full set and what the hell good is it sitting in a box? We used to use it for every day. We're going back to that.

Why keep it for special occasions. We're going to let every day be a special occasion dammit, and if that plan doesn't work, well, busting up our wedding china in a dramatic display of smashing dishes in a fit of pique or tossing them into the fireplace to celebrate something seems a lot more interesting than ripping a paper plate in half or crumpling a Styrofoam cup*.

Besides, all the casual stuff we have is chipped all to hell and I'm sick of nicking my fingers on the dings and chips.

So that's it for now. The big stuff gets moved on Tuesday. We'll have the t.v. and phone people coming out to do installs, as well. Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly because, of course, we now have word that there are two REALLY IMPORTANT kid events on Tuesday evening that we must attend or be expelled from parenthood. You know I lie - we could never be so lucky as to be expelled from parenthood.

Oh - one more thing - The Actor can carry much heavier things at the age of thirteen than he could when we moved into this house in 2003 when he was seven. The end result is that he can help MathMan heft the really heavy stuff so that I don't have to do the lift and squeeze in addition to the sneeze and squeeze.

And that, my friends, People of the Internets, is worth all the china from, well, China. Because ours certainly isn't from anywhere that would regulate the amount of chemical byproducts and lead, you know. I mean - how do you think I got this way?

P.S. Go wash off that oil now before you get it on something.

* We limit our use of paper plates and Styrofoam for environmental reasons. I simply used the examples of paper and Styrofoam because it seemed funnier than saying chain-sawing melamine plates and melting plastic cups.


  1. Good luck with the move. And I read that the French use their good china everyday, because why should it be packed away or just put on display? gotta love the French.

  2. Did the cow say, that we're mooving? That is not the cow that watch dumbfounded as bambi jumped into his yard. She doesn't looked annoyed.

  3. Unpacking of course goes on forever, but congrats on having moved household.

  4. My parents always kept their china (actually, more like Royal Doulton "stoneware") stashed away, and I'd beg my mom to use it on weeknights. (She also had tons of napkin rings and placemats - ooh la la) But it's been sitting in a cabinet for 15+ years, and when we moved into our house this fall, she gave me her whole set. I bawled. I was all "but it's from your wedding and it symbolizes your luuuurve! Why give it up?". (I had PMS at the time.)

    Use the hell out of that china, baby. Don't do what my mom did.

  5. You're almost there, Lisa. I don't envy you one bit. I admire the hell outta you, though!

    We keep waffling between down-sizing; starting up a boarding house, and doing the two house-hold thang! (you know, me back to civilization; he commutting: I know, I'm delusional!)

    I just love being decisive. I also treasure spending 79% of my life alone. Good times.


    Hope your week is a good one.

  6. The best part of moving is getting rid of stuff you used to couldn't live without. I hope you crazy kids are almost done with it.

  7. Ok, I am ashamed to admit it. I have four sets of dishes. One for every day, one for everyday display in the hutch, one very fine set of antique pre WWII era Noritake, and a set of Lenox Christmas dishes that I got when I divorced B. I use all of them. The everyday stuff especially. The Christmas stuff gets used from Nov. 1 thru Valentines Day, the Noritake I use for dinner parties, and sometimes just for me to eat a sandwich on alone. Hi, my name is Rick and I have an addiction to fine China.

  8. I have two basic rules for home life.

    !. If I haven't used it in 6 months (aside from the turkey roasting pan and artificial xmas tree) then it's fair game to be pitched.
    2. If I can't lift it myself and move it in then I don't buy it.

  9. Can I use flaxseed oil? I need to hit more home runs this year.

    Tom Petty once sung a lyric, 'the wincing is the hardest part.'

    If you guys DO get expelled from parenthood, you'll tell us exactly, with full details and plans and corollaries, what to do to achieve such bliss, right?

    Good luck with your styrofoam televisions and other movable objects.

  10. Hey, how did you know?

    "get naked, slather yourself with some canola oil (it's better for your heart), put on some loud music, open your window coverings (blinds, curtains, whatever) and prance around in a trance of utter bliss for about ten minutes"

    This is part of my morning ritual while waiting for the coffee to be done. Hmmm...guess I should close the blinds. Just trying to entertain the cow across the road. She works at the library...haha


  11. mmmooooovvvvv-ing is almost over.........WELL-DONE

  12. Moving - it sucks. But it transforms too. Ah, life.

    Especially when the 7 year old boy is now 13!

    Sending lots of love.

  13. I HATED moving. But seriously is it the best way to motivate yourself to go through things.
    I can totally relate to everything you wrote about.
    As for the oil, nudity and open curtains...have you been watching my house? HAHA

  14. Mooooving is a pain in the ass, but under your circumstances, more so. One saving grace is that de-cluttering thing, that has to feel good, I know I just love to clear crap out! We are huge pack rats here.....ughI hate it!
    I'm thinking good thoughts for you and the family.

  15. We have about 25 different sets of china, mostly only two or three plates of most of them. Extremely fancy fine china is pretty inexpensive when you play ebay for it a dish at a time.

    Anyway, if you think you're being eccentric, using the one set everyday is kind of mild. And we light candles for every meal too.

  16. "melamine plates" I knew the Chinese were putting melamine in our food, but our dishes too??
    When you get done mooooving, you'll have defraged part of your life in real time.

  17. The oil is tough to wash off.
    Help me someone, I have to go to work!

  18. Can't prance atm naked or otherwise, have hurt neck so I read your post with music blaring and slathered on the deep heat cream.

    I moved 13 times in 13 year years when an army wife (ex husband) . Each time I threw stuff away or sent it to the charity shops. But we have been here 15 years you can't imagine the stuff in our 2 bed terraced house. But you can guarantee if i throw something out, next week i will"need" it.

    Hope it all goes OK. Love the cow picture

  19. Have you thought about dusting your knick knacks in your knickers? That might spice up your day...

  20. I like the way Scandalous Housewife thinks...:)

  21. I put too much oil on. Now some of my kkkkeys stick togggether.

  22. After this day from hell..I'm heading for the canola and a little naked prancing. Hell with the neighbors - din't like 'em all anyway!

  23. The only part of moving I like is the liberating aspect of pitching the stuff I don't use and thus obviously don't need. I have moved often enough that I have learned that I don't need half the crap I've bought in my bipolar (shopaholic) life. I'm now down to essentials. If I need something new, it's because something essential broke and needs replacing. Now just don't open my closet doors.

    That cow is really going to miss you guys--it's written all over her face.

  24. Moving. What a drag. I'll bet it's far less entertaining than your post about it was!

    Sending good wishes your way!


  25. Sneeze and squeeze! Love it - I can relate.

    You can make packing to move sound hilarious.

  26. Boy, you sure can take a seemingly boring topic and make it VERY amusing! *smiles*

    And I'm with you on the cat hair--we found several more cats when moving to our current apartment. :)

    P.S. Could you please tell Mathman that he isn't currently allowing comments on his blog today? (Shame on him!! :) )

  27. ach.Math Man took my comment
    you're moooooving

  28. Moving is a great chance to rethink--and it sounds like your discoveries are wonderful.

  29. My heart goes out to you. I know all about hair that accumulates in hard to reach places.


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