This Post Approved by Cow Number 22

Cow number 22 is wondering why I keep driving back and forth, back and forth.......

I am about to break the land speed record for most boring blog post ever. Don't brace yourself. In fact, why don't you do me a grand favor, get naked, slather yourself with some canola oil (it's better for your heart), put on some loud music, open your window coverings (blinds, curtains, whatever) and prance around in a trance of utter bliss for about ten minutes. Then when you wish you had the moments you just spent reading this post back, you can at least thank me for making you (1) more soft and supple from all that oil; (2) burn some calories with the prancing; and (3) the talk of the neighborhood.

Okay - here's the long and short of it. I still hope you're not bracing yourself. And put down that oil. You're going to slide off your chair if you're not careful.

Pack, pack, pack. Move, move, move. Unpack, unpack, unpack.

It's so exciting, I'm almost embarrassed to share it with you because I don't want you to feel too badly about your own situation.

Here are the things we've discovered during this move:

(1) Four inside cats dispel a lot of hair (this part isn't really a discovery) and when the main vacuum er kinda sorta gives up on her outlandish fantasy of domestic perfection (that happened right around the time Martha Stewart was sent to prison for insider trading - my domestic bubble burst like so many tiny real estate markets), lots of cat hair accumulates in hard to reach places. Ish, blech, retch. It's enough to choke a bear. Seriously, we could make a new litter of full grown cats from the nasty cast-off fur.

(2) My plan to put away most knick-knacks was a good one from the "I'm over dusting" standpoint. Where I relented and knick-knacks remained range free, but undusted by those who claim to need them in their lives (read: The Spawn), the dust of ages made me sneeze and squeeze. Having to do the sneeze and squeeze makes me a tiny bit peevish.

(3) We have too much stuff. We're Americans - I suppose that goes without saying. Clearing out the clutter feels so good. It's hard to distinguish between what you want to keep because it has a purpose and what you want to keep for sentimental reasons. I've pitched things that made my heart wince a little, but I know a week from now I will NOT be wondering where that thingy is. I know this. Still, the wincing.

(4) We're going to be those people who use their china everyday. Mind you, we don't have everyday china and good china. We have china. It's a bit dated - screaming the era that we got married, but it's quite pretty, quite sturdy, a full set and what the hell good is it sitting in a box? We used to use it for every day. We're going back to that.

Why keep it for special occasions. We're going to let every day be a special occasion dammit, and if that plan doesn't work, well, busting up our wedding china in a dramatic display of smashing dishes in a fit of pique or tossing them into the fireplace to celebrate something seems a lot more interesting than ripping a paper plate in half or crumpling a Styrofoam cup*.

Besides, all the casual stuff we have is chipped all to hell and I'm sick of nicking my fingers on the dings and chips.

So that's it for now. The big stuff gets moved on Tuesday. We'll have the t.v. and phone people coming out to do installs, as well. Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly because, of course, we now have word that there are two REALLY IMPORTANT kid events on Tuesday evening that we must attend or be expelled from parenthood. You know I lie - we could never be so lucky as to be expelled from parenthood.

Oh - one more thing - The Actor can carry much heavier things at the age of thirteen than he could when we moved into this house in 2003 when he was seven. The end result is that he can help MathMan heft the really heavy stuff so that I don't have to do the lift and squeeze in addition to the sneeze and squeeze.

And that, my friends, People of the Internets, is worth all the china from, well, China. Because ours certainly isn't from anywhere that would regulate the amount of chemical byproducts and lead, you know. I mean - how do you think I got this way?

P.S. Go wash off that oil now before you get it on something.

* We limit our use of paper plates and Styrofoam for environmental reasons. I simply used the examples of paper and Styrofoam because it seemed funnier than saying chain-sawing melamine plates and melting plastic cups.