Wednesday, April 22, 2009

What Should I Put Cream Cheese Frosting on Next?

I think my last post may have been more gloomy than my newer readers are used to. Dude. If you knew me in my political blogging days, you would have been all "what they hell?" and "who needs this angst?" Yeah - those were the days.

So tonight, after he started speaking to me again because I was such a sourpuss on the drive home (What? no video of that?), MathMan asked me if I'd really told The Actor that we only have sex on Wednesdays. I stared at him for a moment before putting my head down on my keyboard to think. Did I?

"Why would you ask me that?" I mumbled into the desk.

"And did you say that sometimes we play naked flashlight tag?" he continued the interrogation.

I whimpered.

There was more to come. I continued to wince and whimper in recognition of my housecat-like mothering skills. "Because it sounds like something you would say. We discussed it on the way home from baseball practice. The Actor, me and his friend." Oh. No.

You see, it's one thing to tell on myself, to show off for you guys and be all la, la, la, look at my whipped up naughtiness and Parenting by Benign Neglect, but when I learn that the crazy stuff I tell my kids spills over to their friends, I get a little embarrassed because some of these kids don't have the sense to not tell their Proper Mamas. And Proper Mamas do not find my loopy brand of humor amusing. At all.

So yes, I'm sure, too, that I said that crazy stuff. What of it now? Well, perhaps we'll see the number of sleepovers slow down as word gets out that I'm foul-mouthed and filthy-minded.

Anyway, I spent the first twenty minutes of our afternoon commute with my eyes pinched shut or by staring moodily out the passenger side window. MathMan was having none of it and without the the benefit of having read my blogpost where I described my testiness and likely blood sugar issues, pressed, pushed and prodded until the dam broke, the words came spilling out and I shared with him my worries about work. (long, boring story) I hate boring him with tales from the workfront, but he seemed not to mind. Just venting helped me. (Thanks, Honey!)

And now the rush of baseball season is upon us. MathMan and The Actor will be gone a lot of the time. This is the time of year when I am left to my own devices too much of the time. When I'm not cleaning the sparkle off things, I'm looking for trouble and indulging in all manner of ill-advised pursuits that end in near-disaster, broken hearts, bad haircuts and unfinished projects in the garden. And that's the good stuff. (Do you ever wonder about the stuff I don't tell you about? Well, if you do, stop that. You'd never sleep again.)

However, with our new situation, Garbo seemed intent on shaking up the dynamic. She only had to ask me once to go to the park with her. I was amazed when I reminded her that we'd have to - gasp! - walk because I don't have a car anymore and she just shrugged and asked if she could ride her bicycle while I walked. No problem.

An hour later, we'd hiked the trail through the woods and along the creek, crossed the covered bridge, gone on the swings, and sauntered home again to spend another hour outside arranging pots and garden stuff and making a home for worms in a little pot. People of the Internets, if you could see the butt-groove in my cheapo, black swivel office chair, you'd realize what a huge deal this was.

Getting out in the fresh air, staring up at those clouds that look like a couple of merpeople about to kiss, listening to the bird who says "Drink your tea" over and over, noticing the smell of wood smoke in the air from the barbecue place down the road, feeling the breeze, enjoying the heft of pots just waiting to be filled with veggie seeds and colorful annuals, noticing the neighbors' houses - the dark wood sided one with the shady woodland garden and ivy-covered trees, and the other one with the lush green lawn and hydrangeas bursting out in pom poms of white? You must be wondering "What is the big deal?"

Plenty. It's been a long couple of years. It's good to be getting back to something closer to normal (for me, that is). I strolled along, watching Garbo on her bicycle, shrinking into the distance as she rode further ahead. I realized I wasn't holding my breath or about to let loose with a tirade of invectives and I didn't feel angry about anything.

I was just taking it all in. Later, I realized that I'd concluded something that had long needed concluding. Sorry to sound so cryptic, but I decided that the best thing to do sometimes is just pretend that a death has occurred. It's irrevocable. Done. Final. And sometimes, it's the inability to retrieve, the lack of hope that allows us to accept something. Finally.

I breathed. In and out. In and out. I didn't count my steps. I wasn't biting on the side of my tongue or furrowing my brow. I don't think I was even pursing my lips.....

Thank you, Fantastic Forrest, for pointing me toward your post tonight. I love the movie Garden State and I adore Zach Braff. I've had the Garden State soundtrack for some time now and there are a couple of songs on it that have been my off and on favorites. One is the one you posted (imagine that!) the other is an utter wallow-tune. And I'm just going to let that song go unplayed tonight for the reasons I mentioned above.

I do want to share with you a video I found that combines the artist who sings the song on the Garden State soundtrack that I love to wallow to and Scrubs, the show which brought Braff his popular fame.

I love the richness of Colin Hay's voice. And his hospital gown is pretty cute, too.

Thanks, MathMan, for the title of this post. Those pretzels dipped in cream cheese frosting were delish!


  1. sounds like your afternoon walk was very productive.

  2. Probably my favorite Scrubs moment of all time - and *that's* saying something! Love Colin Hay, too... I highly recommend his acoustic versions of "Beautiful World" and "Waiting For My Real Life To Begin". Gorgeous! Maybe not for today, though - they are both a bit wallow-y! :)

  3. hmmm...seems i have bit of reading to do to catch up with what's going on with Lisa.........xx

  4. I am so glad it is spring... I am ready for the walks and I have missed the time I could spend outside after my move here from Florida.. I love my family, but my walks and enjoying nature meant so much to me.. my family is so busy we just don't have the time, nor the place here...So I can relate to what you are saying to a certain extent..

    I am glad you enjoyed your time..

    And yes the release helped too... Sometimes letting the tears fall.. that's always needed...

  5. I tried looking for the butt groove in our cheapo office chair ($15 at Target), but maybe the fact that I sit on it during the day and The Old Lady sits on it in the evening cancels the butt grooves out.

  6. I am glad you are starting to heal. It gives me hope (for me, not you, it is all about me, oh, I forgot I am not one of your Spawn). Keep watching the sky and planting the garden and it will work out.

  7. It's inner peace that helps with outer chaos (also, letting it out is less wearing on the emotional muscles).

    Also, walking? Wonderful aerobic exercise, doesn't require a gym, special equipment or a whole lot of money. Just comfortable shoes and comfortable clothes. Accompany Garbo to the park more often! ;-)

  8. Speaking birds? I think those multiple reference to pot can be taken literally.

    Oh, and as nice as a springtime walk outdoors with your kids can be, you do realize that you are with your kids.

    "Mom and dad'll be back in a bit, you rugrat bastards. Don't burn the house down."

  9. Such a hopeful post . . .

    I like it.

    Good on you


  10. Letting go is hard, what with the opposable thumbs and all.


  11. Life going back to normal often involves annoying work incidents, walks, cream cheese frosting and birds with demands---at least that is what I think normal is. I haven't had normal for years so I have sort of forgot.

  12. Glad things are brighter for you, even though you're oversharing with your children and causing the neighborhood to stay up late in hopes of catching you at your flashlight tag hijinks.

    I gave you some linky love today, Lisa! And a few of your little followers, too. See how you inspire me? :-)

  13. I love walks like that. Very cleansing and peaceful, which is sounds like you needed.

  14. "Drink your teeeeeeeeee" (Rufous sided towhee..saw it on Saturday!!)

    Good for you. I hope you cried lots of tears and let go of the ruse, the fairy tale lie of it all...for good.... Back to real life...warts and all. (No one ever said it was gonna be easy...except for the Brothers Grimm...liars, both of them! There were only two, no?)

    With any luck, one of those new neighbor moms will "get" you and become a new best friend.... I'll hope that for ya!

    (Also, I love she who laughs when she runs.... I am so dense....woulda thought one of us bloggin buddies could have figured it out...!)

  15. Excellent post -- just what I needed today. Thanks!!

  16. Intersting post and how we inter-twine differently with the kids. I did leave out some of the conversation and questions about our flashlight tag. When the quesion about doggy style was asked, I nearly drove off the road.

  17. Conclusion? Like a death? One way to see things.

    Oh, and at least it's Wednesday . . .

    You're it!

  18. "I decided that the best thing to do sometimes is just pretend that a death has occurred. It's irrevocable. Done. Final."

    What a great way to look at something that's been bothering you -- and something you can probably do little-to-nothing about. I am going to try that on a few things complicating my life.


  19. thanks.
    i needed this post tonight.
    nice to know that "place" is still attainable even if it is an hour, an afternoon or more.
    Ghosts appear and fade away.
    True True

  20. I'm glad you got a chance to decompress outside. I probably need to join you at some point.

  21. Sounds like you are reaching a good place. Glad to hear it. Funny how things suddenly make sense after a long period of confusion. Good luck.

  22. It certainly looks like you landed in a nice place. I know things will smooth out from here - especially with your willingness to let go.

  23. Hey, it was Wednesday today. I was at work and you were out walking through the wooded vale singing with the birds. I think randal has something wondering about the multiple pot references. I mean, good heavens, you were even caught up with the kissing clouds...

  24. You have been selected for the Honest Weblog award.

  25. Lisa, glad you're doing better...sometimes Mother Nature just works wonders, doesn't she? *smiles*

  26. I am right now listening to Nick Drake - new album (well, to me - more on an already written post later, that mentions you and Garden State...). And I got into him from your suggestion of that soundtrack. And I knew the Colin Hay song the moment you mentioned a "Wallow." It's a great one (even as he insists he's not wallowing). And I agree about his voice.

    Normal life. I have no idea what this is. We spend so little time doing those things we call normal that I think we must be using "normal" the way Vizzini keeps using "inconceivable!" As Inigo says, "You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

    But I know what you mean. Just ordinary things, and nothing keeping you from enjoying it RIGHT NOW. Paying attention. That's what you meant. Paying attention to what was in front of you, and not something chasing you, about to run you down like a brakeless truck. I am so glad you felt that - may you feel it lot more often in the coming months and years.

  27. lisa, this post is lovely and the best, besides the kissing merpeople is, what sounds like you and peace of mind, a quiet contemplation and the space in which to have it....I am happy you are feeling it, hearing the birds, seeing the possibilities, planning your garden (I hear that in your voice) speaks to endless hope and possibilities and I am so happy to hear you speak of it just sound happy and content, finally, after all the crap is behind you and your family...

    fill every single pot you can with flowers and you will be a happy woman~I promise... xoxoxox

  28. Such a happy post. Life is pretty damned good. :)


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