Saturday, June 13, 2009

Make Mine a Triple

The rumors of my demise are greatly exaggerated. No, as much as it would be considered justifiable homicide, MathMan has not finally moidered me. I know this is the longest I've gone between postings in, like, forever, but I've been busy with the usual:

1. Recovering from losing my flash drive. Thankfully, most of lost items were recovered from the home desk computer and a couple of other sources.

2. Shopping at the farmers market for healthy food. MathMan and I have gotten the word from our doctors about our vital statistics. Heredity is gaining on us and we can't outrun it with cholesterol clogging our veins and flub weighing us down.

3. Doing crossword puzzles with Garbo, bidding a fond farewell to The Dancer who is vacationing on the coast with friends this week, and enjoying some downtime with The Actor who seems to be ever so slowly coming out of his seventh-gradeness. Thank goodness.

4. Continuing the gaslighting of The Actor/Ninja and Garbo. This time, I enlisted the help of my boss J who filled out the envelope I used to mail the flying blue monkey to the Royal Pains. They were pleased to report, however, that they knew immediately that it was me because of the postmark. They further reported, looking all smug, that they've dispatched the monkey forever. He is now separated from his head and hidden where I'm never supposed to find him. Killjoys.

5. Demonstrating at work just how much being a blogger has made me a really, really valuable asset. How funny is that? Blogging as a skill set? Who knew?

6. Coping with the fact that not only is The Dancer shimmying away from us toward full-fledged adulthood, but Garbo, the baby of the family, is really growing up. She's shaving her legs and thinking about - gasp! - bras.

And speaking of bras, I've spent a good part of today doing something that didn't kill me. It just made me wish I were dead.....I shopped for bras and a swimsuit. Holy cats, people of the internets, what a painful experience.

I finally went online and read about how a bra should properly fit, applied that knowledge and discovered that I've been buying the wrong brassiere size for, well, most of my adult life.

+ one letter - one size = bra that fits

I was so excited that I forgot myself and went running around the Kohl's Department store still wearing just the bra. I was telling anyone who would listen about my new discovery, parading up and down the aisles so that they could admire the perfect fit of my new Bali, shaking hands with little old men, high-fiving their wives and I think I even kissed a few babies.

After the emotional high of that, I don't even want to tell you about the swimsuit except to say that when I put it on and stood, lip quivering, in front of the mirror, I said to MathMan, "Dear lord, I look like someone's mother ......mine."

Woman wearing the right-sized bra out.

Oh, I've been hearing this song in my head. A lot.



Wonder what Johnny Cash would have done with it......

34 comments:

  1. Someday I'll have to do the bra fitting thing. Everyone who does it seems to be thrilled! When the bank account is better or they do it at Target, I'm in.

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  2. Hi, Susan. I didn't have a professional help me. I just read about how they are supposed to fit in an online article. The biggest clue for me about the cup size was the fact that the center of my bra never touched my breast bone like it's supposed to. I figured more cloth in the cup might do the trick. And so it was. However, I have to have an underwire. The bra with no wire still doesn't lie flat between the knockers.

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  3. They'll do a free fitting at Macy's or even Victoria's secret. No reason you actually have to buy one there....

    You really left kissed babies?? ;-)

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  4. hehehe, lisa, thanks for the laughs! I detest the lowly brassiere and won't wear a "real" one unless I absolutely have to, as in underwires, and/or leaving my house, etc.....god, I'm old....and about the color, after looking at your photos tonight, I am feeling a little fire in the old brain cells...yes, I know, that photo was a little drab, much like my mood when I took it.... blessings, my dear xox

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  5. I just see someone's prolonged absence as a good excuse for a break for me :) And I want a farmers market. And Whole Foods. And and and and and....

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  6. depending upon how it is made, and who made it, I can wear several different sizes of bras so I must be doing something wrong--but I'm so little it shouldn't matter much. I try to go w/out that thing as much as possible ;~)

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  7. I read somewhere that mot women wear the wrong size bra and it can be the cause of backache.

    Marks and Spencer here do a free fitting service which I have never used. I just know their bras are fairly comfortable and buy them. I think most bras are a ridiculous price for what they are.

    Haven't had a swim suit since 1985. Can't swim and can't sit out in the sun for more than ten minutes plus I don't think anyone would want to see that much of me LOL

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  8. Have you ever hit the outlet mall in Dawsonville when you've needed bras? There's a Leggs/Hanes/Bali store there that has an amazing selection of styles and sizes, the prices are great, and they do have fitters. It's worth the drive.

    The better department stores like Nordstroms and Dillards do free fittings, but I think with both you might have to call for an appointment.

    Bra shopping is a bitch. I'm also one of those women who will never drown, and it took me years to find a style and size that fit right. If Bali ever stops making it, I'm screwed.

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  9. The sheer brat power of seventh grade cannot be matched by the elite snobbery of eighth grade. Which will then be rudely deflated by the sheer terror which is ninth grade.

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  10. I am glad that you got the bra situation sorted out because I really hate when my 2nd and 3rd best friends feel unsupported. I keep telling them of their importance but actions speak louder than word.

    I must say this about your recent habit of running through the store, "It's a BRA!"

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  11. But Mathman, Bras live on a woman's breasts (and, even more so under them and on her back) over half her life, and the uncomfortable ones make women way less horny. Did I appeal to your newfound reverence for the bra? Now, go buy Lisa 10 of the ones that fit her like a glove, and let the scientific investigations commence, and since I haven't left a good ol' sexual innuendo over here in a while, let me know is you both need a little help conducting the experiment.

    -F

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  12. It must've been bra weekend. MizBubs also came home from Kohl's with a bag full of comfort and support.

    That was a cool Elvis video.

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  13. How many cocktails did you have to ingest after that little shopping spree? Bra, undie and bathing suit shopping are the most humiliating experience. There's just never that right angle that makes me look like this is something flattering. I do always try to wear stilettos though when I do my shopping since that makes me look longer and leaner.

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  14. Oh, geez, I have to get into a swimsuit today myself. Fortunately, only two other women (who've had children) will be there, along with five children young enough to not notice why I don't wear swimsuits regularly.

    I must be doing the bra sizing thing right, as I never have problems with mine and they fit comfortably.

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  15. If I did the arithmetic right, does that mean I ought to change the wording of my link to 34-Ecup now? That would place you in a whole new spot in the roll order :-)

    I remember buying a fuschia and black bikini at Filene's that looked really good on me in the softly lit dressing room. When I got to the beach I was shocked to look down at myself in full daylight. What had I been thinking? I spent the day swimming with a t-shirt on top of the bikini.

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  16. We are big Elvis C fans here, and see him whenever we can. LOVE him.

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  17. Let's hear it for well fitting bras. Why is it a bra when pants are well, not pant? or trouser? So confusing. Oh well. No, I don't think I even want to contemplate me in a bathing suit.

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  18. Reading through the comments here cracked me up because all of the women seemed to comment on the bra situation. England has some make-over gurus called Trinny and Susannah and they once did a show where they refitted everyone's bras. Of course only about three women out of 100 had been wearing the correct bra.

    At least a move towards fruit and veg is a positive step . . . towards lower cholesterol and bathing suits. Speaking of cholesterol, my mom wrote me an email last week in which she complained that despite her healthy diet and exercise her cholesterol was elevated. (The woman is nearly 70, but of course she didn't want to attribute it to that!)

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  19. I, too, recently found that I was wearing the incorrect bra size. It seems that, though I've lost weight in my stomach/face area, my Girls have gotten...BIGGER. *SIGH*.

    It's not nearly as horrible as when I was pregnant, though. I was diagnosed as a G CUP. From that perspective, DD isn't all that bad.

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  20. Okay - here's a joke for you:

    A dyslexic walks into a bra.

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  21. Congratulations on the well-fitted bra. Not something I have to worry about, but I did have to help a relative find a bra on the internets that would fit her because--I am not joking--her cup size is H. Again, not a joke.

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  22. I'll bet you could get another creepy monkey from craigslist if you posted an ad in the toys section. Especially if you explained you needed it to torment your offspring. Parents help each other in those kinds of situations.

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  23. I love Elvis C.!

    If I don't watch it, I might have to start wearing a "bro"!
    Glad your fitting worked out!

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  24. I still haven't gotten over my sixth-gradeness. I like your bra story. ;o)

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  25. Lisa, my boobs are so big, I hate them, and losing weight would be a huge improvement, but I was never smaller than a D cup...........so ugh!!!
    If I go up a cup size I can say goodbye to ever getting a bra in a regular store again........I hate that fact too.

    Swimwear...........that's the second scariest shopping trip!

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  26. Bra shopping + bathing suit shopping = many, many martinis!

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  27. Real life does interfere with blogging - can definitely identify there, as you may have noticed my frequent absence lately from the blogosphere! However, like you, blogging does help me in my job - I found an article on Mock, Paper Scissors that I took info from for a presentation I was working on, LOL!

    Congrats on the new bra size, I'm still trying to figure mine out. (Does this mean you're no longer D-Cup???)

    Don't get me thinking about bathing suits...I may be getting into one on our upcoming trip to SF - DH says the place we're staying at for the wedding we're attending has a pool. And it's supposed to be hot. I don't want to think about this...I need a good cover-up garment!

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  28. Glad to see that this is still an FCC-unfriendly site.

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  29. Check out bitchphd.blogspot.com/2005/12/girly-stuff-ultimate-bra-post.html. I ran across this post some time ago and gave it to my "girls" (wife and daughter) and they seemed to think it works.
    Apparently there's a entire science to this device that may have altered my career choice had I thought beyond how to get them off with one hand....just sayin.

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  30. I love Elvis C. And, you're right to wonder - I bet Johnny Cash would have done wonderful things with it...

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  31. After spending my life in a variety of sizes--I just sort of bought bras because I liked them, regardless of whether they actually fit or not--I finally was fitted at Victoria's Secret. I was the one size I hadn't purchased yet. They even wrote it down on a card for me to carry in my wallet. I can't decide if that's because I look too dumb to remember it or because at my age I might forget it immediately after exiting the store.

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  32. LOL!

    I had a bra fitting for the first time a few years ago. I went to Victoria's Secret, splurged on three bras, and never looked back. (Victoria's Secret's bras are awesome!)

    But the experience was a little weird. At one point the saleslady referred to "cookies" in the bra, and I was sooo puzzled. ("Cookies" are removable pads inside bras, by the way. Bet you didn't know that! *grin*)

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  33. I very clearly remember the day I figured out my real bra size. Damn, that was a good day. Now it would be nice to actually find my size in a color other than beige, but whatever. I'll take fit over style!

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