Friday, March 26, 2010

Without Poise

Not really me. I don't look this great.
Still sick.  Cute Dr. Jayson said I have the flu and he sent me on my way with a pinch on my bottom (I wish) and a prescription.  Now he's got me huffing this relenza stuff.  I've never used an inhaler before and I'm a bit shilly shally with it.  I suspect the darned flu will have run its course by the time I've figured out how to use the inhaler properly.  Oh well.

In the meantime I tested the waters to see if I'm ready to be back at it.  Clearly, I'm not up to the task.  I vacuumed the living room and became winded.  Yeah, that was pretty stupid, but it's a good test to see how "well" I am.  Well being such a subjective word.  The truth is, and the female among us will agree, I don't really know how to be sick.  I'd have to be heavily sedated before actually taking to my sick bed and staying there. Sadly, it is how I'm wired.

Just this morning, I would have been quite happy to just lay about in bed, but my own body seems opposed to this idea.  Sophia needed a note for school and as I sat on my bed writing it, the sneezing started.  You guys know about that "issue" I have, right?  Well, I was mid-sentence when I sneezed in rapid succession.  Once, twice, three times.  I was holding tight and hoping.  I felt trapped.  The pen went skittering across the page and then it happened.  Sneeze number four.  I wasn't able to get up in time and I was so worried about not spraying the note with my toxic sneeze as I tried to bury my nose in my elbow and well, my grip loosened.  What's that you say?  Yes, I leaked.

Well, there's something to be said for useful items like Poise pads or the like, but I'll be damned if I'm willing to go that route yet.  And so my wimpy little Always thin absorbed as much as it could but not quite enough.  I finished Sophia's note, made the necessary adjustments to my personal concerns and stripped the damned bed.  The horror of it is that I had to remake it with un-ironed sheets.  Could things get any worse?

That's never a good question to ask, is it?

The phone rang at 10:28a.m.  I looked at the caller i.d.  The orthodontist's office! Oh no! Nate had a 9:30 a.m. appointment.  I coughed my way through telling the staffer that I'd gotten sick and completely forgotten even though I pressed #1 to confirm just the day before.  She graciously made another appointment.

"You wouldn't want me there today anyway," I wheezed.

She laughed politely.  "From the sounds of it, no."

And now I'm watching the clock because I'm to pick Sophia up at 3:15 from honor chorus.  If I don't keep reminding myself of that, I'm afraid that I'll be getting a call from the school at 4:00 wondering where in the heck I am.

Update:  I made it on time to pick up Sophia.  I drove halfway home with the parking brake still on.

It's not everything I've ever wanted from life, but at least I didn't pee myself.  That may be my new motto......


  1. I hope this stuff goes away soon. Sometimes these things are worse than ever when you feel crap.

    Just remember that all that house work will still be there when you get well. It can wait, so pamper yourself.

    I'm sending you some virtual green chile chicken soup. It's chock full of vitamin C and will clear your sinuses. ;)

  2. You iron your sheets?

    (And yes, I have escaped that accident by millimeters. Probably only a matter of time, though.)

    (The rockers dying these days are dying of old age and diseases instead of overdoses. Eep.)

    Anyway, hope you feel better soon--flu is icky. I've had it twice. Gatorade tastes good when you've got flu (it's one of my diagnostic markers).

  3. Dang, Lisa!! I hope you're feeling better in short order. Take a stiff drink, and tell Mathman he's Mom for the day.

  4. Ha ha...oh Lisa, I'm sorry to laugh at your pain--but you just write so damn funny sometimes. :)

    I hope you feel much much much much much much better very soon!!!! :)

  5. So sorry you're feeling so crummy! I am amazed that you can even function at all with the flu. The few times I've had it, I admit I did take to my bed. As for your sneeze problem...if it makes you feel any better I have the same problem, but it's brought about by more than one thing. Yesterday I was trying to lift my mother up (she only weighs 85 lbs so I thought I could hoist her up a bit in her chair) and when I made one big guessed it. Luckily the pantiliner held...

  6. And a damn fine motto it is! Huzzah!

    And also, I'm with D. You iron your sheets? Only since the temporary "retirement" right? Not before when you were working for da man? Please tell me you didn't do that then. My slim grasp on self-esteem in the home-making department will be shattered.

    (and yes, I'll determine my self worth by something someone else says. what's it to ya?)

    Hope you feel like your real self soon. (almost said "old self" but, well, you know.)

  7. Oh, no! Feel better! The sickies are going around. But thankfully the pees aren't.

    Also, vacuuming the living room is something you should definitely take a rest from. For God's sake, woman.

  8. Awwww... feel better Lisa... (I do that parking brake thing more than I would care to admit too - unmedicated)

  9. Poor baby!
    Hve you tried/used a Netti pot?
    It's a little kind of tea pot thing you fill with salt water & pour through your nose.
    Sounds weird. You turn your head sideways over the bathroom sink & flush the warm saltwater on through. Something about the salt water that changes the ph of your sinuses, making it more difficult for germs & such to live there.

    That & some kick ass hot & sour soup.

    Hope you are feeling better.

  10. Riffing off of what Fran said, have you tried pot?

    You're a big fan of British period pieces. How about temporarily hiring a butler? When your health has returned, don't pay, just kick him out the door and explain that it's the bad economy and that you're sorry. Problem solved!

  11. hope you feel better soon
    and if you put your new motto on a t-shirt I'll buy two!

  12. Not only are you funny but so are the people here who leaves comments. I too am floored that you iron your sheets. No more of that ya here! :)

    Get well soon.

  13. sometimes I just can't spell worth a shit ;~)

  14. That reminds me, gotta start doing those kegels I keep lying to my doctor about.

  15. Good one Randal..... touting the medicinal values of a spot of pot. I say old chap!

  16. Two weeks later and my cough still scares people a block away but thank goodness for the 25+ years of kegels.

    Get better soon.

  17. I see everyone is tiptoeing around the elephant in the room: YOU IRON YOUR SHEETS??!!

  18. I'm surprised Randal didn't suggest leeches. He's that kind of guy you know.

  19. Ugh, being sick like that is god-awful! Feel better soon.

  20. Striving to not pee at inappropriate moments is definitely something to work for. And I've had plenty of those moments. It is usually bronchitis brings those on.

    As far as taking to bed and staying there, I am much the same. I get bored and my brain starts running along all the things I could be doing instead of lying there whistling like a tea kettle. Or coughing and putting those kegel muscles to the test.

    Hang in there, and keep up the fluids.


And then you say....

(Comments submitted four or more days after a post is published won't appear immediately. They go into comment moderation to cut down on spam.)